I have been talking to this married man for a little over a year now, and slowly things have gotten farther. He is 31 and I am 19. He has been married for 5 years, and I have been in a relationship for 4 years. We haven't done anything besides hug, flirt, and talk about things we want to do until the other day.

The other night he text me saying he tried calling me like ten times because he was out playing poker. We text each other for a good hour then decided we wanted to see each other. He had to bee home @ 2:00 a.m and it was already that time so we hurried and met.

I got into his car and we were both pretty drunk but we started making out, then he started taking off my clothes so I started taking off his, and we just messed around and did something's but we didn't have sex. We fooled around for a good 45 minutes to an hour because it was almost 3:00a.m. And we didn't want to leave each other at all. I was like OK I have to go then he would pull me back and start kissing me again. He told me that he absolutely HAD to see me the next day and to call him at 8:00p.m.

Ok so the next day I went out to the bar with friends and I tried calling him around like 8:30 but his phone was off so I left him a text saying "I tried calling so give me a call when you get a chance." It was like 12:30 a.m and I still didn't hear from him so I tried calling and it rang but no one answered. And I was getting irritated so I text him 'thanks a lot this is ridiculous' well then I felt bad and then text 'im sorry'.

About a half an hour later I get a call from him and he said "hey", and I said hiiiii, and then he hung up. Like 2 seconds after that I got another call and it was his wife. And she said "Who Is this!". And I hung up because I didn't know what to say. So she kept calling back and my friend answered the phone and made some random crap up saying she was looking for some random person, then his wife hung up. Ok so the about 5 minutes later I get a text from him that said Hey, I'm sorry. I almost fell for it then I knew it had to be his wife messing with me and then I said "Who is this" "I'm trying to get ahold of adam" Which I just made up a random name. And the way the person was talking to me had to of been his wife because nothing she text me made any sense. So I just made up some random story about some random person and said the sorry I must have the wrong number.

I changed my voicemail to where it just says the number so she wouldn't get my name, And then I kept getting restricted calls throughout the day and I would just pick up then hang up cause I knoew it was her. I feel bad but I also saved both of our asses! It just sucks because I need to see him again and I know this is going to be so hard and stressful. Do I just wait for him when he has time to call me or text me or what? It's just so irritating knowing I can't have the better half. I know you're going to say I should just walk away, but I like him so much and I know it's going to be hard dealing with this situation but its harder to walk away.

You already seem to know the answer. You should just walk away. You stated that you like him so much, well his wife loves him and what the two of you are doing causes more hurt that you can ever imagine and I hope that you don't ever have to deal with that. I am watching my friend go through a lot right now because of something like this. How would you feel if this was your husband? You probably wouldn't feel too good.

I'm going to be very blunt with you. These actions are downright wrong and you should stop immediately. I know you really like this guy but for god's sake he is married. Do you really want to be the "other woman"? Do you really want to be involved in helping to ruin a marriage? I say help because I know this is not all your fault, he is equally to blame, but the only actions you can control are yours.

In all honesty this guy is a sleeze bag. He is being unfaithful to the woman he committed his life to and he is taking advantage of the fact that you are 19 years old. Do you really want to be with this guy? Don't you realize that if he is willing to betray his wife, than when he gets bored of you he will kick you to the curb!

Please don't make your life complicated. Walk away and leave him to the problems he is about to face. You may not like the sound of this but you are only 19 years old and I promise you that you will find someone who truly deserves your affection. Again, please don't be involved in ending a marriage. As the first person mentioned, you would not appreciate it if you were in the wife's shoes. Walk away before it gets worse.

Lynn,

There is a saying - What he will do with you... He will do to you.

I have a funny feeling that this poor wife, has been down on the road, otherwise, her alarm bells would not have gone off so strongly.

If you are unable to walk away for yourself, your well being, not being 2nd place, maybe even be used, just try and close your eyes, and place yourself in the wife's shoes.

Imagine the pain, the heartache. Let your stomach be all tied up in knots, and her heart so heavy, she wonders if she will ever be able to recover from this heartache.

If he is willing to lie to his wife, do you think he is willing to lie to you?

Your actions could be and would be destroying another person's well being. Do you really want to do that. Is "liking" this guy worth that?

You want someone, that would want better for you.

Don't think about the stress of the situation, your focus is in the wrong area. Think about another women's heart and life, that could fall to pieces, because you made a bad choice.

Your 19, don't start your young adult age with all of this turmoil and heartache.

Please, want better for yourself, and you will find someone, who is single, who you don't have to secretly text, but can be out in the open, with how you feel.

I am hoping for the best for you.

Thank you so much for taking time to read and reply to my post. I do really need a change in sense that's why I posted because I only talked about this with one person and she's a close friend but I think only told me what I wanted to hear.

Your right I couldn't imagine the heartache of his wife. My stomach has been in knotts for the past couple days, and I'm not even technically with this man. She is.. it's her husband. I am stressing soooo much over this it is unbelievable and I really don't understand why I'm taking everything so hard! It doesn't make sense when I think about it but my feelings are overpowering what's right.

Oh you are more then welcome. And the reason that you are stressing so much, is you do have a good heart, you just found yourself in a situation, at a young age, and just let things go, and do things that you never ever would have thought yourself doing before meeting this "man".

In a way, it's good that you are stressing and it is eating at you, imagine if you didn't. That you didn't consider someone else's feelings. Your not that kind of person, and that's why all of this is hitting you so hard.

You are worth way more than this man could give you, and truth is, he knows it too.

It will be hard, but you are going in the right direction. When you find yourself slipping back to " I miss him", once again, put those wife's shoes on, and feel her heart.

Put this as lessons learned. You are 19, you should be have great fun and free to enjoy life.

This all will only weigh you down.

You have a very good head on your shoulders so be sure and focus clearly.

Put him and all of this behind you and I bet your stress levels come down drastically.

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I like him so much and I know it's going to be hard dealing with this situation but its harder to walk away.

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This is only a sample of what your life will be like, being a booty call to a married man. Your to young to waste your best years being used by a cheater.

I guess you're right I don't need to see him, I actually want to. I enjoy his company, he is sooo sweet to me. He told me him and his wife haven't had sex in like 6 months. He doesn't like her, she's unattractive blah blah. And I believe him because he never talks good about her, even to other people. But I know that gives me no right. But when someone that I like says they don't like their other half, I'm going to believe them and I guess feel bad at the same time.

I am usually attracted to older men because of how passonate they are and the way they treat me. Just sucks the one I really like is umm, can't forget.. married.

I don't know he just really makes me feel good about myself. Even though I hear it from others. I LOVE hearing it from him.

Lynn sweetheart,

I don't know one man willing to cheat on their wife, that would speak highly of their wife, to the person they are willing to cheat with.

Please be careful sweetheart, it is a dangerous and painful path, and you don't want to go down it.

He's MARRIED. He's off limits to you. You need to stop seeing him.

He already cheated on his wife (and if you think it's not cheating just because you didn't have sex, ask his WIFE) he will cheat on you. Do you really want to be "that woman", the home wrecker?

You didn't mention how you met, or whether your boyfriend is a dad. My guess is that your boyfriend is having marital problems that have not been addressed in a successful way. In other words, I am not giving his wife a pass; but you are too close to the fire. You can hold your ground by telling him that while you admire and love him and want to know him better, that he is not available. Going forward, drink and act responsibly. Are you ready to be the mother of a child without a fulltime dad?

Well, if this man is no longer in love with his wife or whatever, then he needs to deal with that and not drag someone else into the mess... The way I look at it, he sees you as nothing more than a little plaything. He makes you feel good about yourself and tells you what you want to hear so that he can get what he wants from you (I've seen it happen before). He has no respect for his wife or for you. Make sure you have respect for yourself and walk away from this guy. If he wants to make a mess of someone else's life then make sure it isn't yours! You are so young and you deserve so much more. I'm sure there are a lot of wonderful, available men who would love to be with you. Good luck to you.

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Originally Posted by Lynn18

I guess you're right I dont need to see him, I actually want to. I enjoy his company, he is sooo sweet to me. He told me him and his wife havent had sex in like 6 months. He doesn't like her, she's unattractive blah blah. And I believe him because he never talks good about her, even to other people. But i know that gives me no right. But when someone that i like says they dont like their other half, im gonna believe them and i guess feel bad at the same time.

I am usually attracted to older men because of how passonate they are and the way they treat me. Just sucks the one i really like is umm, can't forget..married.

I dont know he just really makes me feel good about myself. Even though I hear it from others. I LOVE hearing it from him.

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Older guys know just what to say to make young girls feel good about themselves and get in their pants. He is too old to be messing with you and he's married. The line he is feeding you is as old as dirt. Do yourself a favor and leave him alone.
You are setting an awful bleak pattern for your life. Being a booty call to married men is a no win situation.

I have been in a very similar situation and I know how you feel. But the advice you are getting here is right, walk away before you get in too deep. The man I was with lied about getting a divorce, being separated, not being attracted to his wife, not having sex with her, it was all a lie. I eventually talked to his wife and I was not the first 'other woman'.

You sound like a good person, and it is so easy to get caught up in a relationship when the other person seems so right, says the right things, and makes you happy. But it's not a real happy, you become just a part time thing in his life. You deserve better!

Don't waste your time, he is cheating on his wife with you. If you were with him someday he would do the same thing to you, cheat on you. Once a cheater always a cheater. Find someone you can be proud of and not hide. Sorry and good luck.

I'm just going to say... look at all you had to do in that OP to cover your tracks. How can you objectively say that is a good situation?

We met at work... he's my boss, and yes he has two kids... I know two big no no's... but I can't help my feelings, and he's not helping at all telling me all these things, meeting up with me, talking to me, hugging me, kissing me, and so on. Even though it's so obvious in what to do I'm so confused and stressed.

Oh yea and I talked to him the other day for a quick second at work... because he never called me back after what happened when his wife called me.

And I said "So you can't call me back? That's a kind of shi**y thing to do".

And he said "Ya I know I should've called you but my wife and I have been fighting really bad afer what happened the other night, and she has been on my a** all day and every single day."

He also said "She is a stupid b**ch and I'm sorry".

There was more said but I don't remember because I was in a hurry to leave.

I said "Well I have to leave soo"

And he said "Well I will see you tomorrow when you come into work".

And I said "oooook see ya".

So you I get to see him tomorrow in the morning when I go into work.. I don't know what to say to him!? And I surely don't want to talk about it at work!

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but I can't help my feelings,

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I realize that, because none of us can help how we feel. But we sure as heck have total control over what we do about those feelings, so no more excuses.

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and he's not helping at all telling me all these things, meeting up with me, talking to me, hugging me, kissing me, and so on.

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What a crock, your letting him do what ever he pleases with you. Small wonder your being used, because your easy.

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Even though it's so obvious in what to do I'm so confused and stressed.

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No your not, you like the attention, and its easier than trying to love the healthy right way, again excuses. Yes I'm harsh about this because its time you start loving yourself enough to demand dignity and respect for yourself instead of being silly putty for a second rate player.