Ask Me Help Desk - I want my ex back.

I was dating this great guy. He was amazing but there were always things that got to me. At first I didn't know what I really wanted out of the relationship. I liked him a lot but wasn't sure if he was the one for me. He treated me the way any girl would want to be treated. He got along with my family pretty good. But my family would always make small hints to me that he was good enough (mostly because he was not as good looking and they wanted me to be with someone more attractive). Well, I finally let everything get to me. :( One night I broke it off and told him I need some time to think and clear my head. He had asked me if I could see us every getting back together and I had told him I could but I just needed some time. Well, for the next couple of days we talked and he had even asked me to go back out with him, I told him I no, and I just wanted to be friends for a while. And that I still wanted to hangout with him and get to know him more, figure out how I really feel. After about 4 weeks, we were not talking as much and I was kind of bummed. Then the next thing I knew he had a girlfriend that he loved. It made me really made at first because he keep telling me the he liked me and would give me some time and that he would always wait for me. But clearly he was just saying that. I tried to move on, talk to other guys but I wouldn't get him off my mind and still cant. Hes been dating this other girl for just over a month and I want him back. After he started to date her, I wanted him. He was all I could think about. I miss him so much and now that he had moved on it made me realize how much I really liked him and how happy I was with him by my side. I told him I missed him a lot and regretted breaking up with him, and he said he was probably going to break up with his girlfriend because she drank and smoked. Well.. as the days passed, they were still together.

I really miss him, and I have no idea what to do? I just wish I was still with him. Is there anyway I have a chance getting him back? What should I do, I've tried to move on but I can't seem to.

Perhaps the new girlfriend is the proverbial "rebound chick" and it won't last. If her "bad habits" are truly annoying to him, then there's only so much of it he can take and that will break them up. Unfortunately, if she has some quality that nullifies the "evil" of drinking and smoking, well then things may not turn around as you hope.
The bottom line is... the only thing you are in control of in this and any situation is yourself. You can't control his relationship with new girl without risking irreversible and tragic damage to your own relationship with him.
Maybe what should be focused on is that this is simply the result of a decision you made. He may have been in a different place than you in your relationship with him. You were not quite sure what you wanted out of it, perhaps he knew exactly what he wanted out of it. Maybe his own "biological clock" was ticking and he was looking to settle down. Your putting the squash on the relationship may have told him a lot more than the fact that you needed some space or weren't quite sure what you were looking for.
Not an expert, just giving my opinion, and I'm sure there are those with a tendency for connivery would probably tell you to do all you can to break up your ex and his new chick. But why risk having him hate you and being labelled a crazy stalker-type that all your neighbors will say "she was always so pleasant, before the INCIDENT" on the late night news? If the relationship is meant to be, it will be.
Have you also considered that your desire to have him back is not just sour grapes? If he didn't have new girlfriend, would you still be telling him you need more time or would you genuinely want him in your life romantically? One thing you never mentioned in your posting... what were you doing exactly to help you figure out what it was you wanted during "the break" before he met new girl? What did you learn about yourself?
Good luck with this one!

I don't think it is ''clearly he was just saying that'' because when couples break up they are so emotionally hurting that they do mean it at the time. When you take a break from a guy it is a gamble if you will get back together. Often the other can't handle having to second guess if you will ever get back together so they do move on.
All you can do is sit it out and wait and see if he ever breaks up with her and then you can see if you can have a second chance IF you haven't moved on with someone else yourself.

You sound very young, and maybe a bit inexperienced, and I'm afraid you let others cast doubt on your decision, and broke this off. Things seemed to be okay, until he had enough of the being put off by you and miraculously you want him back, because he has moved to someone else. I can understand the hurt, betrayal, and a little guilt, and anger, you must be feeling, but you had a large part in this. Not the end of the world, but hurtful as heck. That I understand. I think the best thing is to heal from your loss, and let this experience teach you a very valuable lesson, about you, and people, and move on to a happier place. He is so unavailable to you, that its best to never discuss any type of relationship with him ever, until your over this, as I suspect she was waiting in the wings any way, closer than you think, and he went for it, rather than wait, as 4 weeks is a very long time to be put on hold. If you can let this go, and move beyond it, and learn from it, you will have gained more than you lost. I may be way off, if so let me know.

Number one you shouldn't let others get to u if u love him then u should have stayed with him. Coming from the guys side perhaps he is trying to get you out of his mind by dating this other girl. Us guys can't be left hanging for long, if u leave us hangin we'll jump right back in the ocean with the other fish. If u got a good catch you should take it off the hook and keep it. Don't keave it hanging.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 22Peaches22

I was dating this great guy. He was amazing but there were always things that got to me. At first i didnt know what i really wanted out of the relationship. I liked him alot but wasnt sure if he was the one for me. He treated me the way any girl would want to be treated. He got along with my family pretty good. but my family would always make small hints to me that he was good enough (mostly because he was not as good looking and they wanted me to be with someone more attractive). Well, i finally let everything get to me. :( One night i broke it off and told him i need some time to think and clear my head. He had asked me if i could see us every getting back together and i had told him i could but i just needed some time. well, for the next couple of days we talked and he had even asked me to go back out with him, i told him i no, and i just wanted to be friends for a while. and that i still wanted to hangout with him and get to know him more, figure out how i really feel. After about 4 weeks, we were not talkin as much and i was kinda bummed. Then the next thing i knew he had a girlfriend that he loved. It made me really made at first because he keep telling me the he liked me and would give me some time and that he would always wait for me. but clearly he was just saying that. I tryed to move on, talk to other guys but i wouldnt get him off my mind and still cant. Hes been dating this other girl for just over a month and i want him back. After he started to date her, i wanted him. he was all i could think about. i miss him so much and now that he had moved on it made me realize how much i really liked him and how happy i was with him by my side. I told him i missed him alot and regretted breaking up with him, and he said he was prolly going to break up with his girlfriend because she drank and smoked. well.. as the days passed, they were still together.

I really miss him, and i have no idea what to do? I just wish i was still with him. Is there anyway i have a chance getting him back? What should i do, ive tryed to move on but i can't seem to.

This is an experience that you must move on from and learn from. As Tal said, you need to put less stock on what others think. Make your own decisions in life. True, you can always ask for opinions, but don't let others imposed opinions affect your decisions.

It may be that at some point in the future you cross paths again, but for now you just need to move on. If you feel that by telling him your mistake that helps you do that, then so be it.

You must then let him lead his life, and you lead yours.