Ask Me Help Desk - More about the ex

Ok.. here is where I am now... I made one post in the "dating" area a few weeks ago. I want my girlfriend that I dated for three years to date me again. We have been apart for about 20 months, have not been with anyone (on a serious basis) since we broke up. I had a lot of personal issues at the time and was not the best companion to say the least (look at my other post from May 23). Anyway, since I received a couple of responses, my ex and I have had lunch a few times and have talked numerous times. She knows exactly how I feel and I have made sure that I have been completely honest with my feelings for her. I have not pressured her but sometimes my feelings are overwhelming and I may call her more than I should some days... however, my calls do not upset her. As a matter of fact, she calls me periodically and also called me about 1:00 in the morning last weekend.

The problem that I am having is that she still does not want to spend time with me on a regular basis. I don't want to put pressure on her and do not know what would be the appropriate action to take in reference to calling, emailing, etc. She has stated that she has "began to like me again." Our problem has never been love, I know she still loves me but hesitates when it comes to seeing me.

I truly believe that everything will work out in the long run and I am patient to a point... but my question is... should I continue to hope to get someone back that does not reciprocate my feelings now?? Is she just playing me because she knows how I feel and takes those feelings for granted?? Thanks for any response

Below is my original post:

I dated a woman for three years and we have been apart now for about 20 months. We have stayed in contact the entire time, never been with anyone else (sexually) and go out occasionally. The relationship was difficult as during out dating period both of my parents were dying of cancer (and died 11 months apart), I was experiencing some financial difficulties which were new to me, and my ex's father committed suicide. We argued quite a bit but honestly, I was not myself. Depressed, angry, and mad at the world. I have begun to realize how much I truly love this woman. Unfortunately, she is quite hesitant to engage in another relationship with me. I was distant, cold, and pretty much acted like a jerk much of the time. I can assure you this was not my normal personality. I am now financially stable, have a great outlook on life, and I would be so happy to have her back. My ex has a hard time of letting go of the past. I know she loves me. She has told me she always will but again, she is afraid to take a chance. Should I continue to let her know how I feel? Should I leave her alone? An email from her recently in response to me asking her to dinner was, "I can't commit to an entire night with you now....wish I could...but I have to do what is right for me, ok?" I get mixed messages but I don't want to put myself through anguish for nothing and I certainly do not want to be her beast of burden either. Any comments would be greatly appreciated.

Quote:

I have to do what is right for me, OK?" I get mixed messages but I don't want to put myself through anguish for nothing and I certainly do not want to be her beast of burden either.

She is not giving you mixed signals, your receiving them, because you want your old life back, and she doesn't. After 20 months she may accept your friendship, but has emotionally moved on, and sadly so should you. To do this you may have to put her friendship on a back burner while you heal, and give yourself a chance to have a healthier view of things and give up the false hope you will get her back into a relationship. Her feelings for you she may have. Are not enough to convince her to change her mind, and I doubt that there is anything you can say or do, that will get her to, either. Time to let this one go. Sorry.