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My boyfriend wants to have sex with me but I always says no to him... he said that he can't feel my love for him because I don't want to do it... do we really have to do it?? My friends told me that it was a necessity because it can help us spice up our relationship... I really don't agree about that... we don't really have to do that right?? is there any other way to spice up our relationship wihtout having sex??
You aren't ready. It's that simple.
If he insists, then he isn't on the same page as you.
Trust me... don't have sex to appease someone. Have it because you want it, are ready for it, and are prepared for all that comes with it.
No, sex does not prove you love him, sex proves you are ready to have a baby with him and become a parent.
Love means caring for the other person emotionally, So if all he wants is sex it is he that is not really in love.
You shouldn't have sex with anybody until YOU are ready to , he sounds like he is trying to push you. Someone who loves you wouldn't try to push you to do something you don't want to do.
And if you do have sex , there's a chance you will become a Mom before your ready to.
Oldest game in the book, and what young guys say to get what they want. No you don't have to do it with him, and never should, as he only wants one thing, and your friends are stupid. He doesn't care if your ready or not, and he should, if he really liked who you are. He is not respecting you at all.Quote:
He said that he can't feel my love for him because I don't want to do it...
How old are you?
Please do not ever have sex with anyone until it both your idea and his/hers. It does not help anything. I am speaking from experience. Please trust the advise of others on this.
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Originally Posted by ScottGem
I'm just 17
Certainly I agree that you are getting one of the oldest lines of all. If he can't feel your love, why on earth would you want to let him feel any of your private parts? Tell him to quit trying to manipulate you, and that he can go manipulate himself if he doesn't!
He should respect your feelings, and not be saying the only way you can show him you love him is to have sex. The two are not the same at all.
As for spicing things up, any new experience can do that, along with new communication... try different activities than previous. Variety is the spice of life!
Sex is a big big new experience, but not the only thing that can make your time together more interesting. If sex is the only spice he is interested in, you are the one who needs to be concerned about playing with fire and that spice as it can lead to having a bun in the oven. Of course that is only one of many reasons not to buy into his line of b.s.
If he doesn't stick around, you'll know that he isn't interested in the all of the sugar and spice and everything nice that you want your relationship to be made up of...
Lol! What a great line.Quote:
Tell him to quit trying to manipulate you, and that he can go manipulate himself if he doesn't!
Ruby, you have been giving such wonderful advice. I was 21 before I gave of my body to someone that I loved and who loved me. And I hold that so precious and I respected and loved myself enough, not to give of myself until those factors are present.Quote:
Originally Posted by rubyice
This young boy, (that's what he is) is letting is hormones overtake any care or respect for you.
I am not saying that he does not, but his actions are. That is what you need to tell him.
"I love myself and respect myself enough to know that I am not ready yet, and expect you to as well. "
My Mom taught me many of thing, and this is one of the things she hammered home to 5 daughters. And bless her for that and each of us listened to her.
Your body is a precious thing, and so are you and anyone who does not feel the same
Is not worthy of the most loving act one can share with another.
You're a very very smart girl and I am proud that you know enough, that it is not the time.
Be sure and be proud of yourself as well.
Ok, lecture time then. NO ONE should be having sexual intercourse until they physically, emotionally and financially ready to have a child. You clearly don't fit the last two.Quote:
Originally Posted by rubyice
As the others have said, DO NOT let him force you into anything you are uncomfortable with. If he tries then he doesn't care about you.
I know couples that have waited months before having sex. If you're not ready then that's fine, don't feel pressured, if he won't wait then he can't be worth it. I had sex because I was worried about what the guy and my friends thought and I completely regretted it. Just talk to him about how you feel.
Lots of excellent advice.
Listen to them. The line your "man" is pulling is the oldest "I am going to pressure you into sex" line in the book. At your age you shouldn't be having sex, and if you are not emotionally or physically ready that makes it more apparent. Add that if you have sex you have the possibility of getting pregnant, or even more likely a sexually transmitted disease. Wait until you are with a partner you know is dedicated to you, you are dedicated to them. Ideally marriage would be in the mix somewhere.
I say this because one of my wife and my biggest regrets was not waiting until we were married. We suffered from all kinds of issue because of our inability to control our hormones. Both of us had many partners, resulting in many problems. I wish someone would have sat me down and said " you know, it feels great, can be a lot of fun, but you will pay if you aren't careful".
You might wonder, well I am just thinking of having sex with him. Well at his age, when my girl wasn't giving it up, I went to where I could get it. In the late teens a viral male with a strong sex drive will find a live outlet. If he is pushing you this hard then there are a lot of possibilities and what "if". Don't take a chance. Long story short.
Don't fall for that for any second!!
I'm 18 and a virgin and I was with a guy for 2 years!
Don't do anything that you're not comfortable with doing at all, tell him straight up, its my body, and I'll do whatever I want with it.
And if he doesn't agree to those terms, you leave.
It's a line, but he may actually believe it's true, so that makes it hard for him (pun intended) to stop pressuring you. You need a way to help him understand.
How about this... does he have a nice car? An awesome job, something you know he absolutely adores and/or worked for a long time to get? Let's assume it's his car.
"Sweetie, I want you to give me your car. I want to have it, and when you do...it's mine, I'll never give it back, and I can keep it whether we stay together long-term or not. I want it. I know you don't want to give me your car, but I want it. So give it to me. I can't know you really love me unless you GIVE ME YOUR CAR free and clear."
When he's done freaking out because he thinks you're serious, tell him: "I do care for you, and do not agree that having sex is necessary to prove it, especially while dating. Every time you pressure me for it, think of me requiring you give me your car...or quit your job, or slap your parents...or whatever you would never do, but I'm telling you you have to do to prove you love me. Do you understand now?"
Maybe he'll get it then.
What young person needs to spice up a relationship? That is such idiocity And sex is not the answer for spicing up a relationship. I'd like to know what bonehead said that sex will spice up a 17 year olds relationship. When you are 17 years old you don't need to spice things up. You should be having lots of fun. That is a statement that is sometimes made when you've been married for like 20 or so years. What is this world coming to. Don't listen to your so called friends. This advice they gave you shows their age. Very imature and clueless. You know what is right. You are not ready. Believe me if you give in to your boyfriend you will be very disappointed! When you are not ready for it, sex is not all that. When you are ready and as you get older it is much better. Why jeopardize yourself worth for 2 minutes of your boyfriends pleasure. Afterwards he will be snoring and you will be so mad at yourself.Quote:
Originally Posted by rubyice
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