Ok, so I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. We are a very much in love and are both strong Christians. We get along so well, its almost unbelievable. He is truly my best friend and we are so close. We know 100% that we will get married someday. The problem is, we do not want to get married until we graduate college and are able to support ourselves. However, that is fours years that we must wait until we make love. Neither one of us thinks that we can wait and we are setting ourselves up for failure. Is it wrong for us to have sex when we know we are going to get married? How much does one legal document really say?

I don't know much about the rules of your religion. I say get the paper and go for it, if you aren't strong enough to wait. If you are, just wait. NO biggie.

I think that this site gives a true look at what you need to consider

:: Welcome to Relationshipforever.com ::

Although this site is in India it does relate to your question

I hope I can help you through this -- just want you to be happy

In my opinion, sexual relations should be between a married couple. The sexual act is a total self giving of each other and a confirmation of the covenant the couple makes in holy matrimony. I think when a couple waits until marriage, it shows that they are truly committed and willing to do the right thing for each other. You never know what may happen over the next four years. I would suggest praying for continued strength in purity.

Thanks biggsie, that website helped, but it did not say anything about Christians and premarital sex, which is my issue. If I was not a Christian, I know that I would just do it, actually I probably would have long ago! I know that God gave me and my boyfriend this amazing love so would He be happy for us or would He look down upon us if we engaged in the act?
As for Chihuahuamomma, I would definitely marry him, but we are both in school and still relying on our parents financially. It would not be smart to jump into marriage at this time--we want to do it right, when we are secure. Although it is very tempting!
This is just a very complicated and complex issue and I do not know what to do! I think my boyfriend, although very dedicated to being a Christian, does not think it would be wrong to have sex because we are going to get married.
PLEASE GIVE ME ADVICE! I'M DYING OVER HERE!

Being a former christian and in a stable committed monogamous relationship I completely understand...
I never had any doubts about engaging in sex before marriage I think that was due to my nondenominational and very liberal background (religiously I was taught to focus on my relationship with God not the rules and traditions but I know that's not how all christians are)

I can only advise you to be SAFE, use protection and/or get on the pill if possible although I believe you when you say you two will get married the last thing the two of you want is an unplanned pregnancy! But my rule of thumb (morally speaking) is to only engage in sex with someone that you are in a committed, monogamous relationship with... so I hope this helps!

again I can somewhat relate to you because I was a christian and I am in a long term relationship with my boyfriend surrounded by family with christian values... we are both in college and are waiting to get married when we can financially afford it and when all of our grad school logistics are worked out... but we live together and practically act life a married couple, we just got to a point where the only thing matters is our love and commitment to each other not everyone else.

I have friends that got their marriage certificate for tax purposes and for their child without telling anyone. And had the actual ceremony two years later.

In general , yes in Christianity you are suppose to be married.
Luther in his writings believed it was proper for a engaged couple to have sex but his opinoin has not be accepted even within the Lutheran church.

In the early days being enganged was must more than it is today, people get engaged, break up and marry someone else three days latter.
Before there was a legal commitment, and if you did not get married, there was still legal issues to deal with.

Chihuahuamomma, I have to say that is a brilliant idea.. and my boyfriend and I have actually considered it before, but then quickly laughed it off. But now that I think about it, it is not too bad of a solution. Did the couple you know hide their marriage from everyone, even family?

They didn't tell anyone until their ceremony day. But these two had already lived together for two years, and already had a daughter together.

Here's the thing (and this isn't a religious thing for me, just so you know):

If you don't feel you are financially stable enough to get married RIGHT NOW, then you shouldn't be having sex. Sex=babies, and birth control fails. If you're not ready for a baby (and if you're not financially stable enough for MARRIAGE, you sure aren't ready for a BABY), then you shouldn't be having sex.

It sounds to me like you're both afraid to commit to marriage because of money, or what might happen in the 4 years of college, or whatever.

Either you want to get married, or you don't. If you WANT to get married, then do it, and make it work.

If you don't think you're ready for marriage YET, then you're probably not ready for the commitments (like, say... CHILDREN) that sex brings.

Good point, but first of all, I would go on birth control and we would be extremely careful. Also, if I were to have a baby, we would receive help from our parents and at that point we would get married. But the birth control pill is almost a 100% reliable and my body has a hard time ovulating anyway, ha! Pregnancy is one of my concerns, but my religion is definitely more of a factor for me. If I did become pregnant, it would be God's will.

I am currently battling infertility issues (I have unexplained infertility).

When I got pregnant, it was using the pill, a spermicide, and a condom--all correctly.

I just think that if you feel that strongly about premarital sex, then you should get married.

If you don't think you're ready for marriage, then following your Christian dictates will be hard, but you shouldn't have sex with just an engagement.

this is better then TV....

NO--birth control is NOT 100% effective. Only abstenince is. I would have to agree COMPLETELY with Synnen.


I kind of want to know the statistic for young adults that drop out of college due to an unplanned pregnancy, and then what the percentage of those are that were diligently taking birth control.

My suggestion about the legal marriage and the later ceremony was to someone who is READY for marriage.

If you have very strict religious beliefs, I think you should get married before you have sexual relations *as long as you have safe birth control in place*.

If your boyfriend won't do that, then maybe he is only thinking of his pleasure.

I have to tell you that a friend of my mother who had a very strict and wealthy father forbade his darling daughter to marry her gentleman friend. She and her man went to Crown Point, Indiana and got married and kept it a secret for several years. Finally, she and her husband told her father. This happened in 1934!

I am against girls having sex until they are in their 20ies... today, they are too immature to handle it, in my opinion.

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Originally Posted by faithandlove

Ok, so I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. We are a very much in love and are both strong Christians. We get along so well, its almost unbelievable. He is truly my best friend and we are so close. We know 100% that we will get married someday. The problem is, we do not want to get married until we graduate college and are able to support ourselves. However, that is fours years that we must wait until we make love. Neither one of us thinks that we can wait and we are setting ourselves up for failure. Is it wrong for us to have sex when we know we are going to get married? How much does one legal document really say?

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According to the bible "Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." Hebrew 13:4. Marriage is along Obligation. You should be financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually stable. Premarital sex you must not do. If you got pregnant how about your baby, his future if you are not stable.

I AM ready for marriage. The only thing that is holding us back is wanting to graduate college and being able to support ourselves. Our relationship is very mature, and with the money and age issues aside, we would be more than ready to marry. Also, my family would most likely not be supportive of me marrying at such a young age, and his definitely would not, even though both of our families know that we will end up together. We are pretty much inseparable and everyone knows it. Most are shocked when they learn we haven't had sex. They always say, "but you seem so close." Yes, we are very close, but are trying to follow the path of God. What I am trying to figure out is His path for me. Sometimes it is weird that we haven't had sex though. I feel like its unfair that so many other people that are not in love already have! Maybe we should just get married. There is some way to make it work right? Get jobs and go to school at the same time? Get a loan from the bank? Sorry if I'm blabbing.. but I like getting advice. Thanks for the help!

Oh yeah, for anyone wondering, I am 20.

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Originally Posted by faithandlove

I AM ready for marriage. The only thing that is holding us back is wanting to graduate college and being able to support ourselves. Our relationship is very mature, and with the money and age issues aside, we would be more than ready to marry. Also, my family would most likely not be supportive of me marrying at such a young age, and his definitely would not, even though both of our families know that we will end up together. We are pretty much inseparable and everyone knows it. Most are shocked when they learn we haven't had sex. They always say, "but you seem so close." Yes, we are very close, but are trying to follow the path of God. What I am trying to figure out is His path for me. Sometimes it is weird that we haven't had sex though. I feel like its unfair that so many other people that are not in love already have! Maybe we should just get married. There is some way to make it work right? Get jobs and go to school at the same time? Get a loan from the bank? Sorry if I'm blabbing..but I like getting advice. Thanks for the help!

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2o is so young. Don't you think it is better to get marry to your love one when you already fineshed your school and have a stable job. So you have time for him and in your children. If you got loan in the baNK it makes you worryhow to pay it. Im happy to hear from you that your family is not be supportive to you to marry because they love you. They know how hard to be a familyman. Having a money or age its not only a basis to get marry. Listen to your parents I know they love you. I'm sorry I'm if I said some words they may hurt you. IF you want really to get marry. Best wishes for you.