Ask Me Help Desk - Mum over protective , about a boy

Mum over protective , about a boy

Starts like this, I had this boyfriend that I ''liked'' and mum met him and loves him says his perfect! He loves you and all this!
But then I said to her mum I love ''brad'' not kurt!
Kurt is 16 , I am 14 , brad is 18 but
Brad is for me , I can tell I know age looks much but its just a number!
My mum is too emotional she gets wrapped up in my relationships all the time
Brad wants to be with me ''together'' but then mum will be all upset she doe's not understand that I love this guy because after she met him she said kurts the one for you!
Its my heart not hers how doe's she know how I'm feeling?
Kurt is too clingy
Brad makes me feell greatt!!
What do I do? Help me please some one so confused about life

OK.

Age is just a number... because you're 14. He has NO business being with a 14 year old... he's 18. He should be out looking for colleges... or a job... while you should be... studying?

Last time I checked, a sexual relationship between an 18 year old and a 14 year old is illegal (I'm bringing this up from your other post)...

Quit worrying so much about boys. Drop the 18 year old. Pick up your books.

Worry about your future, boys will follow.

Thanks for your advice but I'm in love? I can't just automatically stop my heart from loving a guy now can I?
And yeah its my life to be doing stuff at this age but heyy got to start somewhere
But no I will not have sex! I just really confused if he just wants stuff out of me

Sorry this is why your mom is protecting you, at 14 your lust and harmones think you are in love while it is more of a lust thing.

And at 18 of course he is interested in sex and esp with a 14 year old.

But let me put it this way, at 14 and him 18, he can go to jail, so if you love him, stay away for a couple years.

Sorry dear I know you feel all these things but on this one mom is right

Why don't you ask Brad's girlfriend for advice?

If an 18 year old came to my house trying to date my 14 year old daughter, he'd be looking down the barrel of a gun.

If I found out my 14 year old was performing sexual acts (like you are) with an 18 year old, she'd be home schooled and under lock and key.

You are 14, act like it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by confusedgirl123

Starts off like this, i had this boyfriend that i ''liked'' and mum met him and loves him says his perfect!! he loves you and all this!
But then i said to her mum i love ''brad'' not kurt!
kurt is 16 , i am 14 , brad is 18 but
brad is for me , i can tell i know age looks much but its just a number!
my mum is too emotional she gets wrapped up in my relationships all the time
brad wants to be with me ''together'' but then mum will be all upset she doe's not understand that i love this guy because after she met him she said kurts the one for you!
Its my heart not hers how doe's she know how im feeling?
Kurt is too clingy
Brad makes me feell greatt!!!
what do i do? help me please some one so confused about life

Advice I would give doesn't seem much, but I'd think of it as if it were my situation.
1: I never tell my parents about my boyfriends until I'm 18 and old enough to move out if they have a problem wit my boyfriends
2: if you know a lot about him 2 know you love him then no problem, yea he's older but it honestly doesn't matter.
3: if you can see you and him having a life together in the future then, your in love. Marriage, making love, children, growing old together, dying together.
4: do you know a lot about him? What does he like? What doesn't he like? Wats his favorite color? Who's his favorite band? What kind of music does he like? When's his birthday? Wats his favorite food? Does he know this stuff about me? Would you like the things he's into

Ask him those questions about him and yourself, quiz him on you if he reely loves u, he'll pass wit flying colors

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uruha

2: if u kno alot about him 2 kno u love him then no problem, yea he's older but it honestly doesn't matter.

Errm, Uruha, how old are you?

Age DOES matter especially 14 and 18. In some places it is illegal and this 18 year old boy will go to jail and be labeled a sex offender for the REST of his life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

Errm, Uruha, how old are you?

Age DOES matter especially 14 and 18. In some places it is illegal and this 18 year old boy will go to jail and be labeled a sex offender for the REST of his life.

I'm 14, and I know, my sister has been with a 21 year old dude when she was 14, and a 34 year old dude when she was 16. But I don't mean stay with him, if she really loves him and he really loves her, she should wait and so should he. I'm not into country music, but my dad showed me a song call "don't cry Joni" sounds like her situation, but if you guys listen to it, maybe you'll understand why

Well, hun, I am the mother of a 14 year old. If any of those men came to my door looking for my daughter they would be looking down the barrel of a gun long enough for the police to arrest them for child molestation.

You're 14... so I won't kill you on this... but let me give you some advice... mm k? And chances are, you'll think "What do you know...?" but... if people agree with me, you might look into it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uruha

1: i never tell my parents about my boyfriends until i'm 18 and old enough to move out if they have a probelm wit my boyfriends

That's a problem. You shouldn't be afraid to tell your parents anything. Yes, I have kept things from my parents, but in the end, I learned that they're older and more experienced, and I somewhat wish that I asked them for advice back in the day, instead of finding things out on my own... the hard way.

This attitude of "I'm moving out because you have a problem with my boyfriend" is very childish and immature. An adult would first try to communicate with the parents to see what they have a problem with, and then see if the two can work it out. Moving out on your family simply because they have a problem with the boyfriend is called "Running from your problems." There'll be many boyfriends in your life. There's only one family.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uruha

2: if u kno alot about him 2 kno u love him then no problem, yea he's older but it honestly doesn't matter.

18 + 14 + sexual relationship = jailtime.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uruha

3: if u can see u and him having a life together in the future then, ur in love. marriage, making love, children, growing old together, dieing together.

I honestly believed this was love as well... then I realized that love isn't all butterflies + puppy dogs. Try this. If you can imagine yourself being dirt poor, working 16 hours a day, coming home to a small shack, cooking a meal with your husband, when he's old, balding, and has a huge belly... and you still think you're happy with him, you "might" be in love.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uruha

4: do u kno alot bout him? wat does he like? wat doesn't he like? wats his favorite color? who's his favorite band? wat kinda music does he like? when's his birthday? wats his favorite food? does he kno this stuff bout me? would u like the things he's into. ask him those questions bout him and urself, quiz him on u if he reely loves u, he'll pass wit flying colors

So... if he knows that she likes ketchup + mayo on her hotdog... he loves her? No. No. No. don't ever believe that. Ever. This could get you into a world of trouble.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uruha

my dad showed me a song call "don't cry Joni" sounds like her situation, but if you guys listen to it, maybe you'll understand why

Life isn't a movie. It's not a story. It's not a play. It's not a song.

I know I seemed really harsh, but... it's life. I'm not saying I know much about life, as I'm only 22... and I have a ways to go, but this is my point of view. Who knows, maybe someone with more experience can lay it out better for you.

I understand why you feel that. You're just looking out for your children. I admire that in you, you're like my mom. Well my foster mom, my biological mother gave me up for adoption after my dad died. She's always so funny, clingy, and protective. She doesn't stand down for anyone. She's sometimes embarrassing that way, but I love her

What does brad and kurt say about the whole thing?
Do either one of them consider themselves your boyfriend or say they want to be your boyfriend?

Uraha! Has actually has actually understood where I'm coming from!
But the others yeah you may be old, and know the consequences but if your in love you will risk or sacrifice anything to be with this person!
And J_9 you seem very protective over your 14 year old daughter!
AND I am acting like my age!
I know it may be wrong to have a 18 year old after me but I think I'm in love , I just thought hey maybe he wants one thing?
But No I went to a party with him he tryd nothing!
And I know everything about this guy!
Fave color:Blue Fave Singer:Chris brown Fave food: bake dinner Hates:Liers
Birthday: 14 November
But hey I'm still confused after all this! Thanks viewers and COMMENTS

Quote:

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

If you can imagine yourself being dirt poor, working 16 hours a day, coming home to a small shack, cooking a meal with your husband, when he's old, balding, and has a huge belly...and you still think you're happy with him, you "might" be in love.

This is awesome advice! I can't say that strongly enough!!

Everyone should have to seriously contemplate the idea when they think they are in love.

Quote:

Originally Posted by confusedgirl123

Fave color:Blue Fave Singer:Chris brown Fave food: bake dinner Hates:Liers
Birthday: 14 november
but hey im still confused after all this !! thanks viewers and COMMENTS

You know everything about this guy.
You can't even answer me if he is feeling the same way and wants you as a girlfriend.
Do you know what he wants to do in life?
Do you know what he figures is the ideal type of girl for him?
Do you know for a fact he is interested in you as being his girlfriend?
Do you know if he plans on going to college in another state?
Do you know what he plans for a life career?
If you planned to marry him someday--
Do you know how many kids he would like to have one day?
Do you know if he would want you to work, not work, or doesn't make a difference?
Do you know if he wants to live in the same area? In the city? Suburbs? Country? Another state?
I know my neighbors fave color, singer, fast food and what all they hate and their birthdays. Doesn't mean I see any of them as a potential boyfriend. (Those things mean nothing when it comes to a real quality relationship.)

Do you even know if he even wants you as his girlfriend. That is something you haven't even mentioned. I would think that if he wanted that you would have brought up where he stands in his wanting to be with you. If he hasn't said my guess is that you are grasping at wishful daydreams. So it is pointless to dwell on it until he lets you know what he wants in a relationship with you.
As the others have said, him being 18 and you 14 your mom could press charges on him.
So it is best to keep him as just friends for at least 2 years depending on what state you live in. But you don't seem to want to answer that either so that I could look up your state law.