I have this serious problem.

It may not sound serious at first but it has been going on for a while. I have begin describing to myself while on my afternoon walks that I want to die because 1. I can’t have the baby of my dreams (blue eyes blond hair baby girl) because I’m a totally different race. 2. I am too young, I’m 15. 3. I’m not really serious about it, it more of a dream I want to last forever. And 4. I have been like this every since I saw one of my cousin’s baby friends Clara at the park. It’s been a year already. I have to stop this delusion of mine. But I can’t, I’ve been having feelings of loss, and emotions I can’t describe. And I also have dreams where I am baby shopping and then somebody is chasing after me while I am baby shopping or trying to kill me and ruin everything. It’s gotten so bad I cry about it. I don’t want to regret any of my feelings but I need to change this A.S.A.P

Honey, I think you need to go and talk to your school counselor or ask your parents to take you to a therapist because any feelings of wanting to die are serious and you need professional help.

Wanting what we can't have is as human as breathing. You have created an obsession which does not serve you well. Feeling anything passes, changes. This will go away, and change too. You probably should talk to someone about it. However, talking to someone who tells you that you should just forget about it or that it's just growing pains would not be good.

Tell an adult, one who will listen, without judgement. Tell that adult that you feel suicidal. You aren't crazy, just stuck on these thoughts. Listen to their advice.

Sweety... first off, thanks for sharing your feelings and thoughts. Understand what you are thinking of (regarding having a child) is normal. Having thoughts of not being here, well that's all together different. Without knowing you, I sense you are a beautiful, wonderful human being who is just hooked on having something right now. Sweety, time will come for you to have what you want. I know you don't want to hear this, but having a baby at your age is entirely too young. My 21 year old niece was just like you... she has her baby now and can barely take care of it. Grant it, he's a wonderful child, but what kind of life is he really going to have when his mother can't even make her own decisions in life. You have to check in with yourself and ask are you being selfish by wanting one now. Things come to those who wait. For me, I'm in my late thirties, and I cannot have a child. I grieved and cried over this for several years until I came to accept it. You must not be too anxious... trust me... I know you want to scream but it will come for you. People say when you have dreams of children, that means you will have one. Please don't obsess over this. Talk to someone because you should never be alone with your thoughts when they get to this point. I am clear you are a beautiful and talented young lady as well. You deserve to live your life with happiness and fun! Go out there and have fun and give yourself a break... you will have the perfect baby no matter what it looks like. And you will love it!!

Learn to take each day at a time and learn to recognize the good things in life. Nobody gets exactly what they want but they learn to appreciate what they have. You are worrying about things far in the future and you don't even know what may or may not be possible for you in your life time yet so don't obsess.
When I was 15 I wanted a lot of things for my dreams that didn't matter by the time I was in my 20's.
You want a blond hair blue eyed baby. So you either adopt or you marry a white guy with blond hair and blue eyes and MAYBE you might have a blond hair blue eyed baby.
My old boyfriend was mixed -British and Black he had 2 blond haired and blue eyed kids.
But really if you don't get that you just be thankful you have a healthy baby.

Your dream most likely is saying you ARE obsessing too much.

Thank you everybody. I feel a lot better today and now, I just had to get my feelings out to the open yesterday and telling my parents was an option but they were having a joyful time so I didn't want to ruin that. I almost and I am sure I was not thinking about having a baby when writing this. I just had feelings of being rejected with other people's kids. And I never actually got to hold my cousins that much when they were little so I have regrets. I am sure I don't want a baby write now. I am thinking of going through collage first. I have things to take care of. And if I really wanted a baby it wouldn't matter what she or he looked like. Babies are beautiful no matter what. I have thought of death before but never to the point where I want to commit it. I just have feelings of regret and they take on to the order where I wish I could fix them. And before I close out, I think if I were to die without pain (because I hate suicidal thoughts because I felt pain through cuts and bruises that I didn't make happen and I hated having them on my body) That I would have to be really happy to die without pain. No matter how I look at it life is always on control, one thing is always another, and it's either you have enough thought into doing something whether it's bad or not to breathe in the world as a human being. I am who I am, lets face it. And nobody can change the way I feel about different things, but the can help me view things better and with that maybe I'll complete my life how I always wanted it to be. With or without.

I use to be like that when I was a teen I had more of a death wish but never suicidal.
I hate pain too and always kidded around about how I couldn't kill myself this way or that way or any other way cause they would all involve some sort of pain. Forget that!
We all have many regrets in life but that is where we learn some valuable life lessons and we grow strong in who we are. I regret that I was never able to do enough for my kids or with my kids but fortunately they still love me. I wouldn't trade them for the world.
It is good to think about what you want in life and have goals but not to the point that you set everything in stone and obsess on it.