I'm not sure how to explain my problem, but here it goes. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 18 months and just bought a house together about 7 months ago. When we first started dating like any other couple we would have sex often. Even as much as five days a week. But even though we were having sex that much he was watching porn as much as four times a week. I always brought this up to him and explained to him how it upset me he had to do it so often and that I wasn't enough for him. His computer it just full of porn and I even caught him looking up things like 'Jessica Alba naked' or 'Selma Hayek's tits' things like that. It really hurt because I don't really find myself to be that attractive to begin with. But anyway, in the past two months we have only had sex maybe ten times. Once a week. He quit looking at porn on his computer because he knew that I could find out. When I brought up the no sex and porn thing he said that he hasn't done it. But I know he bought some porn DVDs to watch on TV so wouldn't know. He keeps denying it but I know not only him, but any guy could not go without sex or masturbating that long. Then I asked him if he's still attracted to me, of course he said yes. I know again that he's lying. I hate the fact that I'm just old news to him and the only way for him to be turned on is to see other naked women. In fact, he's never been able to get just turned on by me. He's always had to watch porn and see other naked women. I don't know what else to do nothing I do makes him want me. He's never even done anything romantic with sex, like candles, passion, I hate it!

But anyway my question is what should I do or what can I do to not only feel better about myself because my boyfriend doesn't want me or make him want me?

I'm going to be completely honest. It sounds to me that you have insecurities with yourself... This makes you be much more paranoid with the surroundings. Look... now that he has no porn to watch, the sex you are having is no longer as active. He's not cheating on you! He just likes to watch porn, so what? It's natural. You should be thankful that he isn't physically doing anything with any other person... I would just let him watch the porn, if he really needs it, and hey! It's helping out your sex life. He is with you for a reason. You probably are very beautiful, you need to believe it yourself and not be so insecure. I hope this helps. :)

In these porno videos, is he searching for a certain fetish? If so, why not perform live for him?

You need to spark up the relationship again, get some sexy outfits and tease him. Lap dance, strip tease, sex games. There are so many things that are available.

Just because he's viewing porn, doesn't mean he's not attracted to you. All guys view porn, with and without girlfriends. Its just something that generally happens when the mood strikes and out of bordem.

Hope this helps,
Louis.

OK. When a woman doesn't find her self attractive or has her insecurities, the man can sense it. You need to feel better in yourself to make him want you more. He can honestly feel what goes on in your head, which might prevent him from initiating sex.

And, once again with this porn thing that women are so insecure about... so what if he looks at porn? SO WHAT!? Women always think that men look at porn because they like the way the women look, or because these women do things they want their woman to do. For some men, this is just not true. My husband watches porn once a day and jerks off... later in the day we may have sex, we may not. It doesn't make me feel less attractive or that he wants other women. Jerking off is easier and takes less energy and sometimes he's just not in the mood. Sometimes he does it for that reason, then he starts to get more energy and we have sex. Porn CAN be unhealthy for a relationship, it really can. But I don't think that your relationship is unhealthy in any way (other than your self-esteem issues). Sex once a week is a blessing for some people. I get it about 3 times a week. Sometimes more sometimes less. None of that has any bearing on whether my man watches porn or not.

If it does bother you though, that he watches porn, I think you went about it the wrong way. Don't tell him it makes you uncomfortable because you think he wants other women or he doesn't find you attractive, because that just makes you look insecure. Tell him you don't like it because it is hurting your sex life and taking up his time. And also, try doing some self-inprovement activities. Try going to a gym just to boost your ego and make you feel better. Maybe dress up nice once every weekend and have him take you out. My guess is he won't be able to take his eyes off you. Also, maybe dress up a little more for him, make him feel special... not just like it's any old day.

You might want to have some more girls nights out. Your girls can always make you feel better about yourself. I am not trying to be mean in my post... just being straight with you. You need to work on YOU before you work on US.

Not all men watch porn. A lot of guys do watch and use it and it's no big deal in their relationship. It's bothering you though. I once advised a friend to ignore it. She complained that her hubby visited strip clubs and then went home all ready for sex with her.

If it were me in your shoes, I'd shop for a different man, one who thinks that his woman is number one and turns himself into a pretzel finding out what makes her happy. A guy staring at a screen, for more that 30 minutes, whether it's porn or football is not making the best use of his time. (There's too much housework!)

Just my two cents.

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Originally Posted by KatieT211

I'm not sure how to explain my problem, but here it goes. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 18 months and just bought a house together about 7 months ago. When we first started dating like any other couple we would have sex often. Even as much as five days a week. But even though we were having sex that much he was watching porn as much as four times a week. I always brought this up to him and explained to him how it upset me he had to do it so often and that I wasn't enough for him. His computer it just full of porn and I even caught him looking up things like 'Jessica Alba naked' or 'Selma Hayek's tits' things like that. It really hurt because I don't really find myself to be that attractive to begin with. But anyways, in the past two months we have only had sex maybe ten times. Once a week. He quit looking at porn on his computer because he knew that I could find out. When I brought up the no sex and porn thing he said that he hasn't done it. But I know he bought some porn DVDs to watch on TV so wouldn't know. He keeps denying it but I know not only him, but any guy could not go without sex or masturbating that long. Then I asked him if he's still attracted to me, of course he said yes. I know again that he's lieing. I hate the fact that I'm just old news to him and the only way for him to be turned on is to see other naked women. Infact, he's never been able to get just turned on by me. He's always had to watch porn and see other naked women. I don't know what else to do nothing I do makes him want me. He's never even done anything romantic with sex, like candles, passion, I hate it!

But anyways my question is what should I do or what can I do to not only feel better about my self because my boyfriend doesn't want me or make him want me?

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Good God you can do so much better than hanging to this loser. There are other fish in the sea... dump him!

I can detect a bit of controlling behaviour as well as self esteme issues... No guy like someone demanding stuff and attempting to control them and their diversions. I'll lay odds he is so pissed about your obsession about him not watching porn its manifesting itself in his lack of desire to have sex. And yes if a guy is ticked off about something it will usually reflect his desire to have sex with the source of that anger. Even if he has chosen to not be vocal in his displeasure.


Issue #2 is your lack of self esteme. That is totally unrelated to the previous issue. Don't make the mistake thinking it is.

Most guys think Jessica Alba is hot... myself included even if I'm almost old enough to be her father. Selma Hayeks got a world class set of boobs. So what. Facts are facts. The guy chose to be with you because he saw something in you. Every woman isn't Jessica Alba, nor should they be. How boring it would be if everyone looked alike.

Perhaps its time to seek some counceling for the low self esteme. Perhaps that's driving your other behavior that I hate to say will destroy most relationships if left unchecked. The problem isn't him running out with the boys barhopping every night. He chose to stay with you. Keep that in mind. That speaks volumes.

Dump Him!! Dump Him!!

Being 'hot' is over rated.

Do you know what you can do to make yourself better? Love yourself. Love the skin that you're in.

There is nothing more sexier than a woman's confidence. No Jessica Alba can break that.

Tell me, when Selma Hayek is in her 90's and her boobs are saggin', do you think men will be lusting over her then? Life is too short to worry about such tideous things.

Enjoy life for what it is. If you don't like what he's doing then leave him.

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Originally Posted by bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE

Tell me, when Selma Hayek is in her 90's and her boobs are saggin', do you think men will be lusting over her then? Life is too short to worry about such tideous things.

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A point I make to my wife who whishes she had bigguns too. Small and perky will defy the ravages of gravity far longer than a set of knockers.

I like big nice ones... but then I like small nice ones as well as medium sized nice ones. I happened to marry a woman with small nice ones.

What is small to you? :)

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Originally Posted by bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE

What is small to you? :)

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"A" cup is small, wife is a full "A" cup... "AA" or "AAA" is positively tiny.

At least she won't have to worry about sagging :)

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Originally Posted by bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE

Atleast she won't have to worry about sagging :)

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Nope and at 43 they are as perky as they ever were in her life. As in zero sagging. She is slim and short as well so porportionately they look good on her.

I don't see why so many obsess over big bosoms. It's a fad if anything. First was big butts, now boobs.

I myself find comfort in my B size. Not too big, not too small.

Hey Katie, is that avatar you?

Gosh. I wish mine were small. But I guess I was destined to have biguns because my moms were HUGE and so were my sisters. I am 22 and they sag more than some 50ish women's do. I guess that's the downfall of having Triple d's. Plus, the back pain is enough to make me scream for mercy. I just wish I could have B's. Actually when my mom got breast cancer and had to have her Triple E's removed... she got b's... she said it was just what she always wanted... to be able to see her feet!

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Originally Posted by hollylovesbrandon

gosh. i wish mine were small. but i guess i was destined to have biguns because my moms were HUGE and so were my sisters. I am 22 and they sag more than some 50ish women's do. I guess that's the downfall of having Triple d's. Plus, the back pain is enough to make me scream for mercy. I just wish i could have B's. Actually when my mom got breast cancer and had to have her Triple E's removed....she got b's...she said it was just what she always wanted...to be able to see her feet!

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Most (but not all) women with biguns wish they had small ones... and women with small ones wish they had big ones.


And just about every guy wishes at some point they were hung like John Holmes.

Not me :)

Oh, the cycle of life. Curly hair wants straight... straight wants curly. It goes on and on. I guess that's probably the only part of body I would have physically altered by surgery. I don't believe in casual plastic surgery... but that is the one thing I would have done is my boobs.