I have a four month old daughter. Her father and I split up before she was born and he didn't come to the hospital when she was born so he's not on the birth certificate. He finally saw her when she was two weeks and was suppose to come see her every Saturday, however it turned into every once in a while. Now he's getting mad cause I won't take her out to his house. I would but I have a big problem with that. First of all he lives in a bad neighborhood, secondly he does and sells drugs, third he lives with his mom doesn't have a car or job. I don' want my daughter around that type of environment. She also has his last name but I want to get soul custody of her cause he is unfit for a parent and I only want what's best for her. What should I do and how do I do it? Thank You!! :confused:

Basically you do have sole custody until he goes to court to fight for 'his rights'
His name is not on the birth certificate and he seems to not want any consistency in her life.

If he becomes 'mad' and starts being violent, you have full custody and can get a restraining order and a trespass order put on him to prevent him becoming a danger to your daughter.

A trespass order stands for 2 years after the date of issue and does not require court case, the police can issue them if you are the property owner.

A restraining order requires a more lengthy legal process, but stops him approaching you and your daughter in public places.

It doesn't matter what her last name is, it doesn't mean anything if he isn't on the official paperwork.

Hope this helps,
Louis.

OK, I get the desire for people to be supportive of your plight, but honestly, you must have known he did and sold drugs during your pregnancy. It isn't like you delivered a baby and the light suddenly shone, so why did you allow it to happen in the first place? You gave her his last name, so as a judge, I would assume that if you came to court, you knew who your baby's daddy was. So the argument that he isn't on the birth certificate would mean little to me. You will have to prove by his conduct and criminal record that he is unfit. But this is no guarantee. If he doesn't pursue legal action to see his daughter for whatever time is required by state you may be able to argue abandonment, but if he is calling, writing, or stopping by and asking to see his child, you can't accuse him of that. Your best option is to try to get him to agree to visitation or supervised visitation ujtil he establishes himself as a responsible parent.

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Originally Posted by mariposa11

honestly, you must have known he did and sold drugs during your pregnancy. It isn't like you delivered a baby and the light suddenly shone, so why did you allow it to happen in the first place?

You gave her his last name, so as a judge, I would assume that if you came to court, you knew who your baby's daddy was. So the argument that he isn't on the birth certificate would mean little to me.

You will have to prove by his conduct and criminal record that he is unfit. But this is no guarantee. If he doesn't pursue legal action to see his daughter for whatever time is required by state you may be able to argue abandonment, but if he is calling, writing, or stopping by and asking to see his child, you can't accuse him of that. Your best option is to try to get him to agree to visitation or supervised visitation ujtil he establishes himself as a responsible parent.

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Honestly, this is very common for younger girls to get pregnant and then question what they got themselves into with the guy after the fact.

Must not watch Maury much, it is very common for young girls to give the baby the last name of who they assume to be the daddy. A Judge can do a DNA test and often they find out 'he' is not the daddy. So it does mean something that the guy is not on the birth certificate. If you watch Maury you would see how thousands of girls swear 'he was the ONLY guy I was with!' and 30 guys later they still have not found the bio daddy. So for a Judge to assume is not good.

True.

You have a lot at risk here. If he is selling drugs and you are there with your daughter or she is there alone with him and the police raid the place, you could be arrested also and your daughter taken to social services. This would be a HUGE issue with me. If he gets mad "oh well". Why are you even talking to him. I would not answer his calls or have any contact with him what so ever. This child is your responsibility and you need to protect her. She does not need to be around drug dealers or users. She could be hurt.
As for the legal aspect, until he gets a court order he has no rights. Why did you give her his name and not put it on the birth certificate? Is their a possibility it is not his?

You may want to start saving some money to contact a lawyer, get her name changed to yours and get on with your life and make a good life for you and your daughter. You sound as though that is what you want, you are a smart girl, you will do what is right. Good luck.

Changing her name can be done for free until she turns 1... since there is no father listed on the birth certificate, you should only need your signature to change her name (which would then generate a new birth certificate)

Until a paternity test is done to prove he's the father, he has no rights - period.

It is YOUR responsibility to protect your child - putting her in a dangerous situation is failure to protect - which is against the law and you could lose custody of her yourself should anything happen to her while she's "visiting" a guy who has not been proven as the bio father and you knew ahead of time what the conditions were in that building where you allowed your child to go.

Doesn't sound like he pays support for her either - something else is going on that's not being discussed here.

He's mad - too bad... so sad! He needs to grow up, be a man and prove that he's worthy and responsible enough of having such a huge influence on an infant!