 |
I am just wondering for those of you that have experienced it, and in general for females that did the breaking...
After a long term- 2 or more years- of a college relationship why did your relationship end, or why does the relationship end. I am just looking for some reasons. It has always stunned me because I have always thought the majority of people get married to who they are dating in college, yet a lot of people do break up post college. What are the reasons?
Well, being a senior, I can tell you that I've seen 90% of the relationships around me break up... as we have about 5 weeks left before graduation...
Most couples break up as they find jobs, go to grad schools, or just plain move to different areas, and they realize that they're not ready for marriage and they don't want to do long distance...
Others break up as they realize that there's more out there... as it was just a "college" relationship and it was just for fun... etc.
Is it just for fun though if it was 2 or 3 years? I don't really buy that. I could see the whole moving in different directions thing though. Any other comments?
Relationships are comfortable. In college, time is at a premium, so hooking up long term with someone you are compatible with in many ways makes perfect sense. It removes a lot of stress and energy in your private life and insures some quality, consistent relaxation when it's needed.
And at the same time, you probably forgive a lot for the sake of that security. But marriage commitments require you to be more realistic. You can put up with a lot of things from a mate in exchange for the security and comfort described above, but when college life is coming to an end, you probably start to get more discerning and bringing those relationships to a close.
It's not about love. We were born to love, that happens automatically with almost no effort in many cases. No, this is about the smart half that includes using good judgements.
The sad truth is that some people make better lovers than spouses. People change a LOT towards the end of college, not just in goals and priorities, but even in geographies.
If you're brutally honest about it, it should be clear to you that there are a lot more reasons for college lovers to break up at the end than there are to stay together. And the few that can survive the transition do survive.
The rest become excellent, wonderful fond memories. And all that is perfectly normal.
Very true. I don't mean that a 3-year relationship in college was all "fun and games"... but there's a distinct difference between a relationship in college + marriage.
For me, if my ex and I survived 1 - 2 years outside of college, I would have asked her to marry me... and I think a lot of people think that way... but they realize that if they're going to med school in Maryland and their girlfriend is going to law school in California... it always doesn't seem to work out.
Ok so this is right up my alley. When I was in college, my senior year I had a fling with girl who I had really wanted to be with for all four years, even though both of us were in relationships with someone off campus (my GF had already graduated). We grew to really love each other, but then came graduation. She decided to continue with the guy back home, they got married and had kids. My girlfriend, who I met in college, and I went on to get married and have kids. Flash forward about 12 years. The "fling" girl and I are divorcing our spouses and are going to be together forever. The above posts do hold some truths, you do change as a person after graduation. You start to think about career and family. These are things you don't really think about or talk about with your college lover for the most part. This is where you realize that there may be a problem. Just my experiences...Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnnyP409
*sigh* Well, at least you two have learned that marriage isn't a forever thing at all. It's just a big experiment you can bail on at any time, kids an all, and just try again... and again. Sweet.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gregisteredtrademark
Welcome to 2008.
If a guy won't follow a girl for her prospective place after graduation, the reason is that he doesn't really love her. And that proves their relationship is indeed a childish game for fun. Other excuses are weak in front of the true reason.
That college has break ups is because children don't really love their partners.
Whoa. I COMPLETELY disagree with you there... to the point I almost gave you a reddie.Quote:
Originally Posted by xiaocake
So... let's say my girlfriend wants to go to law school, and I'm going to med school... and we get into schools in different states... I should follow her to HER law school? Why? Why should anyone follow anyone?
Why would I give up my entire life's hopes and dreams to follow her? Yes... I love her, and NO our relationship isn't "childish" games...
If a couple loves one another, then they'll work out their relationship long distance... or they'll meet up later in the future. Just because I'm not willing to give up on my lifelong dream doesn't mean a thing about how much I love my partner.
Would you give up your lifelong dream for your partner? Would you EVER advise your son/daughter or even a friend to give up their lifelong dream for their partner?
The whole idea of "the ultimate sacrifice" for your loved one is such a hollywood idea engraved into teenage minds that "it's not love" because he wouldn't "give up his dreams" for you... that's ridiculous.
How old are you?
I know I'm answering this kind of late, but whatever.
Speaking as a college senior who is going to graduate in a couple of months, I'm paying attention to this issue a bit more closely myself.
I'd agree with the others and say the main reason that people end up breaking up with their college sweethearts is chiefly because simply their plans after college don't jibe with one another. One wants to go to grad school in New Jersey, the other sees a lucrative job opportunity in Toronto. One wants to remain in their hometown, the other wants to move halfway across the world. Or, one partner who is older is heading off to grad school and the other one has three years left in their undergrad degree. Things like that. You can always try a long distance relationship, I suppose, but a lot of the time they don't work out. They put a lot of pressure on people and drain their energy.
Or, the two partners simply outgrow one another. It's just natural. It happens. They see the beginning of a new future, and their current lover doesn't fit in that future, or they want to date around some more, to see what else is out there. That said, some college relationships do indeed stand the test of time. More so than high school ones, anyway.
I read some info from a Yale study which said that, for women, around 16% meet their future marriage partner at college.
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:36 AM. |