My friend just told me she suspects that her boyfriend is gay.
She said he's kind of soft on his actions and on how he says things. And he seems to be very interested on guys. Gives good looking guys a second look at the malls, etc.

They had sex already and she doesn't seem to have a problem in bed with him but that sometimes he loves to get a bj than get into her..

So is he gay?

Hi, angelfire,
The boy could be bi-sexual, meaning liking both men and women.
Why doesn't your friend ask him? If he isn't concerned about satisfying his partner, it could be that he is just plain "selfish".
Your friend needs to talk with him, find out for herself how he feels.
Best of luck.

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Originally Posted by fredg

Hi, angelfire,
The boy could be bi-sexual, meaning liking both men and women.
Why doesn't your friend ask him? If he isn't concerned about satisfying his partner, it could be that he is just plain "selfish".
Your friend needs to talk with him, find out for herself how he feels.
Best of luck.

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She already asked him and he said he's not gay. Do you think that he would tell the truth if he was gay, knowing that Philippine Culture is sooo conservative and so not open to bisexualism?

Or he may actually NOT be gay... and just be a little femine
Or he may BE gay and not know it yet
Or he may be gay and just not "out of the closet" yet

Unfortunately, there is no proven method of knowing that someone is gay.

Do gay people feel "icky" when they have sex with the opposite sex?

First, it depends on whether he is a homosexual or bisexual. If he is bisexual, ten he would be attracted to both men and women.

If he is homosexual, then there is a possibility that he could find women "icky."

(However, this brings up another issue which I would say that even a full-fledged homosexual man would NOT be find sex with women repulsive... at least not the same way that heterosexual men find sex with men repulsive. This would lead into the way of male/female energy... where men are naturally "attractED" and women are naturally "attractIVE." Which also explains how women are attracted to other women. But that's a debate for another thread lol)

Back to the question, you can't rule out the fact that he MIGHT be gay simply because he still enjoys sex with women.

Ok, there are many "gay" men who have been married for years and love their wives deeply, they enjoy sex withwomen but have also a desire for men.

And each person and case is different, and many men have what is considered more non male actions, this does not make them gay, only not ashamed to show some of their feelings. Growing up in my generatoin, men can't cry, they can't show a women how they feel, somebody on here actually said the only way to make a women want you, is to treat her bad. ( really) so this guy may just not be ashamed to show how he feels about things, it can also be a culture thing, depending on his ethnic background.

And of course there are some people who enjoy both men and women.
He could also be looking at their clothes, hairstyles, or feeling not as good.
I love clothes and will even stop people at times to ask them about their clothes.

Now she has asked, so if he is, he does not want her to know, my guess he is not, since today there is little reason to lie.

Is her boyfreind gay? He probably doesn't know himself!:cool:

Does it really even matter. There are some man that have show their emotions more easily, are very sensitive, have soft hearts and show it on their sleeves and yes even cry. Does that make somebody gay. Nope. Now if this person is looking at other guys well maybe, but who really knows. We can not tell. You can not tell and I think your friend might be over reacting.

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Originally Posted by angelfire

My friend just told me she suspects that her boyfriend is gay.
She said he's kind of soft on his actions and on how he says things. And he seems to be very interested on guys. Gives good looking guys a second look at the malls, etc.

They had sex already and she doesnt seem to have a problem in bed with him but that sometimes he loves to get a bj than get into her..

So is he gay?

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Most guys love a BJ, particularly if the woman is good at it. Sometimes more than other acts, that doesn't make him gay. Now checking out the butts of guys walking by, not that's a good sign he likes the other side as well.

I feel the question should not be "Is he gay?" It should be: "Does she feel wanted or desired by him?" Does she feel cared about in the relationship, and is there more to the relationship than just staying together because it's easier?

He could be straight, curious about bisexuality ("bi-curious"), actually bisexual, or predominantly homosexual without having acted out his desires. If any of the first three scenarios are the case, she has to decide if she can love him and be attracted to him and be okay with his behavior, or call attention to it if she has a problem with it and ask him to stop looking at other guys, etc. If he is predominantly homosexual, but has not acted on his desires, she should try to be supportive to him and tell him that she is there for him whatever the situation, but that she does not want to be in relationship where she cannot be fully loved by the other person- it would be unfair to both of them.

It's hard to know what the right thing to do is, but I really believe that even though we think we can read people's minds, we should remember that we can't and that we have to let them speak for themselves, and offer them the truth. If we confront them with a fear we have, we have to do so in a way that let's them know that we want the best for everyone.

Just my two cents!

I don't think he sounds gay at all, not from this info. I think your friend is just worrying about a stereo type. She needs to relax, if he was gay then I'm sure he would not what to confuse the matter by starting a new relationship. Unless he tells you more I don't really think it is a problem hun

If he was gay, he wouldn't be sleeping with her. He might be Bi, but I don't think he's a full-blown gay:D

If she walks in and he has the coach of the men's synchronized swimming team bent over his leather sofa - that would be one of the less subtle clues....

Barring that, I would say that the human "gut" instinct is remarkable in its powers. If she dates him awhile she'll probably have a good idea of his desires and their ability to connect. Some men can pass "on the down" low, but this gy seems open about his public distractions, so just go with what your comfort level is - gay otr not...

one serious caveat: in this age of AIDS, an open relationship is not safe. and he she needs to be direct sooner than later if she has serious questions about him sleeping with others - including men.

What kind of work does he do, and what kind of schedule does he have, and do you work also?

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Originally Posted by smoothy

Most guys love a BJ, particularly if the woman is good at it. Sometimes more than other acts, that doesn't make him gay.

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Nope, not necessarily gay, but a selfish schmuck.

Could he not be admiring another guys clothes or even physique? My boyfriend points out every guy who clearly works out and comments, especially when he is in training himself. I also look at women with little bum and flat tummies, because I would kill for both. Its not a sexual thing.

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Originally Posted by vlee

Nope, not necessarily gay, but a selfish schmuck.

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Not selfish if he is taking care of the woman's needs as well during that time... and not watching TV and drinking a beer at the same time.

Without more info, we cannot assume anything, as we know nothing about the dynamics of the relationship. I wish the OP would come back and answer some questions or give us a better insight into how these two get along. Most sex problems between couples usually stems from how well they communicate and resolve issues, or their work schedules. We don't even know if they are both healthy or not, let alone their sexual orientation.