Well, I've seen and experienced my share of heartbreak. In fact, I know that everyone on this forum has also gone through this life changing ordeal. With that said, I was wondering what everyone's thoughts were on the topic of relationships and fate. Do you feel that we are all meant to be with a particular special someone, or is our partner determined by a series of mistakes, coincidences, effort, and chance?

Personally, I haven't been able to decide. There are times when I feel like its so clear that there was a fateful reason for why a relationship did or did not work. Yet, there are also times when I hear people say things like "Well if it doesn't work out than it wasn't meant to be," or "Things happen for a reason," and I think to myself that these thoughts of fate are just an excuse for the mistakes made by ourselves and our partners.

Some may think that this question belongs in a different forum but I would like to keep it here because it's a question of fate specifically dealing with relationships. So what is everyone else's thoughts on this matter?

I like to tell people that too. That if it does not work out then it was not really meant to be. You make a very valid point though. If both partners do not work at the relationship then of course it is not going to work out. As far as becoming close to someone, or not making an effort to be with someone then It would not happen.

Now thinking on this, I think that it takes effort. Time, Patience, and so many more things altogether that makes a difference. Now using the words or phrases that you described. People do not necessarily use them as an excuse of something not working, but I think of it more as a way for somebody to deal with a situation better when things do not work out. Can you blame somebody for wanting to feel better in a bad situation like a break up?

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Originally Posted by confused25

Well, I've seen and experienced my share of heartbreak. In fact, I know that everyone on this forum has also gone through this life changing ordeal. With that said, I was wondering what everyones thoughts were on the topic of relationships and fate. Do you feel that we are all meant to be with a particular special someone, or is our partner determined by a series of mistakes, coincidences, effort, and chance?

Personally, I haven't been able to decide. There are times when I feel like its so clear that there was a fateful reason for why a relationship did or did not work. Yet, there are also times when I hear people say things like "Well if it doesn't work out than it wasn't meant to be," or "Things happen for a reason," and I think to myself that these thoughts of fate are just an excuse for the mistakes made by ourselves and our partners.

Some may think that this question belongs in a different forum but I would like to keep it here because its a question of fate specifically dealing with relationships. So what is everyone else's thoughts on this matter?

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Hi confused... Auntie Allheart here. :)

You ask awesome questions that I think have a variety of answers. From my own personal experience, I do think that hubby and I (prior to meeting) where traveleing two different roads... in order to pick up learning skills... and then, God blessed me, and the two roads joined together.

Now, in a general sense, if we do not learn from past relationships, what were the good points, what did we contribute to the successful moments, and what did we contribute to the unsuccessful ones, then we may continue the pattern of unsuccessful relationships, or quite difficult ones.

But if we use each relationship as something to learn by, then our ulitmate one, will be that much rewarding for both in the relationship.

I am a beleiver in the "meant to be" if we are sure to grow from each learning experience, we can make healthier choices, or better choices. Failing to do this, may assist in us missing the one that should not have got away.

Does that make sense?

Hope you are doing well.

Auntie Allheart.

I also have a hard time figuring out the difference between the two. There are so many different components to every situation that it's not a hard and fast conclusion either way.

Myself, I would very much like to believe in fate. (fingers crossed) I also know that there is hard work involved in any relationship whether it's fate or otherwise, and relationships need to be groomed in order to fit into both people's lives.

I've been in 3 long term relationships, and I would have liked to think the last one was fate, but it was so far from it... unless that is my fate.

This is one heck of an interesting question, because I'm a little speechless (which doesn't happen too often, lol) So, I'll have to think on this one a little more. :)

There are two things; fate and destiny. I am a true believer in both. The definition of fate is that a higher power (I happen to believe in God) has a plan for us. Destiny is what WE do with our fate. We may not be able to change our fate, but we can effect it by changing our destiny, otherwise known as choices. For example, your fate is to get to work or school everyday. Your destiny is the path you take to get there. One day, you may decide to take a right on Main Street and the next day you have to stop for gas and have to take a left into the gast station before going to work. A little detour you might say, although it is not the same, exact course that you may have taken the day before.

That is the way that it was explained to me. I hope it helps.

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Originally Posted by Mom of 2

There are two things; fate and destiny. I am a true believer in both. The definition of fate is that a higher power (I happen to believe in God) has a plan for us. Destiny is what WE do with our fate. We may not be able to change our fate, but we can effect it by changing our destiny, otherwise known as choices. For example, your fate is to get to work or school everyday. Your destiny is the path you take to get there. One day, you may decide to take a right on Main Street and the next day you have to stop for gas and have to take a left into the gast station before going to work. A little detour you might say, although it is not the same, exact course that you may have taken the day before.

That is the way that it was explained to me. I hope it helps.

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Hi Mom of 2,

Very true, and I know at least 3 of us on this post believe in God also. (I haven't had much conversation with the poster of this message, so I don't want to assume)

You're absolutely right. Your destiny is the path, road, etc. that you decide to take. But, some of us make better choices and take the better, less bumpy roads down that path. Some don't, and stay on the bumpy roads. Some try and make a detour and get lost somewhere along the way for awhile. But some also hit a roadblock and get disoriented and don't know where the heck they are anymore.

Was it your fate to hit the roadblock? or was it your destiny or choice? It might have been the only route you knew in your life, and you took the turn that felt right. Then all of a sudden you have ended up in the ditch on a dark highway, spinning your wheels.

You did your best to learn how to drive and maintain your " car", but the driver and the passenger fell asleep for awhile. Does this mean your fate is to be stuck in the ditch? No, probably not. But it might take a 10 ton truck to pull you out. So is that fate? or is that still your destiny?

Does any of that make sense? :confused:

All of you make sense. I've always thought that there is a master plan. My God is not a parental figure anymore though. My Higher Power is my friend who supports the workings of the plan I have chosen to follow. In other words, the plan was not made for me, but by me. Unless I quit thinking about it in words, it makes no sense that I have chosen my own path, with the all the joy and suffering along the way. But if I shut up mentally and just feel it, it fits perfectly.

Then, I can hear God laughing, or crying along with me.

I do not disrespect others who don't share this view, not at all. It has given me peace though.

My idea of a relationship, is finding the partner you work well with, and who gives, as good as they get. Someone you can learn to talk to, and be open with, and they do the same. Someone who won't quit through the hard time, and shares the good times with you. Some one you know will be there, and you will be there for them. Some one who will work as hard as you will, to help you both make this journey through life, and someone who you can trust, and let them see your naked soul, as they would never harm you. Someone who will not just tell you the truth, but show you as well, and someone who doesn't mind your new spare tire, because you are to old to do those sit ups anymore. Truthfully, we try and practice having that perfect love, when we are not perfect ourselves, but that's okay, because all that heartbreak, and practice we do pays off, when we find that someone who wants to work with us to build that life together, no matter what we have to go through. Hard times brings you closer, and the good times are that much sweeter, so your glad that all those heart breaks from the past have gotten you to this point, with this partner, and you know the journey was well worth it. A true blessing from God for your efforts. Don't even let me get started on the kids..

Thanks for all the responses! I really appreciate them and they all make sense. I actually lean towards the notion that we all have a fate but the way we get there is up to us. I think it's a proper balance. However, at the same time it's far more complicated I think. We forget that the world doesn't revolve around us alone and that the choices other people make can greatly affect our destiny. Sometimes that roadblock on the road was put up by someone else. We're all interconnected somehow.

There's one other thing that bothers me though. What about all those people who never find someone special to spend their lives with. Was it meant to be for them to be alone? If there is a fate for all of us, than why is it that their fate requires them to be without the love of a partner?

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Originally Posted by confused25

Thanks for all the responses! I really appreciate them and they all make sense. I actually lean towards the notion that we all have a fate but the way we get there is up to us. I think its a proper balance. However, at the same time it's far more complicated I think. We forget that the world doesn't revolve around us alone and that the choices other people make can greatly affect our destiny. Sometimes that roadblock on the road was put up by someone else. We're all interconnected somehow.

There's one other thing that bothers me though. What about all those people who never find someone special to spend their lives with. Was it meant to be for them to be alone? If there is a fate for all of us, than why is it that their fate requires them to be without the love of a partner?

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Exactly! and thank you for that. That was a question on my mind from the beginning! Sometimes it doesn't seem to matter how hard you try, how good of a person you try to be, how pretty, how sexy, how anything!. that it just might have not been in the cards for you. You still want to think that fate will play it's role, but sometimes you wonder!

Life is what you make it, just in case you think you can sit, and look cute and get what you want. It takes work.

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Originally Posted by confused25

Thanks for all the responses! I really appreciate them and they all make sense. I actually lean towards the notion that we all have a fate but the way we get there is up to us. I think its a proper balance. However, at the same time it's far more complicated I think. We forget that the world doesn't revolve around us alone and that the choices other people make can greatly affect our destiny. Sometimes that roadblock on the road was put up by someone else. We're all interconnected somehow.

There's one other thing that bothers me though. What about all those people who never find someone special to spend their lives with. Was it meant to be for them to be alone? If there is a fate for all of us, than why is it that their fate requires them to be without the love of a partner?

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My sweet and wonderful confused (who by the way is not so confused :)

Roadblocks by other people, can only be roadblocks for us, if we allow them to be.
No, I do not believe anyone was meant to go through this world a lone, perhaps they are still on their journey, of learning, painful at times, but still a journey and hopefully will heal from past hurts and be healthy enough to meet and be with that special someone.

You are not confused, you are very wise ;) Auntie Allheart says so. :)

Like I said above, fate and destiny do not have a set schedule. You have to have faith that your fate will happen when it is supposed to happen. Your destiny is determined based on the decisions that you make, which DOES include anything that someone else does that has an effect on your life. Again, life is full of choices and it is up to you to make the most of your time here on earth and to make the best decisions to your situation that you can make based on the information that you have at the time. I am sure that you are aware of the saying hind site is better than 20/20? That is because we may not have had all of the information that we needed in order to make the absolute best choice that we COULD have made. But, that does not mean that whatever choice we did make was not a wise one. Again, you can only make the best choice/decision that you can make at the time with the information that you have AT THAT TIME!! Learn from any mistakes that you make and apply these lessons to anything that happens in the future. Remember, we are allowed to make mistakes. As my son's kindergarten teacher told me 6 years ago, "There is a reason that pencils have erasers - we all make mistakes!!!"

No, you will not always be alone. Start making changes in your life in order to attract the things that you want. Confidence is the sexiest thing out there. If you are confident in yourself, then that is what is going to attract the best people in your life. That is what has happened to me. If you don't feel very confident right now, then fake it 'til you make it. Start putting a little bit of fun in your life, as laughter is the best medicine for anything. Just because you may not have a "special" someone/significant other in your life at the moment does not mean that you are alone. If you have friends and family in your life, you are not alone.

I hope this helps!

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Originally Posted by confused25

Well, I've seen and experienced my share of heartbreak. In fact, I know that everyone on this forum has also gone through this life changing ordeal. With that said, I was wondering what everyones thoughts were on the topic of relationships and fate. Do you feel that we are all meant to be with a particular special someone, or is our partner determined by a series of mistakes, coincidences, effort, and chance?

Personally, I haven't been able to decide. There are times when I feel like its so clear that there was a fateful reason for why a relationship did or did not work. Yet, there are also times when I hear people say things like "Well if it doesn't work out than it wasn't meant to be," or "Things happen for a reason," and I think to myself that these thoughts of fate are just an excuse for the mistakes made by ourselves and our partners.

Some may think that this question belongs in a different forum but I would like to keep it here because its a question of fate specifically dealing with relationships. So what is everyone else's thoughts on this matter?

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Some people are put together by fate because sometimes people know they are meant to be with someone and others go there whole life wondering if they found the right one but no one really knows what they want.Ill say when you know you are in love then your whole world stops and you just stand there thinking how did I do this then all in a moniment you realize this is it and your whole life falls into place and most people don't get that.some sleep with there friends because they have a close connect and the next thing you know that's gone but yes sometimes it comes but only if you wait and let it come to you

I think knowing yourself very well, is the key ingredient to loving yourself, and being able to love others.