Ask Me Help Desk - How do men communicate?

A guy and girl met and got on well.
They liked each other but had some difficulties, he is younger although mature in some aspects. She eventually got fed up of feeling guilty for unfairly correcting his (younger) behavior all the time and wanting more communication that was respectful. He did not really understand and they argued so she left out making any further attempt and kind of snubbed him out of frustration and to mainly keep the peace (for a few months by just saying hello, good bye etc.) He did at times stop to make an effort but she did not respond. That appears to have been a massive mistake.
One of the main reasons was that she thought she liked him more and wanted what he could not give in a relationship so she got a little hurt, by her own fault.
Anyway, she ended up apologizing sincerely and yes, again but he denied any offense and instead of accepting the apology - retaliated, in anger.

Because why, now, would he stare at her constantly and appear dismayed or downcast when she is talking to other people but yet be deliberately un communicative when she tries to speak to him when he is looking at her? Is this the anger, or hurt? Or unforgiveness?
He ignores her texts, walks off whilst saying 'hello' or 'how are you' and yes, I said whilst saying - not actually stopping to ask. He appears happy and friendly with others but keeps on staring and being uncommunicative?. Why?
Is it possible for a fella to like a girl but show these feelings?
Can a man help me on this one? Thanks.

I'm not a man. He's being a little turd boy in my opinion. He would do well to grow up. Find someone who already has.

There is a great book called "If Men Could Talk, here's what they would say. " By Alon Gratsch. Read it. Them have HIM read it.

I think you hurt his "feelers"... aka, his ego. You said he was young, and that's what you got... a young boy who doesn't know how to handle a mature relationship, and he is freezing you out because he has no other life experience to pull out of his hat!

By the way, the 3rd person story telling was fun to read.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Handyman2007

There is a great book called "If Men Could Talk, here's what they would say. " By Alon Gratsch. Read it., Them have HIM read it.

Thank you.

I read a little insight into the book on Amazon and it will obviously help a lot.

But while I am waiting to order it, do you think that this fella could like the girl with these signs being a cover up? What if she started dating someone and he knew?

Quote:

Originally Posted by breathless1

A guy and girl met and got on well.
They liked each other but had some difficulties, he is younger although mature in some aspects. She eventually got fed up of feeling guilty for unfairly correcting his (younger) behavior all the time and wanting more communication that was respectful. He did not really understand and they argued so she left out making any further attempt and kind of snubbed him out of frustration and to mainly keep the peace (for a few months by just saying hello, good bye etc.) He did at times stop to make an effort but she did not respond. That appears to have been a massive mistake.
One of the main reasons was that she thought she liked him more and wanted what he could not give in a relationship so she got a little hurt, by her own fault.
Anyway, she ended up apologizing sincerely and yes, again but he denied any offense and instead of accepting the apology - retaliated, in anger.

Because why, now, would he stare at her constantly and appear dismayed or downcast when she is talking to other people but yet be deliberately un communicative when she tries to speak to him when he is looking at her? Is this the anger, or hurt? or unforgiveness?
He ignores her texts, walks off whilst saying 'hello' or 'how are you' and yes, I said whilst saying - not actually stopping to ask. He appears happy and friendly with others but keeps on staring and being uncommunicative?... Why?
Is it possible for a fella to like a girl but show these feelings?
Can a man help me on this one? Thanks.

Well contrary to some of the previous posts I will tell you this was not "just" his fault. Both of these people are showing poor use of communication.

Now the level of maturity is what's being dealt with now, but as a result of all the previous "bad acts".

One interesting statement at the beginning. "She eventually got fed up of feeling guilty for unfairly correcting his (younger) behavior all the time and wanting more communication that was respectful." Fed up for feeling guilty. That is a very interesting statement. It implies unhappiness or dissatisfaction. If you are dissatisfied with someone it usually shows in your communication resulting in some resentment possibly on both sides.

"He did not really understand and they argued so she left out making any further attempt and kind of snubbed him out of frustration and to mainly keep the peace (for a few months by just saying hello, good bye etc.)"
I have to comment on this because his level of maturity is in question (implied). Giving someone the cold shoulder is just one more method of communication. Poor choice as it may be, it sends a very loud message. "your not worth the time for me to work it out".
Emphasized by the response "He did at times stop to make an effort but she did not respond."

Now the next point was "Anyway, she ended up apologizing sincerely and yes, again but he denied any offense and instead of accepting the apology - retaliated, in anger". Now I have to ask, was the conversation something like.."let's agree to both be wrong" or "I am sorry, now don't you have something to apologize about?". Sorry about the situation that was caused by the scenario or? The statement leads me to assume that the communication was again lacking on both sides but we could analyze that further with more specifics. Guys tend to react negatively after being snubbed on their attempt to be humble. When a woman comes to the table after the fact it can be perceived that she is trying to be superior and in a relationship where the maturity level (implied even) is in question, you re-enforce an attitude of contempt.

Your last paragraph description of his "attitude" shows his immaturity but isn't a uncommon reaction for a male. In all likelihood he is actually very remorseful. Ego is his enemy at this point. Bruised and probably pretty hurt by the situation. Understand that his lack of verbal communication is still communicating loud and clear. On the surface it is easy to say "oh he is just being a little baby", but the reality is he is talking to you with his actions. I would say angry and hurt are very good assessments of his feelings at this point. If this is something "they" both want to work out then "they" both need to work on ways to communicate better to one another. If he is willing to work things out he will be receptive. If he isnt...."she" will probably continue to get the reaction she is.

I think this is a good example of two people, who don't know how to reach each other, or work together to resolve their issues. For whatever reason, be it immaturity, or lack of experience, or individual issues, clearly this relationship cannot work at this time. The feelings they have cannot sustain, or maintain, a healthy relationship, and moving on to other choices, better suited for both, is highly recommended.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

I think this is a good example of two people, who don't know how to reach each other, or work together to resolve their issues. For whatever reason, be it immaturity, or lack of experience, or individual issues, clearly this relationship cannot work at this time. The feelings they have cannot sustain, or maintain, a healthy relationship, and moving on to other choices, better suited for both, is highly recommended.

Agreed. QFE