I'm So Sad.What Can I Do?
I had met this guy, who is so amazing and treated me like I was a princess.. I knew he was the one for me even though I was only 16 at the time. He just clicked with me. He was interested in me first and he even told me that he fell in love with me the moment he met me. It was perfect. Everything was going great but into our relationship, there was one guy who I had a thing with way back during my freshman year. He was my friend but my boyfriend was very insecure with him being around. However, one night, my friend came over just to hang out and he pressured me into hooking up with him. I felt so awful and I tried to keep it from my boyfriend. He eventually found out from my sister that my friend was over at my house. Of course I regret it more than anything in this world. My boyfriend (Philip) and I tried to work things out and we eventually moved passed that. Everything was going so well.. he was everything I ever wanted. I fell in love with him. During the time, my friend came on to me again and asked if I wanted to have sex with him. I never actually did but I did agree to it, he seduced me once again.. I kept it from philip again and when I told him, he broke down and cried. I standing there cried my eyes out too.. never again would I do that. Philip was such a good supporter, I was actually surprised that he still wanted to be with me. After that I never did anything like again.. hell no, I loved philip more than anything. Then towards thanksgiving, it had been over a year being together. I had fallen behind in school and I asked philip for a break just to get my grades up.. I could tell he was heartbroken, but I had to do it for myself. He had left town one weekend for football playoffs and I was at my best friends house. Two of our guy friends came over to play guitar hero. It ended up snowing and the two guys ended up sleeping over. My best friend being the moron she was told one of the guys to hook up with me.. in a way I was so sad about my break with philip but I wasn't going to do it. I loved him so much. However the story got turned around and people thought we did. Before christmas, philip and I had talked and exchanged our gifts towards each other.. he wrote me a beautiful love note that made me sob my eyes out.. but I knew that I had to get my grades up so I said for now please.. I need a break. For some reason though, we were just hanging out all the time still.. which was a very bad mistake.. at a party together, I was chatting with his friend and he asked what was going on with philip and I. I told him that we weren't together and philip overheard. He then started flirting with some other girl which PISSED me off so I left the party.. I just hurt so badly inside. He had left for Arkansas and during that time the same guy that wanted to hook up at my friends house came on to me.. asking me to have sex. I absolutely told him NO.. and he went around and told philip the exact opposite. Philip then broke up with me and said his heart couldn't take it anymore that he didn't love me anymore.. im so devastated.. and we haven't really talked since. I've told him that I didn't lie to him and that I love him more than anything.. and being away from him is so painful. We've been broken up since around January.. but I still want to be with him so badly. He said we both needed space so I'm respecting that.. what do I need to do to show him that I love him and for him to realize that I'm not a liar nor a cheater in anyway? He's who I want to be with.. and I want him to see what a good person I am. :,( I can't get over it as hard as I've tried. I just think about him all the time. I'm even seeing a therapist but I still want him back in my life. He was my best friend, my first love.