Ask Me Help Desk - Trying NC, but want to let him know something.

My BF broke up with me a week or two ago. He was my first... boyfriend, kiss, love, all that stuff. He was very special to me. I always felt so lucky to have him. I going through all these different emotions... hurt, sadness, regret, anger. He just left me a message on myspace... that's how he broke up with me. Sounds crappy, but it was the most beautiful message. He said he still loved me and cared for me and still sees me as his best friend, he just couldn't be in a relationship now. I responded and told him that I just wanted to talk to him and to call me when he feels the time is right. After a week of no response I became impatient and in a panic I called him which I regretted. I left a voicemail. He texted me back saying he just wants his space. I probably had annoyed him. Im so confused, I want to believe his words, but its hard when his actions were basically saying 'get the hell out of my life' and in a way, were rude. I guess I can't really know how he truly feels... if he just said those things to be nice or what.

I deleted his phone number and just got rid of myspace. I don't want to know what's going on in his life. I know it'll just hurt me or make me upset. As much as I miss him and want him back, I know I can't change his feelings. I wanted a talk, if we couldn't work it out I just needed it for closure, but he obviously doesn't want any of that. So I'm doing what everyone is telling me... no contact no contact, stay busy and move on. I want to respect what he wants, even though he couldn't give me what I wanted. I know that no contact would be the best thing for me also.

I know I need to just move on now, but I really want him to know how significant he was in my life. I learned so much from him and he helped me experience new things. I guess I want to say thank you, but I'm scared that he might think the complete opposite of me. What if I was nothing to him? Just another ex? What if he forgets me and just moves on? What if he's so happy now and relieved to have me out of his life?

But I still want him to know how I feel. I know I can't speak to him and I'm afraid that if I send him a letter or email he'll just ignore it. Or it'll annoy him or make him angry with me. He said he wants his space. Should I wait until some time passes? Or should I not do it at all?
Again, I'm not trying to make him come back to me. I just want him to know what he meant to me.

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Originally Posted by Chameleon24

My BF broke up with me a week or two ago. He was my first.....boyfriend, kiss, love, all that stuff. He was very special to me. I always felt so lucky to have him. I going through all these different emotions...hurt, sadness, regret, anger. He just left me a message on myspace...that's how he broke up with me. Sounds crappy, but it was the most beautiful message. He said he still loved me and cared for me and still sees me as his best friend, he just couldnt be in a relationship now. I responded and told him that i just wanted to talk to him and to call me when he feels the time is right. After a week of no reponse i became impatient and in a panic I called him which i regretted. I left a voicemail. He texted me back saying he just wants his space. i probaly had annoyed him. Im so confused, i want to beleive his words, but its hard when his actions were basically saying 'get the hell out of my life' and in a way, were rude. i guess i can't really know how he truly feels...if he just said those things to be nice or what.

I deleted his phone number and just got rid of myspace. i dont want to know whats going on in his life. i know itll just hurt me or make me upset. As much as i miss him and want him back, i know i can't change his feelings. I wanted a talk, if we couldnt work it out I just needed it for closure, but he obviously doesnt want any of that. so im doing what everyone is telling me...no contact no contact, stay busy and move on. i want to respect what he wants, even though he couldnt give me what i wanted. I know that no contact would be the best thing for me also.

I know I need to just move on now, but I really want him to know how significant he was in my life. I learned so much from him and he helped me experience new things. i guess i want to say thank you, but im scared that he might think the complete opposite of me. what if i was nothing to him? just another ex? what if he forgets me and just moves on? what if hes so happy now and relieved to have me out of his life?

But i still want him to know how i feel. I know i can't speak to him and im afraid that if i send him a letter or email he'll just ignore it. or it'll annoy him or make him angry with me. he said he wants his space. Should i wait until some time passes? Or should I not do it at all?
again, im not trying to make him come back to me. i just want him to know what he meant to me.

I actually don't have much of an answer for you. Im having a very similar problem... although the NC was pretty much pushed on me. I think you SHOULD let the person know how you felt and their importance... but be ready for shock or hurt if you overestimated their feelings for you.

I myself was with someone for 5 years, things screwed up, we broke up and after only a few weeks, she "moved on" and found the first guy who made her feel OK... since then, she doesn't really speak to me, is still with this guy who, as said "things arent expected to go far" (its been about 3 months now). I told her how I felt... numerous times... and she just shrugged me off and broke my heart... I haven't heard from her in a month now.. and am not expecting to until she deems that I'm over her, or that she's completely over me.

All I'm saying, is that silence can be good or bad... but do what you can live with yourself with... no matter the cost or consequences.

Hey there... I'm going to tell you this from personal experience... PLEASE don't do it!! Maintain N/C. It's the only way you will ever be able to move on with your life. I made a huge mistake last year in sending my ex-bf a goodbye letter just like the one you want to send. I was surprised at how very hurt I was when he didn't respond to my letter. The thing is I sent it even after I had so many people on this forum tell me not to. I wished that I had listened, so I'm asking you to please take my advice. Feel free to read my past threads if you want to get an idea of what I went through... It was a living nightmare of hurt, sadness, anger, pleading, and just plain making a mess of myself.

Just keep this in mind. He broke up with you, and he knows where you are. If and when he wants to talk to you he knows where to find you. In the meantime work on healing your heart and getting on with your life... The best of luck to you.

Also, I would like to remain friends with him like he had mentioned (if he truly felt that way). I understand that it may be the end of us as a couple, but I want him to know that I'm open to staying friends. I don't mean to really hang out or see each other, but just maybe keep in touch. Maybe a call or message every month or so. I don't know if I should suggest something after time has passed, or if I should wait to see if he does something. Or maybe it's a bad idea all together ?

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he said he wants his space.

As hard as it is, you must give him what he asked for, and move on with your life. He was your first ,but won't be your last, so keep your dignity and self respect by leaving him alone as he has asked. Click on the links in my signature, and let me know if you can relate.

He broke up with you with a myspace message!! Are you kidding me. If he couldn't even be a MAN and break up with you face to face ask yourself how significant you were in his life. He took the cowards way out regardless of how beautiful the message he left. Trust me someone who broke up with you in a myspace message isn't going to care what you have to say now cause if he did he would have broken up with you like a MAN and let you have your final say.

I know this is kind of harsh but just move on I know he was your first boyfriend and what not but just move on. It is for your own good. Now go out with you girl friends and have some fun this weekend and just forget about that little boy.

I would honestly just wait. If he truly wants friendship then let him make the first move, and then what happens then will be up to you. Just don't do anything that could push him farther away, and leave you even more hurt. Believe me, I know how hard it is, but no contact is always the best way

First, don't send the letter! That's a huge mistake as you will only be disappointed with any outcome from it. It's an excuse for you to talk to him, plain and simple.

Second, that friends crap, don't buy it for a second. The question you have to ask yourself right now, are you prepared to see him with another girl in his arms and be happy for him? If not, then a friendship is NOT going to work.

Yeah, so I saw this morning on Facebook that he's listed as 'in a relationship' w/ this one girl who was a friend of his. Whatever. I don't know if they're just having fun or if this started before and led to our break up. Or maybe he's just jumping into another one because he feels he needs to be in one.

I don't really know but personally I don't really care. This morning I got upset about it but by now things just seem to be making more sense. He told me in his 'beautiful' myspace message that he "just doesnt want to be in a relationship right now." Now its just getting easier for me to see that it was all b.s. He probably said it all because he didn't want me to feel hurt, but telling lies and making me have hope for something "down the road" isn't right either. Actually, it almost seems worse.

His ex-gf's before me were all sort of wild party girls who ended up cheating on him or lying to him or running off w/ other guys. He was sick of that and in the beginning he told me that he wanted someone who wouldn't do that to him. I was good to him and he knew I would never do anything like that. But I guess he found out that he didn't want that any more. Maybe got bored w/ it. So this new girl who's his friend is the complete opposite of me... she's a partier. If he wants to go back to that then fine. And if she ends up treating him like crap like the other ones did then its his own damn fault. Now I want him to try coming back to me in a few months saying that he made a mistake... not so I could have him back but so I could just be like "well you had something good but you lost it. too bad"

I was excited when I met him because he was older then me. (im 21 he's 26). I thought he'd be mature. I always saw him as a man who seemed so smart and strong-willed. To me he now just looks like a little boy. The girl who's his friend is like a senior in high school. How sad is that? Chasing after kids. Im just moving on now. I guess I can't forget him since he was my first. And remembering our good times will probably still make me sad for a little bit, but my expectations of him running back to me one day are gone. And if he tries I'm not going to give into that. He tried to change his life around w/ me and I guess that didn't work for him. Maybe he'll realize one day that he made a mistake, but I'll be long gone by then.

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Maybe he'll realize one day that he made a mistake, but I'll be long gone by then.

That's the spirit, and start by staying away from that myspace thing! One day you'll look back and thank him, for setting you free from his BS, because you will be in a much happier, healthy place.

Thanks talaniman. I actually did get rid of myspace and deleted his number and everything. I didn't want to know what was going on in his life. Sure, curiousity was there but I knew it would only hurt me. How am I suppose to focus on ME when I'm cyberly stalking him?

I wasn't that into myspace anyway so I didn't mind having to get rid of it. I found out about the relationship thing through Facebook actually. I left him as a friend on there only because he doesn't really do anything on it and hardly goes on there. I also have tons of friends on there and out of the 90 I have as friends I probably only talk to 10, so I figured he'd just get mixed in w/ the others. I guess I was really stupid and this morning decided to check his page out because I wasn't expecting anything to be changed. Guess that was my bad, but in a way I think it helped me a little. Like I said, when I see stuff like that it just makes it easier for me to realize that his message was b.s. and I shouldn't be concerned about becoming friends w/ him or writing letters to him.

If she was the reason for the break up, he should have been honest w/ me. Sure, it would have made me feel worse at the time... but by lying to me and giving me some **** about how he "cares" about me and that he proably would have married me just makes him look 10x worse now then if he just hit me w/ the truth.