Ask Me Help Desk - Do I even love him?

I have the best boyfriend ever! We get along amazingly and we have a lot of the same interests. But the thing is whenever he phones there's something within me telling me to not answer it, or when someone knocks on the door and it's him something makes me hesitate to open it. But then I do let him in and it's akward at first unless someone else is in the room to make things settle and get comfy. Then when everyone leaves us alone we get into the whole make out thing and hugging and putting arms around each other a lot but then we do have every odd akward silence and major stomach butterflies. But he's all into the whole smoke weed thing and he drinks a bit of beer every once and a while which I woulden't normally mind.. but the fact that he leaves me for it even if it's for a few minutes and then comes back and apologises for going upstairs to do it he keeps doing it, and because I'm not into the whole thing I feel alone, excluded even though I wouldent participate in it and he does it whenever he comes to visit me. I know he does it because I gave him permission to but I never thought he'd leave me for it... He does try getting the smell off and brushes his teeth and stuff to make it go away but like if he leaves me for the weed.. even though it's for a minute or two do you think that it hints on how much he cares about me that he's leave me for a herb.. I know I might be stressing over nothing but it kind of makes me feel neglected and hurt... even after he stares into my eyes and he has that cute sideways grin and makes me get air headed from all the butterflies and tells me he loves me. I can't help but go crazy over him... it's like he's irrasistable. But in shorter version lets say what's bugging me is that well the hesitation I get when he contactls me and how he leaves for weed... Please help I'm really confused here and I'm not sure what to do... I don't know why I bother asking this but do I even love him? Even after he makes me melt I'm still so confused... Does he even love me? He says he does and it looks like he means it but how can he mean it when he's ditching me for an item all of the time..

It sounds to me like the two of you don't feel comfortable being alone with each other yet. He might sense that you are uncomfortable by the sound of your voice on the phone, or the look on your face when you answer the door. That might make him uncomfortable and lead to the awkward silence. Maybe his way of avoiding feeling so uncomfortable is to leave for awhile and smoke pot or drink a beer to relax himself so he doesn't feel so nervous. I don't think he's intentionally ditching you, and you shouldn't take it personally unless it starts to happen more frequently and for longer periods.

You should just come right out and tell him that it's not his fault, but sometimes you get a little nervous around him, especially when there are the gaps in conversation, and awkward silences. I wouldn't doubt if he tells you he feels the same way. You probably just need to get to know each other a little better. The next time he calls or comes over, ask him what he did, or is doing that day, or ask him questions about things you know he's really interested in. Then tell him about your day. Some people aren't good at starting up conversations sometimes, but if you start making it seem all about them they might start to talk more. If he doesn't, talk about the stuff that happened in your day, or life etc.

I also want to say that if you are feeling alone and left out even if he's gone for just a few minutes, that he might feel like you are smothering him and you need too much of his attention, and he just has to escape for a few minutes. Give him his space because that will backfire on you and you WILL find him doing it more often. You do sound like you need him to be totally focused on you when he is there, and if he's not you get insecure. Just keep yourself busy while he is gone and when he comes back just say something like... hey hun, glad your back but it gave me a few minutes to throw in a load of clothes, or whatever. Don't be too clingy to him... no guy likes that.

You don't like him doing weed, and leaving you alone. I get it. One question though, is this all you guys do is sit around making out? Are there other times you go out and have a good time?

No you don't. Listen to yourself and trust in yourself.

I just found out your 13. Where the freak are your parents, when he is drinking beer, and smoking weed, at your house?

You are so young, of course you don't even love him. You don't even really know him. Best find a boy who is not into drinking and smoking anything, especially weed. He is going down a dark road, don't follow it. You are more special than that.BTW, where are your parents? Mine would have tossed him over the fence already.

I think what you define as love is completely a personal feeling. However, if you feel awkward around him and would rather not answer his calls then no, I don't think you are in love... in lust maybe. You are so young and have many many relationships to follow. If you rate him any less than 10 out of 10 for all aspects, then move on and enjoy your teen years! You only have them once!

Quote:

Originally Posted by KD33

I have the best boyfriend ever! We get along amazingly and we have alot of the same interests. But the thing is whenever he phones theres something within me telling me to not answer it, or when someone knocks on the door and it's him something makes me hesitate to open it. But then I do let him in and it's akward at first unless someone else is in the room to make things settle and get comfy. Then when everyone leaves us alone we get into the whole make out thing and hugging and putting arms around eachother alot but then we do have every odd akward silence and major stomach butterflies. But he's all into the whole smoke weed thing and he drinks a bit of beer every once and a while which I woulden't normally mind.. but the fact that he leaves me for it even if it's for a few minutes and then comes back and apologises for going upstairs to do it he keeps doing it, and because I'm not into the whole thing I feel alone, excluded even though I wouldent participate in it and he does it whenever he comes to visit me. I know he does it because I gave him permission to but I never thought he'd leave me for it... He does try getting the smell off and brushes his teeth and stuff to make it go away but like if he leaves me for the weed..even though it's for a minute or two do you think that it hints on how much he cares about me that he's leave me for a herb..? I know I might be stressing over nothing but it kinda makes me feel neglected and hurt...even after he stares into my eyes and he has that cute sideways grin and makes me get air headed from all the butterflies and tells me he loves me. I can't help but go crazy over him...it's like he's irrasistable. But in shorter version lets say whats bugging me is that well the hesitation I get when he contactls me and how he leaves for weed...Please help I'm really confused here and I'm not sure what to do...I don't know why I bother asking this but do I even love him? Even after he makes me melt I'm still so confused...Does he even love me? He says he does and it looks like he means it but how can he mean it when he's ditching me for an item all of the time..

Your feelings of not wanting to answer the phone when he calls or the door is your instincts kicking in and warning you that you are in a relationship that is not good. You clearly have issues with the "pot" and you should! Don't get involved with someone who does things that compromise what YOU think is not right. The butterflies and excitement when he smiles at you is a normal feeling of wanting to be loved (and you wanting to love someone)-but if it's not a good healthy relationship-it will end- and better to end it now then to prolong it. If he cares for you and it's truly love then tell him how you feel about the pot and if decides the pot stays then you go-fast! And remember if you feel sad or miss him like crazy-that doesn't mean you should go running back to him-it means you are normal-and most people feel these things-but in the long run you'll be doing what is the right thing for YOU.

Wow hun, I didn't know you were 13. I assumed you were maybe in school, but not Jr. High School. Listen to all the others here. You are not in love with this boy. You don't even know what loves involves yet. Love isn't just a nice tingly feeling you have. Let's just say you have exitement and lust.

I have the same thoughts as the others. Where are your parents? Honey I sure hope with all of this making out that you're doing, that at the VERY LEAST you are using condoms and hopefully some other form of protection, because you would find out in a big hurry how much HE doesn't love YOU if God forbid you got pregnant at your age. How old is your boyfriend? I would hope he is not 21, because that would be a whole different story. What business does he have drinking beer or smoking weed, at your age.

Focus on school and your teenage years babe! They will be gone before you know it.