A girl that I've become romantically/sexually involved in recently says she has never had an orgasm before (including masturbation). In effort to be her first, I've experienced the reaction myself. Rather than climaxing, her body seems to tighten up as it becomes more intense (as if she is about to orgasm), and then all of a sudden, as she's explained it, she "can't take it anymore" and one way or another scampers out of it. I know she's emotionally attracted to me and visually it's very obvious how much she enjoys it. Is there anything I can try to maybe break through this barrier?

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Originally Posted by Fallen59

... she has never had an orgasm before (including masturbation)... Is there anything I can try to maybe break through this barrier?

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It's clear that the problem you mention is not a physical one.
Many women react similarly early in life.
The more they want that first orgasm, the more difficult it becomes to reach it.
The problem here is between the ears, not in the groin.
Time, relactation, love and tenderness, and male control of his own behaviour are at the basis of her first orgasm. Only by putting these on top of the list of important items in your love play, you will be able to let her experience her first orgasm.
Success.
;)

It sounds to me like she has a severe case of *performance anxiety*... nothing good comes from this.

America is a *goal oriented* culture, and with all the extraneous sex talk in the media and pressure on young people to have sex early, there is little wonder that many have a difficult time learning and experiencing quality sex.

Orgasmic bliss is just under the surface for mature women, relaxed women who see the world in a positive, loving light. :)

How for you to deal with your girlfriend? It may be possible that she may be too mentally and physically immature for orgastic sex. She may need to have a few months of gentle and extended foreplay without the *pressure* she puts on herself to orgasm. In addition, I think she needs to develop her fantasy life, learn to have fantasies that turn her on! After all, a woman doesn't go from prim girl to a blissful woman without lots of sexual conditioning. :)

What's that old joke? "How do you get to Carnegie Hall"? Said a musician to a cab driver.

PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE. :):):)

Hey choux and I agree again. How about that?

Pressure and stress can kill her ability to reach orgasm.

Now... choux has said in the past that it's the woman's task to figure out how to reach orgasm, and I agree somewhat. If she can't please herself, how can you, not being wired to her sensations, know what to do?

I've been with my partner for 10 years and I still need cues from her from time to time. It just isn't about "put peg A into slot B and do steps 1,2,3..."

So... relax a bit. This isn't about your failure. Its about finding what works. And maybe stopping the Big Hunt for the Big Orgasm is a place to start.

Don't know how old you are or your living situation. If you are younger and trying to squeeze sex in when others are away for the moment, it might not be the best scenario.

If I feel stressed or pressured occasionally this can throw in a mental block that makes getting to orgasm more difficult.

But... you say she has a buildup that intensifies and then she can't take anymore? Is this with intercourse? Oral? Is it that she becomes too sensitive at her cl!toris? This can be really different from one person to the next.

I dated one girl who LOVED strong, direct cl!toral stimulation. It was fantastic. I was king of the bedroom and could do no wrong. She could get off all the time, every time, with direct friction at her cl!toris, either with intercourse or with finger stim during.

Little did I know that the next partner would HATE that. HATE IT. I went from cant-do-no-wrong to dont-know-a-damn-thing.

Next girl needed butterfly kisses. The softest, wetest caress. I barely felt like I was doing anything. Even better, stimulation away from the cl!toral head, at the labia minor or fingers at the mons pubis or at where her inner thighs meet her pelvis could drive her over the top. Basically, I had to completely stay away from the cl!t until she pulled me to it.

All that said... one of the best things I ever learned wasn't a sexual technique... it was relaxation techniques... sensual touch. If I were to grab my partner the minute she walks in the door, take her clothes off, and do "all the right things"... itd go nowhere most of the time.

I know what it takes to help her relax. I know the time of day she's most sexually driven. I know when to not push the issue.

You are starting in a bad place because she doesn't believe it can happen. She's frustrated. Time to forget short term about orgasms.

She needs to try something different. If this means different stimulation, OK. If self stimulation isn't doing it, why? Afraid of someone intruding? What about use of water in a bath? Has she used a simple vibe? And on and on.

So... don't be frustrated. Its just part of the process. Women have written in here who have said they didn't get an orgasm until they were in their 20's. Some still cant. Some find their way with patience and time and a willing partner.

It sounds like she is getting "there" but stops herself. Maybe she is afraid of the unknown. She needs to relax and just let it happens and see where it takes her. Be careful,, she may turn into a monster if she experiences it and like it!!