My daughter is going to be turning 3 next month and she seems to be acting up more and more each day. When we go to public places she seems to scream when we have to leave or when she wants something that she can't have, I feel like I can't take her any were if she keeps acting like this but I can't stay stuck in our house for ever till she decides to behave in public places. My husband and I have tried to punish her but it doesn't seem to be working. The other day I took her swimming and when it was time to leave the pool she got very angry and started hitting and screaming at me, I have never been that angry before it was the worst. I need help because I have no clue what I am doing wrong as a mother HELP PLEASE!!

Actually, she's acting just like she is supposed to at this developmental stage. She is figuring out that she can be a person separate from you and is testing what that means and what she can accomplish on her own. It's part of the separation-individuation phase that will allow her, as she matures, to make good decisions and become a person in her own right. She's being strong-willed, so it's up to you as parent to reframe that into a positive attribute.

Of course, that doesn't mean you have to be her doormat. Give her choices but not unlimited ones. Don't say, "What do you want for lunch?" but ask, "Do you want a hot dog or chicken noodle soup?" Don't say, "Get dressed now" but ask, "Do you want to wear the pink ballerina shirt or the purple one with ducks on it?"

Choose your battles carefully. If she doesn't want to eat peas, so be it. If she doesn't want to sit in her car seat and wear a seatbelt, that's not okay.

Be consistent. Don't threaten a punishment and then not deliver. Spanking probably doesn't do any good. Studies are finding that kids who are regularly spanked can grow up into adults who are attracted to risky and harmful sex, because spankings have linked love and violence, and that gets acted out in sex.

Don't get caught in a power struggle. Give advance warnings as much as possible ("Later we have to go to the doctor's office, so you will have to decide what to wear. Do you want me to pick out some clothes for you to choose from or do you want to do that?").

Have her help around the house. Under your supervision, let her empty the wastebaskets and vacuum. Teach her how to make her own bed and pick up her toys (and return them to the proper place) -- make a game of it, sing, whistle, tiptoe, march, play music while you work. Let her help you make brownies or cookies. Set her on the countertop and let her dump into the bowl cupfuls of sugar and flour and chocolate chips that you've measured out beforehand. Teach her how to correctly break an egg. Make cookies that need decorating and let her (with your help) put on the sugars or sprinkles.

Next time you take her to the library, ask a librarian for help in finding books on 3 y/os and how to discipline and teach them. Be sure your child chooses and checks out a stack of books and then take time each evening to sit together and read those books.

Children younger than 6 change month by month and even day by day. Be patient. This too will end!

Also, sit down on the floor and play with her. Line up her dollies and stuffed animals and tell them a story that you make up. Play tea party with real tea (or chocolate milk) and little cookies. Pretend to be very proper ladies out for the afternoon. Even dress up in hats and scarves and jewelry. Build towers with blocks. Anchor a sheet or blanket over kitchen chairs or big boxes and go camping or be bears in a cave. Make it a special place for her to read books and take naps. Go for walks and count tulips or garbage cans. Find and count mailboxes or garage doors. Use colored chalk to draw pictures on the sidewalk. Lie on the grass in the back yard or at the park and look at the clouds. What shapes are they in? Get books from the library about weather, clouds, games to play, easy recipes for kids to make.

Have fun with her.

Wondergirl has some really great advice. And I agree, no corporal punishment, not even spanking. Threaten her (and then follow through with) a time out. Super nanny (maybe watch her show. She really is amazing and offers lots of helpful tips) says one minute for every year old they are. And the time starts when they actually stay seated on whatever you choose to have as their time out spot. Then when the time is up you go and make them apologize for what they've done wrong (i.e. "i'm sorry i threw my doll at you mom" or w/e) and then give them a hug

Also... when somewhere (swimming, for instance) - or wanting them to do something - pick up toys or go to bed for instance - 15 minutes before you want to leave, tell your child/ren they have 15 minutes and then it's time to leave/clean up / go to bed / whatever. Remind them at 10 minutes and then 5 minutes before, "Ok kidlettes! 5 more minutes and then it's time to (fill in the blank)". This way, they have warning, they know what's coming and you aren't taking them abruptly away from whatever they are doing without preparing themselves for the switch. That still works with my 12 year old (tho I don't give warning every 5 minutes... ) 15 minutes is plenty of time to finish up on the game/project they are working on.

Terrible twos can last a lifetime... I don't think my husband ever grew out of his! =)