Hi I am twenty years old and I am currently in a relationship and have been for about ten months now. I am having lots of difficutly about our sex life... well because there is none! I am lucky to get it once a week and that is only because I have been asking him and hinting it all week and he never does anything about it so I end up getting upset... I am so confused about many things because I don't know why I am the girl and he is the guy and he never wants to do it with me. I don't think it should be that way I feel as if I am the horny guy and he is the girl in the relationship and it doesn't feel very good. I have had a conversation with him many times about it and told him how myself esteem is very low and I feel very unattracted around him because I feel that he never wants me, but he says that he is attracted to me and thinks I am very sexy and he just doesn't seem to understand.. he goes on to say that "hes not like every other horny guy and blah blah blah" but that doesn't even make sense to me because he is also 20 years old and never wants to have sex.. I mean its not like I weigh 300 pounds and I have craters all over my face or something so... there was a couple times that I wanted to break up with him or take a break just to see what he would do but he says that its messed up that I'm breaking up with him because of sex... he just doesn't agree with me that its important in a relationship.. DOEs anyone have any answers for me because I am so confused of what the hell is going on in his head?!







To reply.. to all of your answers, he just recently got into video games and just got put on medication for his anxiety, he says that maybe it's the anxiety pills may be the reason for it but it has always been like this the whole time we have been together before he started taking the pills. As for getting to know each other more before having sex well when we first started going out we never had sex because we were getting to know each other more.. then we finally did it so I don't think that getting to know eachtoehr more has anything to do with it because we have beeen dating for 10 months I feel this is the time in a relationship where you should be exploring each other sexually and I would love to do that but I can't because I don't even feel comfortable because I feel that he's only havng sex with me because I want to. I feel like there is nothing more frustating when I am sleeping at his house and laying there wishing he would touch me and I have to keep it all inside because I feel like I'm always wining and pesturing him about it and the more I keep it inside I just blow up. I try so hard to just keep it in and wait until he wants to but that never even happens.. we just recently talked about him going to the doctors so maybe he is just unhealthy...

Well a lot of men will prefer to have a caring relationship based on common interests and would prefer not to make sex the major factor in a relastionship. And others perfer to wait till they are married, and may have guilt feelings about sex before they are married, when and if they are pushed to have it.

And I guess the real issue is that while it is part of a relationship, a real relationship would be made and established beore the sex is part of it.
So perhaps he wants to do other things when you two are together beyond have sex.

This is why we date, to find out if we have the same interests and if we want the same things from a relationship.

Is he into video games? Use drugs? Have other female friends? Could he be on medications for mental health issues? Does he like 300 lb girls? A girl asking for sex can be a turn-off to some guys.

I agree with you, 20 yo male should be spending untold hours per day thinking about sex and if he's healthy he should be going after your bones day in and day out. GOOD LUCK...

Relationship isn't all about sex

Try to talk to him about it

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ang145

I dont think it should be that way i feel as if i am the horny guy and he is the girl in the relationship and it doesnt feel very good.

---

In the same sense maybe he is feeling this way to. Believe it or not there are people who aren't "that" into sex. Maybe him being one of those people makes him feel like the "girl" in the relationship and he's insecure about that. You can't pressure or guilt a guy into having sex in the same sense that a guy would NEVER get away with that.

As for thinking it's the wrong reason to break up with him... not at all. Everyone has things that they find to be an important part of a relationship and they need to be agreed upon (or at least reach a compromise). You think sex is important while he doesn't. It's adding stress to the relationship so you are completely right to break it off in that he doesn't do for you what you need a guy to do. But this doesn't make him wrong, just wrong for you.

Good luck hon!

<3 Leslie

To reply.. to all of your answers, he just recently got into video games and just got put on medication for his anxiety, he says that maybe it's the anxiety pills may be the reason for it but it has always been like this the whole time we have been together before he started taking the pills. As for getting to know each other more before having sex well when we first started going out we never had sex because we were getting to know each other more.. then we finally did it so I don't think that getting to know eachtoehr more has anything to do with it because we have beeen dating for 10 months I feel this is the time in a relationship where you should be exploring each other sexually and I would love to do that but I can't because I don't even feel comfortable because I feel that he's only havng sex with me because I want to. I feel like there is nothing more frustating when I am sleeping at his house and laying there wishing he would touch me and I have to keep it all inside because I feel like I'm always wining and pesturing him about it and the more I keep it inside I just blow up. I try so hard to just keep it in and wait until he wants to but that never even happens.. we just recently talked about him going to the doctors so maybe he is just unhealthy...

It's always better to reply in the SAME thread when you're continuing a discussion.

Just click on the "Answer this Question" tab, or start typing in the box below your answer and click on "post quick answer"

An antianxiety medication blocks or diminishes certain stimuli which otherwise could produce anxiety or the feeling of being anxious. Many of these 'blocked receptors" are involved in the emotional and physical content of human responses to both positive and negative stimuli. Example: OK, every time you sneeze we'll call that a mini orgasm. You also have itchy eyes so your doctor puts you on a antihistamine which blocks the histamine and your eyes stop itching... but you no longer sneeze. He should talk with his M.D. for a prescription change or dose adjustment. Good luck ST

Scour the threads here and you'll see you aren't the only one in this place, though that doesn't give much comfort.

If he's on meds, he should talk to his medical provider about this. If he isn't willing to talk about it, he has a lot to learn.

On top of the meds and any condition, stress, health, fitness, sleep, even the seasons and many other things can contribute to a lower drive.

My partner and I have both gone through ruts. Once when she was physcially ill or recovering for an exended period (months) and once when I went through a about of depression. It happens.

All you can do is try to talk it out without trying to attack him. It could be that he just isn't a giving lover or interested in sex generally. It could be that he's going through a rough patch.

In time, if things don't improve, don't feel guilty about considering sexual compatibility. There are people whove posted here, ten years into a sexless marriage, who had all the signs on the front side and just ignored them, thinking itd all get better.

A last note... are you on birth control or is he using birth control? Stess of potential pregnancy, even with use of birth control (which is not 100% effective) can lower libido.

Dear a,

You have had a 10 month relationship with this guy and what have you learned? This guy isn't for you. He has sexual and mental health issues at age 20. At your age, your goal is to make the best possible match *for you*, find a man who will make a good life partner, a good all around man!

When you are young, there are plenty of men to date and make friends with and get to know so you can find someone really good for you. The older you, or anyone gets, the fewer good men are available, lots are married or otherwise unavailable. Don't spend too much time on guys who are unsuitable to be a life partner. :)

Just a suggestion, why not take up a new sport to help you expend a lot of your excess frustration and anger... a game like tennis is excellent for that. Take lessons. In fact, you might meet another man playing tennis. In the past, I decided to take tennis lessons to spruce up my game; I made friends with one other male student; we played singles together, and he flirted me up... the tennis instructor asked me out to lunch(God, he was good looking!)... at the time, I was married and I didn't want to cheat on my husband(never did).

So, you see, if you are out there living your best life, there are other people, especially men, out there to meet and date. :)

Have a wonderful 2008!