Wife cheated on me. Now what
OK I have been married for almost 15 years. The furst few years of marriage were pretty rough. I was a control freak and jealous (turns out for good reason, but honstly I was jealous long before she was a cheater). We had a really bad 2 year spurt which is when she cheated, that was 6 years ago. We went to counsling (not about affiar because did not find out about it till 2 weeks ago) and then I did individual counsling for a couple of years.
We have 3 kids now ages 5,3,1. OK so how I find out. I always kind of knew. I found an email that I showed her back when that bascially said if you are going to hook up with someone else let me know so I can move on. And I got part of an email where she sent him some nude photos. I did not have the pics just pieced it together. She was able to get me to believe it was my jealously. Anyway the dude was a co-worker, he was married, lived in my old hood ,etc. The way I found out was his wife was arrested for inappropriate behavior with a 18 year old student and she is a teacher. It brought up the whole think and she finally admitted it. She seems truly sorry and seems to try and make me feel loved. For her this was 7 years ago for me like it was yesterday. She is invovled in the conversation and understnads my hurting, etc.
sorry so long but want to give some back ground.
When she first told me it was a 1X thing that was spur of the moment. I told her that did not fit and a couple of days later she said there was a 2nd time that was a bit more expected plus lots of activity that did not invovle intercourse but cam pretty close to. He ultimately started flirting with another girl my wife tried to hold on to him by sending nude pics, etc and then it ends. She says because she was getting tired of it and decided she wanted to stay not leave.
Few questions... Was I wrong and am I still a fool for trying to understand the entire picture. I do not want gory details but I have to feel like I understand what happened, not sure this is a smart thing to do.
We have had a great last few years but I feel like I can never get over what she did. I love my kids and it will really hurt them if we part, I do not want that but I also have to feel like I matter to, which she says I do, and I really have no reason to believe the last 6 - 7 years have been anything but us.
I also am a bit hung up on the sex part. She was never all that outgoing in that area but she did things outside her normal self during her affiar and she wants to just be less than that now. 15 years in I'd like a little excitemet and not sure that I can handle her having her fun and oh well.
This really hurts and it feels strange because it was so long ago for her, but I am at a loss for how to handle. Any thoughts appreciated.