I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. He went to uni last October, we've been through some serious stuff and got through them - none of these involve cheating or liking another person though.
My boyfriend never really had any girl mates before he left for uni, and of course this brought me no worries. But now I've come to realise he has a few girl mates at uni now, and they have their own little jokes which I don't understand, and I get really jealous and upset. I have found this out on Facebook, as he doesn't really talk about his girl mates. Although I have confronted him a bit (jokedly) about this and he's just said they're just in his group of friends and all just get along. However, a few weeks ago he went out clubbing with all his uni friends and the next day I saw pictures of him with his arm round different girls in a few pictures from their night out, and this made me feel upset and weird about it. I told him about this and he just said they're just friends and its just being friendly. But surely he can have a photo with them without his arm around them?
And now, he's on his easter break for a month and he's back home, but on the last weekend before he goes back to uni, he told me he's planning to go to berlin with his two uni friends (who are both guys) "to look at art galleries." for some reason I got jealous about this too because he couldve been spending his last weekend with me as he always sees his uni mates at university. I know its wrong to feel like that maybe, but I can't help feeling like it! And I hate it. Also, this morning I was on Facebook again and it turns out a couple of his girl mates are going to meet them there for a day (and he told me before that he was just going with two guys).
The other thing that upsets me about the trip is a few months ago, me and him were talking about going on holiday in the summer for a week and I was really excited about it, but then he told me he's not sure how he's going to get the money for it because he doesn't have a job and the holiday was quite expensive. So I suggested a cheaper holiday but he still wasn't sure how he was going to get the money. So we just left it at that and said we won't go on holiday this year because he is honestly cautious about money atm because of uni. However finding out about him going to berlin for a "long weekend" with his friends has upset me and I asked him how he can afford it and he said his parents are going to pay for him to go.
I just feel really upset and jealous about so many things and I don't know why. Please help:(

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Distantlove

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. He went to uni last october, we've been through some serious stuff and got through them - none of these involve cheating or liking another person though.
My boyfriend never really had any girl mates before he left for uni, and of course this brought me no worries. But now iv come to realise he has a few girl mates at uni now, and they have their own little jokes which i dont understand, and i get really jealous and upset. I have found this out on facebook, as he doesnt really talk about his girl mates. although i have confronted him a bit (jokedly) about this and hes just said theyre just in his group of friends and all just get along. however, a few weeks ago he went out clubbing with all his uni friends and the next day i saw pictures of him with his arm round different girls in a few pictures from their night out, and this made me feel upset and weird about it. i told him about this and he just said theyre just friends and its just being friendly. but surely he can have a photo with them without his arm around them?
and now, hes on his easter break for a month and hes back home, but on the last weekend before he goes back to uni, he told me hes planning to go to berlin with his two uni friends (who are both guys) "to look at art galleries." for some reason i got jealous about this too because he couldve been spending his last weekend with me as he always sees his uni mates at university. i know its wrong to feel like that maybe, but i can't help feeling like it! and i hate it. also, this morning i was on facebook again and it turns out a couple of his girl mates are going to meet them there for a day (and he told me before that he was just going with two guys).
the other thing that upsets me about the trip is a few months ago, me and him were talking about going on holiday in the summer for a week and i was really excited about it, but then he told me hes not sure how hes going to get the money for it cos he doesnt have a job and the holiday was quite expensive. so i suggested a cheaper holiday but he still wasnt sure how he was going to get the money. so we just left it at that and said we wont go on holiday this year cos he is honestly cautious about money atm cos of uni. however finding out about him going to berlin for a "long weekend" with his friends has upset me and i asked him how he can afford it and he said his parents are gna pay for him to go.
i just feel really upset and jealous about so many things and i dont know why. please help:(

---

You are feeling jealous because he is doing these things without you, but perhaps instead of you sitting around while he has all the fun and moping why don't you and your friends go on vacation, start to do things without him. You need not to be insecure and getting jealous because this will only backfire, and start to push him away, where he may feel smothered. It is possible to have friends of the opposite sex and be friendly and have enough respect for your relationship. I also suggest that you stop going around snooping and looking for "things" to throw in his face on the computer. The bottom line is that if he wants this relationship he will respect the relationship, and if he will cheat or do something, you can't stop him.. no matter how much you try to prevent it, and just to let you know jealousy will only push him away. Jealousy is a natural emotion, and many of us may experience it at some point, but don't let it overwhelm you and don't think that your partner can't do things and be happy without you,or don't assume he loves you less. As far as you and him going on Vacation, if he says he can't afford it, how about you spend time together doing something locally and inexpensive that will let you know if he really wants to spend it with you or not. It doesn't matter where you go, as long as you are together, understand that this man was not the same man you met 1 year and a half, he is growing up, and apart of growing means that you may have new friends. You began to change the way you do things, because the reality is that you have one life... I wouldn't go into a frenzy thinking that something is going on with these women unless he confess or you catch him. But still at this point what can you really do? Besides leave him. But don't go jumping to conclusions.. Begin to start doing things for yourself. If he wants this relationship nothing will keep him away but if he don't nothing can make him stay... Hang in there and try to control your jealousy.

Ok, I am VERY well expierenced in the jealousy field. So I will explain the best of what I have learned. Jealousy stems from our own insecurites, whether we think our mates are better looking or you think they can do much better than you. The truth is, they chose you, that alone should be enough. I'm sure he approached you and you guys hit it off, so that should set your mind a little at ease. While he is going out with his friends, call the girls up have a girls night out. Trust me, it will be great! Also, about the jealousy factor. I read a terrific book on the subject, it's called "Overcoming jealousy and possessiveness" you can order it online from Amazon.com, it was the best thing that helped me with my jealousy as it points out your reasons for your insecurities. Jealousy is a long uphill battle that will be hell for you, but you have the strength to change and control the outcome. If you keep on the self destructive path, you will lose your mate. Trust me on that one

Thanks!
But I don't know why I feel like this? Its since he went out clubbing that night and I saw the pictures with girls, I've gradually become more jealous when he goes out with friends etc. before I was fine with him hanging out with his uni friends. I'm confused as to why I've suddenly felt jealous a lot! He's told me if I don't want him to go to berlin then he'll understand and he's there for me, but I don't want to tell him I don't want him to go. How do I stop myself from feeling like this? Argh:confused:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Distantlove

how do i stop myself from feeling like this? argh:confused:

---

You only feel like this because you feel obligated to be the only person that makes him happy, and you revolve all your happiness around him, and he is not doing the same so you feel jealous, or perhaps jealous because you don't have that. Do you have male friends that you hang out with or talk to? If you don't have a friend of the opposite sex where you can hang out with and don't feel any attraction too then and only then can you understand. I think you are more jealous because this is something he just started doing, and you are not doing it, so you feel impelled to be jealous. Don't stop him from going out he will or may resent you later for not allowing him to "live his life"

If you Trust him, then pull jealousy aside, and let trust guide you rather than letting your jealousy instinct take over you and ruin your self-esteem and your relationship. I think you need to do as he does do more things that makes you happy and not wait around for his confirmation or okay, But still remain respectful to the relationship. Go out with your friends, and be happy

Rome put it very well, you have issues that you must work on, to overcome, before it tears this relationship apart, and any other you may have. This is your problem to deal with, not his.

Yea I hope I can overcome it.
Its weird because I'm fine with him hanging around and talking to his mates from home, who I all know and used to go to school with, but when its his uni mates who I've never met I feel weird about it and I'm not sure why, I dno if I can trust them or not.

It's never about trusting them.. It's about trusting your partner, not being able to trust his company is a cop out and really means you don't trust him.