My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost exactly a year and I care about him a great deal and he treats me very well We want to get married eventually. When we first started dating he had an apt. and we had sex quite often for the first few months but around month 4 or 5 there were a few nights when I wanted to that he didn't. He had to move back home because he is trying to save money while in college until he graduates next May. Since then we almost NEVER have sex and it makes me feel undesirable and like he's not attracted to me I have tried explaining this to him several times but I feel he just isn't getting it... maybe its my fault I do like to have sex more than most girls I know but I never thought that was a bad thing until now. For example his parents went out of town for 4 days and we have had the whole house to ourselves and we have only had sex once and I didn't even go he promised it was just a quickie for now and we would do it again later. But then every night he has been too tired but he hasn't been at work since the holidays. He has been playing computer games all day. He says he feels like that's all I want from him but that's not it at all but I do think sex is a essential part to every relationship. He wants us to move in together once we get engaged in the summer I hope that once we do things will heat back up and he promises they will... I am feeling EXTREMELY frustrated. And I am considering ending the relationship even though I want to be with him and every time I try to explain to him how serious this is to me he accuses me of not fighting for or working on our relationship.. .

As there was a time your sexdrives matched each other perfectly, something negative seems to be influencing your relationship.
Unless you two learn to openly discuss your sexual relationship and come to terms acceptable to both of you, I fear it is time to end this relationship.
Although you don't provide ages, your boyfriend being a student indicates that you have lot's of time left to find your true "knight in shining armour" with more libido than your current partner. As you two encounter such important problems this early, there seems to be no future in this relationship.
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Originally Posted by lcmbarbie07

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost exactly a year and I care about him a great deal and he treats me very well We want to get married eventually. When we first started dating he had an apt. and we had sex quite often for the first few months but around month 4 or 5 there were a few nights when I wanted to that he didnt. He had to move back home because he is trying to save money while in college until he graduates next May. Since then we almost NEVER have sex and it makes me feel undesirable and like hes not attracted to me I have tried explaining this to him several times but I feel he just isnt getting it ... maybe its my fault I do like to have sex more than most girls I know but I never thought that was a bad thing until now. for example his parents went out of town for 4 days and we have had the whole house to ourselves and we have only had sex once and I didnt even go he promised it was just a quickie for now and we would do it again later. But then every night he has been too tired but he hasnt been at work since the holidays. He has been playing computer games all day. He says he feels like thats all I want from him but thats not it at all but I do think sex is a essential part to every relationship. He wants us to move in together once we get engaged in the summer I hope that once we do things will heat back up and he promises they will ... I am feeling EXTREMELY frustrated. and I am considering ending the relationship even though I want to be with him and every time I try to explain to him how serious this is to me he accuses me of not fighting for or working on our relationship. .....

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OK your boyfriend sounds like a girl, in fact he sounds like my girl! I've got the same problem but she always turns it round and blames me! Lol if you find an answer let me know.

Oh my gosh we must be the same person or something.. because I'm having that exact problem.. this is sooo weird... even the game thing. The only difference is that I live with him so I have to see his beautiful face everyday and suffer. I've thought about breaking up the relationship also but then I think about how respectful he is as a person and that it will be very hard to find an individual like that. So its like he's AWESOME with the relationship but SCREWED UP with the sex drive.

Please let me know how things are going with you both.. and let me know if you get a valid solution or answer.

Look--for all of you.

TALK about it. Not when you just got denied. Not when your partner is in the mood and you want to stress how serious it is to you by making them hold off instead of you having to hold off, whatever. If you can't talk about sex calmly and rationally when NEITHER of you is turned on, then your relationship is already screwed anyway. Basically, if you can't TALK about sex with your partner, there's no way you're going to HAVE good sex.

That being said--you need to NOT point fingers. You need to say how you feel. You need to NOT accuse them of being stingy with sex, or unloving, or anythign else.

A LOT of things go into being in the mood, for a lot of people. Stress is a huge factor. Almost no one wants to have sex when they're stressed. Medical issues is another--did he/she just start a new medication? Especially something like an anti-depressant. Another thing that's a turn off is being HOUNDED for sex. If every single time you're together, all you want to do is have sex--well, that's more like pressure than a turn on for someone whose sex drive isn't as high.

Compromise is good. Find out what WOULD make him/her in the mood more often. Sometimes it's as simple as a clean house, or dinner OUT for a change, or getting a nap earlier in the evening while YOU do some housework, or balance the checkbook, or whatever. I'm the one with the lower sex drive in our household, and our compromise (after a LOT of talking) was that I give in to having sex 2 out of every 3 times, even if I'm not in the mood. I have the right to demand a quickie one of those 2 times. But you know--a lot of the time I'm not in the mood when we start, but I AM by the time we're really going. In return, he had to pick up more housework as "his" share of the duties and he had to make 1 in every 3 times we had sex all about me---a massage that leads into it, candles, romance, whatever.

It took a while for us both to get used to it, but now it works really well. The thing is, though, we TALKED about it when one or the other of us got frustrated with the whole thing.

Well, he could be depressed. May I ask which computer games he is playing. My guess would be either Everquest or World of Warcraft?

Well my boyfriend is playing world of warcraft, does that say something about his emotional status.. and lately he has been playing the sims

It doesn't say anything about his emotional status really. I just know that World of Warcraft is VERY addictive... as my husband used to play it and so did I and ALL of our friends. That game gets into your head and he probably isn't even listening to you when you talk to him. I had a friend that was playing Everquest and his girlfriend of 5 years broke up with him because he was paying her no attention. Just, my best bet. Try to get him away from the house and talk to him. Let him know he's getting too addictive. Do it nicely and very caring and slowly too because he will get highly defensive about it and say he's not additcted. It's like a drug, seriously. My husband made himself stop playing it and he hasn't been back in 2 years.

I still play MMOs, and so does my husband--who was addicted to the point where I *did* leave him at one point.

There are entire communities out there, online--and it's a pretty good social life, as long as you don't neglect anything in your REAL life. The thing is--it sounds like he IS neglecting somethign: YOU.

You will have to agree together on set times for him to play. Period. That will limit his addiction (and believe me, it IS addicting), and give him more time to spend with you.

If he won't do that, well... leave. Either you will find someone more willing to devote time to you, or he will wake up and realize what he's losing (my husband did).

Yeah, my husband was so addicted that he found himself leaving work early to come home and play and completely ignore me. He KNOWS in his heart that he can't start playing again... so he plays console games like Halo and Super Smash Brothers. It's so sad relationships are ended over it.

I told my husband the game or me, and he chose me!