Okay well my girlfriend and I are seriously perfect all her flaws I love she is perfectly inperfect, but she had this boyfriend who made her had sex but it was also her idea because she wanted to because she was in a realationship and wanted to experience but its not that I don't love her or care for her or want to be with here more than anything but sometimes I can be a huge pus*y and not stop think that she has had sex becfore me not that it is a race or anything, but the fect that if we have sex it won't be as meaningful or special for us both.. I mean there is nothing I would change about her but because she has had such a crap relationship before me she is afraid to go far such as hjs,bjs,eating out for 7months because she is afraid it will lead to sex and she doesn't want that. Iknow she wants to with me but doesn't because she doesn't want our relationship like her ex's and that's not why I got into this reationship is to be sexual but its fun and I want to be able to do that kind of stuff with her. I just don't know what to do..

Just my opinion, as a woman, the first time for women is frequently not special! Painful and unsatisfying is more like it. What went on with her ex is in the past. You can't bring it back, so forget it.

What I have hear from guys is that their first time was a little confusing and wrapped up in the doubt of "will I do it right?" I've also been told that it felt so good that he "saw stars."

What's really great is that you two are learning about each other sexually without penetration. Women need to learn what feels good, to her. It takes a long time, sometimes years before a woman appreciates penetration.

Does she know how you feel? Have you talked about it? Does she know that you understand about her not wanting a repeat performance of what she had with her ex? Does she know that penetration is very important to you, to feel a new connection with her?

Simoneaugie, I think you misread.

It's not that he wants penetration, it's that she won't do anything else for fear of it leading to penetration.

Honey--if you can't respect her wishes on it, then you need to NOT be dating her. Pressure sexually is a huge turn OFF for girls. Also--the fear of pregnancy is HUGE for women, way more so than for men most of the time.

What's the rush? Yeah, I know you'd like to experience all that other crap with her (and it sounds like you have experience with other girls for THAT stuff--so you can hop right off your little judgemental pedastal about her having sex before she was dating YOU), but if you like everythign ELSE about her, then it's worth waiting for. Period.

Sir, it is very hard to read your post as it is one huge sentence. Please consider using punctuation during your posts so that we can better understand you.

Anyway, I think you should respect her feelings on the matter. I guess I can see where she is coming from. In my house, all it takes is a nipple tweak and we are both naked! She will more than likely come around eventually. But if you care about her so much then you will respect the way she feels and understand her concerns. In her mind she needs time to know that you are not her crappy ex and that you truly do care about her the way she hopes. Once she figures that out, the sexual aspects will probably just fall into place.

Also, may I suggest that when they do, use protection... just a thought.

Okay I got all angels of it, but they one question I really wanted answered is do you think it will be as special when we have sex? And your right synnen she doesn't mean a lot to me and it is worth waiting because I'm not that type of guy that rushs things, I used to be when I was way immature and just hook up with what ever hot girl was a party and there is a huge story why I changed but the second I saw her I knew there was something special about her and I had to get to know her and stp what I was doing. So what I'm saying is I'm not trying to judge her or be her ex but I forgive her because its in the past and she regrets it to his day and we want that closerness together, but she is scared ill be like that and you answered that for me holly, I just need to the pieces fall as they may and everything will happen with time I just ned to not think about it.

You can't worry about it being less "meaningful" with each additional partner. That would mean my wife was the least meaningful sex I've had. Not true. Takes time for people to shake the "1st time" complex. Personally she just doesn't sound ready.

On top of that, she has emotional baggage from that previous relationship, and she wasn't ready for sex, from what you said. So you can't use the past to leverage the present... and I don't think you are trying to... you are just frustrated that the past is maybe making simpler sexual play not happen.

It'll just take time for her to trust that she's ready to try again, and maybe she won't at all. Your frustration is real and understandable, and her position is real and understandable.

So... at this point you just can't force anything. If kissing and simple petting isn't enough, if it leaves you too pent up, then you have to consider this in terms of staying in the relationship. You don't get to stay and be a victim, and you don't get to stay and make her feel bad.

You certainly should be able to speak your mind... such as telling her, without pressure, that you are sexually excited by her, you hope in time shell see you aren't her past, and her trust in you is something you can wait for... its all true and reasonable.

That was one of the best answers ever, I don't want to rush it at all and I want it to be special I guess I just got over my head by worrying about it.. but we do talk about it but she has to be comfortable I guess I'm just used to being in relationships and the going to 3rd base is a give she wasnts it I want so we do it, but she is so scred that her ex made her give bjs,hjs, wanted to do stuff to her and have sex that if he didn't get what he wanted he would cry.. (what a pussay) haha but seriously she is worth not even thinking twice to pressure her into something she isn't comfortable even though I know sh wants to from what her friend told me but she doesn't want to risk if we do all that it will ruin everything she thinks it wouldn't bring us closer, which I respect but sometimes I get horny and need that rub or fun activity, but if she doesn't want that I'm fin with simple dry humping and shirts off and kissing because kissing her alone is enough. Sometimes I need my special alone time, but after I do I'm glad we didn't force it. So thanks so much kp2171.

You have to let her take things at her own speed. If that's not fast enough for you then you are going to have to move on. Part of her problem is likely she was pressured into something she wasn't ready for before and even if she hasn't said it might have actually met the legal definition of rape.

If she is as special as you feel she is then take it easy and in time when she is ready to open up then she will.

And yes the first time with any new partner can be special... even if she was previously married and has kids.

It really isn't necessarily associated with a loss of virginity at all.

Thanks smoothy, I really appericiate it!

Once upon a time I dated a woman that was the victim of rape from someone she knew... she had a daughter as a constant reminder. But I saw something in her... eventually she saw I was interested in more than just getting into her pants... and when she was ready... woo hoo was she ever ready, like in her driveway in the middle of the afternoon with her family inside the house. HER initiation, not mine Most women are predisposed to thinking that men are after only one thing, even without a bad experience. It's a good rule of thumb in any case. Trust me when she feels ready she will let you know. There is never any reason for any respectful guy to pressure any woman into sex.

Well she isn't a victim of rape she thought she wanted it with him but after they did it she regreted it and she was crying the whole time and he didn't stop not that she didn't want it she was young and stupid but I know you can learn from it I just feel vunerable because not just sex but she doesn't want to do other sexual stuff because she is afraid it will lead to that, and not just that but I feel like sometimes I give more in this relationship even though she shows she loves me and cares but she just give me mixed emotions all because of her ex..

Like I said... if you see something special in her try to give her some time... maybe that's all she needs. But keep in mind she might be one of those that doesn't get over it. Its your call if you feel she is worth taking the chance on. Don't base her initial reluctance on that as a sign she isn't worth it. Some of the best women I ever dated were the ones most reluctant to jump in the sack at first. And by that I don't mean in bed... I mean the whole package.

If you judge women solely on their willingness to go to bed you aren't going to find the best women to spend a life with. You will miss out on getting to know all the women with high standards.

I think its wrong and unhealthy, not to respect her feelings, and make her feel as if she must meet your needs, just because YOU want sex. If you can't understand her feelings, after knowing what she has been through, then your not the one for her. So get rid of those selfish feelings of you doing more than she does, in this thing, and either accept her for what she is, or leave her alone. It's that simple, if you can't control your urges, and let them dictate your actions, toward her. She is right to take things at her own pace, and if you can't see that, then better turn your attentions elsewhere. Your projecting your own selfish needs, above hers, and that ain't fair dude! She isn't ready for what you want, so chill and let her get comfortable, or you'll be just like her ex, wanting just one thing.

Actually I am not ready for sex, yeah I would love to share that special moment with her, but not now defiantly when we are both ready. I'm just talking about like I wish we were a little physical not all the time but it kind of sucks there isn't really any but, if that's what she needs time and I know its not a race then I'm more than willing to wait because there is more to her than sexual stuff I just wanted to know what she was probably think, honestly I thought that maybe she didn't like my body..

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Originally Posted by dooboo

okay well my girlfriend and i are seriously perfect all her flaws i love she is perfectly inperfect, but she had this boyfriend who made her had sex but it was also her idea because she wanted to because she was in a realationship and wanted to expierence but its not that i dont love her or care for her or wanna be with here more than anything but sometimes i can be a huge pus*y and not stop think that she has had sex becfore me not that it is a race or anything, but the fect that if we have sex it wont be as meaningful or special for us both.. i mean there is nothing i would change about her but because she has had such a crap relationship before me she is afraid to go far such as hjs,bjs,eating out for 7months because she is afraid it will lead to sex and she doesnt want that. iknow she wants to with me but doesnt because she doesnt want our relationship like her ex's and thats not why i got into this reationship is to be sexual but its fun and i wanna be able to do that kinda stuff with her. i just dont know what to do..

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You need to give her some time
Maybe she is thinking it will end the same way as her old relationship
Because you want to start having sexual relations already

Wait until she wants too
That's the only way things will be satisfactory too



And maybe talk to her about how you are NOT her ex and you WILL never be him