hi I'm steve,
47 years old, we had been married 26 years, our 3 children have all married.
my wife cheated on me 2 years ago, and told me to find another woman.
after many tearful months, I started looking, a year later I found some one, and started to fall in love.
my X was with this man for two years, now has just dumped him to get me back.
she wants me to dump this woman and have her back.

after 26 years of love its hard to just forget someone, I would love to have her back but don't want to go through the hurt again.

however,

"A"can I trust her? And
"B" how could I hurt this woman that I have known for 13 months now and I asked her to marry me, and has no other boyfriends and wants to be married faithfully to me.

however I do love my x would love to trust her again, and I feel for this other woman and don't want to hurt her.

it would seem easy from an outsider to give advice, I just want to do the right thing.
thank you for reading,
steve.

Do what *you* want. I don't really see a right or wrong here. Don't stay with the new woman just because you're afraid of hurting her, and because she hasn't betrayed you in 13 months. Stay with her because when you ask yourself who you want to be with for the rest of your life, she's the face that comes to mind. And if it's your ex-wife's face that comes to mind, well...

I, personally, don't think I could accept back anyone who cheated on me, let alone cheated *and* dumped me, but then again I've never been married, and 26 years is a long time. Hard to just toss all that away as you well know. But you must know this woman better than anyone. Does it seem she only wants you back because you're with someone else? Or does she seem truly repentant? And *can* you still trust her? The answers to these questions will go a long way towards answering the main question.

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Originally Posted by so_good1961

hi im steve,
47 years old, we had been married 26 years, our 3 children have all married.
my wife cheated on me 2 years ago, and told me to find another woman.
after many tearful months, i started looking, a year later i found some one, and started to fall in love.
my X was with this man for two years, now has just dumped him to get me back.
she wants me to dump this woman and have her back.

after 26 years of love its hard to just forget someone, i would love to have her back but dont want to go through the hurt again.

however,

"A"can i trust her? and
"B" how could i hurt this woman that i have known for 13 months now and i asked her to marry me, and has no other boyfriends and wants to be married faithfully to me.

however i do love my x would love to trust her again, and i feel for this other woman and dont want to hurt her.

it would seem easy from an outsider to give advice, i just want to do the right thing.
thank you for reading,
steve.

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First you need to figure out why the ex wife wants the relationship back? After two years why does she want to come back? And for someone who has been unfaithful she wants you to drop your happiness to please her? Selfish I day.. did she have an epiphany? Is she having problems with this guy? Is she coming back for security? Or is she coming back because she loves and miss you? Or perhaps he dumped her?

Question: After she cheated did you ever seek marriage counseling as a couple? Or did she just give up on the relationship and said that's it find someone else, I am moving on?

I say this because even if you take your ex-wife back know that it won't be the same and you would have to seek counseling to trust her again. I personally feel she is being selfish and perhaps you are happier than she is in her new relationship, and she miss that feeling she had with you.


THink long and hard about what you have to gain by going back to the ex, as well as loose, in the end you have to make a decision. Only you can make that decision and I would suggest you have a deep talk with the ex-wife to see her sincerity, you will know... Loving someone doesn't warrant that you have to be with them. I also think you need to talk to your new woman so she knows how you feel.. Communication is key...

It is really a tough situation, and you have two options, to go back to something that is familiar to you in which logically it would seem comfortable to you because you have been with her for so long.

Or move on and be completely happy with the new woman. I know its tough, but remember you weren't the one who dishonored your marriage, and you have every right to be happy.

Take the time and make the effort to seek the one on one counseling you need right now as your torn between confusion and a lifetime of being with someone who cheated dumped you and told you to find someone else. A lot to accept, let alone overcome. Things will never be the same, and it will be a long time, with a lot of work on both sides, to get any where near the trust and comfort back. You owe it to yourself, to take your own sweet time, and decide what is best for you, and your happiness. Let the whole world wait, until you make the decision you want. Love yourself, and respect yourself, when others don't.