My mother met a wonderful man on Match.com, but has decided not to date him, because he has a fatal disease similar to Alzheimer’s or Parkinson's. I do not know the name of the disease, but he has less than 10 years to live. He is about 65, as is my mom. She says he is perfect in every other way. Over the past 2 months, they have spent a lot of time together doing fun things that really look like dates, so I decided to meet him. We had a lovely dinner together last night and he is terrific. I haven't met a match like that for my mom, probably since my Dad. My Father died when I was 6 and Mom was 26. She has been a Widow 40 years. So I went home from dinner last night crying and woke up the same. I am feeling a tremendous amount of pain thinking of my mom going through losing someone she loves again. I had no idea I had so much pain left in me surrounding losing my father, but the part of it that hurts is Mom being sad. I don't want to borrow trouble, because she is keeping him as just friends right now.

Here's my question - Would you seriously date and/or marry a person with a fatal disease if you knew you had less than 7 or 8 years before they got very sick?

Yes. If you only have so many years left and you know it your relationship with the other person is going to be that much more fulfilling and wonderful. It does not matter just how many years you spend with another person - it should be the quality of the time spent with the other person. I would very much encourage your mom to be with this wonderful man even if it is only going to be a few short years. Why should she not? I cannot think of any reason that she should not have a wonderful life with him no matter how short a time it is. She deserves happiness after waiting 40 years. Why deprive her of it. Who knows just how long he has left. Possibly she is the one he's been waiting for as well. I wish them both happiness.

Hell yes I would. In all honesty, we don't know how much time we have on Earth anyway. The reality is, (not to sound morbid), but your mom could pass away tomorrow. If she finds someone that makes her that happy... why not? You know the saying... It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

That would be hard to get into a relationship knowing that they would be gone soon. I don't think I could do it but some people may and depending on the person who knows. I think your mom is doing the right thing by keeping him as a friend.

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Originally Posted by voiceofreason

My mother met a wonderful man on Match.com, but has decided not to date him, because he has a fatal disease similar to Alzheimer’s or Parkinson's. I do not know the name of the disease, but he has less than 10 years to live. He is about 65, as is my mom. She says he is perfect in every other way. Over the past 2 months, they have spent a lot of time together doing fun things that really look like dates, so I decided to meet him. We had a lovely dinner together last night and he is terrific. I haven't met a match like that for my mom, probably since my Dad. My Father died when I was 6 and Mom was 26. She has been a Widow 40 years. So I went home from dinner last night crying and woke up the same. I am feeling a tremendous amount of pain thinking of my mom going through losing someone she loves again. I had no idea I had so much pain left in me surrounding losing my father, but the part of it that hurts is Mom being sad. I don't want to borrow trouble, because she is keeping him as just friends right now.

Here's my question - Would you seriously date and/or marry a person with a fatal disease if you knew you had less than 7 or 8 years before they got very sick?

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Yes, I would, could and did - and I married him in the Intensive Care Unit. The "joy" of our relationship (he passed away on Christmas Day) is that I knew the situation going into it (this was not someone I married and then he got sick), we both knew our time was limited and so we didn't waste one minute of our time together. A lot of times it was very, very difficult and we said "good-bye forever" more times than I can count. I eventually thought he was invincible - and I was wrong. We had good, good years together.

I didn't marry him because he needed me or I felt sorry for him or I intended to be a Saint - I married him because I loved him and that was the hand he was dealt. We talked everything out, I knew his wishes, I said I would be there until the end - and I was. No surprises in our relationship.

Right now it's incredibly, incredibly painful. But if I knew the end and had it to do all over again, would I? You bet I would!

And if this man your mother has met has serious health problems your mother keeping him at arm's length is not helpful to him. Let him find someone who loves him unconditionally and is willing to be there for the long - or short - haul. No fault of yours or your mother's - sometimes it's more than a person can handle. But let him find complete happiness if he can.

Voiceofreason , it all depends on one's opinion.
In my opinion , I would gladly date and marry a person who I want to spend my life with. I understand that it would be hard when the man leaves but the affection that your mum would have gotten within those few years would be definitely worth it.
I agree with everyone who has posted so far.

Mafiaangel180 was totally right when he said " It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. "

Most of all , let your mum decide the best for herself! Good luck! =)

I wouldn't put too much stock in the amount of time doctors are saying he has. Even when you have a potentially fatal disease, no one can give you an exact amount of time that you have left to live. Example:

-My mom had cancer, she was told she had 1 year left to live, she died 6 weeks later.
-My grandfather had cancer, he was told he had less than a month to live, he lived for another 10 years.

There are no guarantees in life, we could all be hit by a bus tomorrow and die. It's not how much time we have left that matters, it's what we do with that time.

I think that your mom should continue being friends with this man, see if things progress, and let her make the decision, after all, it's her life.

And remember, we should all live our lives as if each day is our last, because you never no when your time will come.