Ask Me Help Desk - Dating a military man?

OK so I have been talking online to this guy I went to high school with.. although at high school we never talk.. when ended up talking via the internet for a few months.. we discussed seeing each other in the near future (he is in the military and at the time he was stationed in japan) so I get a huge surprise he comes back to the states in jan. 08 and we hang out for majority of his leave(which was 26 days) he had to return to japan in feb. since he has returned we have continued talking.. phone.. internet. etc. recently he has asked me to marry him.. he will soon be stationed in Hawaii in aug. he has also asked me to leave and live with him. Now would it be rational for me to leave my current home and live with my new b/f (we do use the g/f and b/f title) overall he has been very sweet and kind to me.. and makes me feel loved. Now, am I letting my current emotion get the best of me? Or could I be true love?

Wow... that is hard. I would say... it depends on a few things.

Is the move temporary? 6 months, 1yr?
Would you be giving up a great job? Could you transfer? Could you easily find the same job in Hawaii? Are you independently rich?
Could you handle leaving your family/friends for this period? When you first move to an unknown area... depending on your personality... if you are very outgoing, it could be fun and exciting or you may feel incredibly isolated not knowing anyone and not having the ability to meet people easily.

NO! Living with him, implies all sorts of things. 1. How are you going to support yourself in HI? 2. what about sex? 3. what about the chances of pregnancy? 4. What happens if he decides he does not want to be with you any longer? 5. What if you are pregnant or worse get a STD from him? This has bad idea written all over it. IF he really loves you it is marriage or nothing and that means a life time commitment, not just for today.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jezickca87

ok so i have been talking online to this guy i went to high school with.. although at high school we never talk.. wen ended up talking via the internet for a few months.. we discussed seeing each other in the near future (he is in the military and at the time he was stationed in japan) so i get a huge surprise he comes back to the states in jan. 08 and we hang out for majority of his leave(which was 26 days) he had to return to japan in feb. since he has returned we have continued talking.. phone.. internet. etc. recently he has asked me to marry him.. he will soon be stationed in Hawaii in aug. he has also asked me to leave and live with him. now would it be rational for me to leave my current home and live with my new b/f (we do use the g/f and b/f title) overall he has been very sweet and kind to me.. and makes me feel loved. now, am i letting my current emotion get the best of me? or could i be true love?

We discussed this move as temporary.. 3-6 moths.. I would have to give up my job.. I planning to start school in the fall.. but now I donno if I'm going to do that. Independently I am not rich. My b/f says I have nothing to worry about $$ wise and he will take care of me.. I'm excited to move and see what Hawaii is like.. socially I do well, but I donno how I would do living some where completely different... BTW odd thing is that during one conversation with my b/f he said that he wouldn't like me to hang out with or converse with other guys.. then right after stating that he apologized for saying that to me.. and that I am a woman of free will and do as I please.. (now is he really controlling/insecure and trying to cover it up? ) as for the move my family is worried and scared for me moving being that I don't know him only through internet covo.. and while he was physically here during his leave.. by the way I am only 19 and he is 19..

From what you have said, and based on your ages, I would just go for a visit for a week or two. I wouldn't move there. It is really easy to hide behind a phone and/or computer your true personality flaws (ie - controlling/insecure). If you spend time with him (in person) all of his flaws will be revealed eventually. Take the time to get to know him. He will be back home before you know it.

That is a hard one. I believe he cares. And since you two went to high school together its kind of like you already know each other a bit. However 3 months and he is asking you to marry him that is pretty darn quick I must say. I wouldn't want to leave everything myself. And there are a lot of questions that will arise. But is this what you want? I think if you two really care for each other that much. You can get engaged and just hold off on the date. You can live where you are at now and go visit him often in Hawaii and make sure its something you are down to do before you do it. I wouldn't say it's a good way to meet someone online. However you have more of a chance of talking a lot more and getting to know the person better. But you don't have to decide right now. I would take it a little slower and take a few trips to Hawaii. Good Luck!

Yea I deep down I feel like we need to know each other better before I make this move, but the only way I'll get to know him is if I move with him for some period.. like I said my family is very concerned.. and I know its cause they want the best for me.. my b/f tells me he wants to be with me and he loves me very much.. but I am concerned about him "falling in love" so fast. He also... has a bit of a temper.. he has never showed or displayed it towards me.. yet I KNOW he haven't been together for very long. Although he treats me right should his temper be of concern later on? I do know that he is a bit insecure ( which he doesn't have to be.. in h/s every girl I knew wanted him) but he doesn't seem to think very highly of himself

Trust me at 19 I am 22 now don't make any huge moves cause you might kick yourself in the butt later like I am now. I'm sure he has money if he's in the military. So take a few long trips there and stay with him so you get a better idea of how things are going to be. Please get on birth control if your not especially if you are going to go visit and stay with him. After all you aren't sure how things are going to work out. And certainly don't have his kids till you know. Beware for men with tempers they may not show it to you but if living together they very well might.

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Originally Posted by topladyj

...So take a few long trips there and stay with him so you get a better idea of how things are gonna be. Please get on birth control if your not especially if you are gonna go visit and stay with him. After all you aren't sure how things are gonna work out. And certainly don't have his kids till you know. Beware for men with tempers they may not show it to you but if living together they very well might.

Very true... you don't know someone truly until you live with them. I say take a long visit. You will learn a lot! DON'T MOVE IN!

Love is not rational, a person can know a person a lot if they are both honest to each other in their talks. This is often the issues with long distance dating, at one point and time one partner will have to make a move to be with the other.

I do agree with fr_chuck however at 19 and him asking you to marry in at three months. Personally I would take it slow. Chuck is right, however if you are not sure and he does have a temper I would make a few long trips as whyohwhy has said.

Both of you are very young,and just know each other for a couple month.As a woman,I think you should take it into consideration seriously,and it would be better to ask your family and best friends for advice!they know you more,they could give you best suggestion...