I'm sending this passage with the same title again..
Well.. im sending this message just to speak up my mind -which I believe that it's a healthy habit- but like all the healthy habits we don't start considering them until we cross to the other unhealthy-side.
Simply.. I noticed that my reactions to things had changed.. I use to express myself all the time.. like I used to use the word I FEEL before every segment of speech.. and now I don't feel anything.. for example, I had an extension added to my intership -i am an intership student by the way- and it like 5months since I knew that I will had an extension and tell that day I did not cry
-will this was my old reaction to failure- and yet, I feel the same amount of anger toward to my boss the moment she told me the news-, myself diagnosis to the issue that I did't get over it tell that day..
Another issue, my lack of interest in everything I almost feel nothing toward anything and anyone, I use to view myself through movies, through my friends, and now I don't feel anything.. and yet I gained weight and enjoyed food like if it was my best friend, and one year I gained about 20 lb. and I hate it..
And to push everything to the limits, my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer.. how that reflected on me?!
I started hating the word aging, well I think about it whenever I see my father, I think about it knowing that I can't stop it nor deal with it..
I started using supplements and creams that were labeled as ANTI-AGING products.. I use them I'm the name of health and vitality, yet I know that I use them to prevent myself of aging... I hate that I can't support my father emotionally.. and because of this I feel so inadequate and worthless.
I know that this all sound like crap to you as a reader, but trust me myself esteem level is 0% while I am writing this..
I truly hate being emotional truly of everyone but I just want to regain that habit of speaking my mind.