I have been divorced for over a year and it has been a constant struggle with my ex. He lives in Florida and I live in Tennessee with our daughter. He does not think he should have to pay child suppport and hasn't and now that he is in trouble for back pay he blames me. His girlfriend harasses me and I just want it to be over so I want him to relinquish his rights. It is hard on my daughter because he never calls and never sees her. The last time he saw her was a year and a half ago. How do I go about getting him to relinguish his rights.

I am trying to do the same with my 2 boys however we live in the same state Illinois. He was ordered supervised visitation and bailed on that no call no show and is yet to be ordered child support. I can say work with a lawyer that is what I am doing. I have made it very clear to my lawyer that I want nothing to do with this person and I have made it this far and don't need him to interrupt my boys lives.

I believe in Illinois that the only way to relinquish parental rights is to either prove they are a danger to the child or have them voluntarily sign papers to relinquish their rights.

When a parent drops out of sight, it is extremely hard on the child and no matter what you may believe, the child will decide it was their fault. My own daughter went through counseling as a young child because her own dad dropped off the planet. He hasn't seen her in almost 10 years and moved on with another family. She has never even met her half-brother. She now has so much resentment toward him, but for years wondered what she had done to deserve his abandonment.

It's an awful, heartbreaking situation. I'm so sorry you're going through this and wish I had some pearls of wisdom for you. No matter what happens, make sure your children get counseling, though - you would be surprised at how much responsibility they shoulder and internalize, even though they did absolutely nothing wrong.

Relinquishing rights does not stop child support and the courts do not generally go for relinquishing rights.

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Originally Posted by f5aman

How do I go about getting him to relinguish his rights.

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You get remarried and have your new husand adopt your daughter. I know that may sound facetious, but that's about the only way you are going to get his rights terminated.

First where did you ever get the idea if he gives up his rights, he does not have to pay child support.

First you are in TN, and there the state has a obligation, so if you or the daughter collects welfare ever the state has the right to collect money from him for you. They are not going to give that up.
And even if you wanted him to and he agreed, the chances of a judge even allowing it is about NONE, but again, if the judge allowed him to give up his rights, he would still owe child support.

So why do you care if a dead beat dad, who is not paying his money is mad, GOOD, he should be madder when he is sitting in jail for not paying. So all he has to do is start paying and then he will not be getting into trouble for not paying.

I am not very experienced in this so I will not step on any toes. I just know that where I am if a parent goes 1 year with no contact the courts can remove parental rights if that is requested. I also know that here if that happens their child support obligation also ends.
Mike

Where is here? Also maybe it CAN happen, but does it? The fact is that courts are very unlikely to terminate rights and especially to release a parents obligation.

I am in Iowa. It did happen . Went to the judge and asked... ex-spouse had 30 days to respond... he didn't... he lost rights as a father... his child support and insurance obligations also stopped.
Mike

Tennessee law doesn't seem to allow for simply giving up parental rights

IN THE CHANCERY COURT OF TENNESSEE

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Originally Posted by the1unv

I am in Iowa. It did happen . Went to the judge and asked.........ex-spouse had 30 days to respond..........he didnt..........he lost rights as a father......his child support and insurance obligations also stopped.
Mike

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I suspect there was more to it than that. This link has the law in Iowa on TPR:
Iowa Statute 600A

The bottom line is that the best interests of the child need to be considered first and foremost. Therefore, a judge is not going to grant a TPR without making sure the interests of the child are covered.

There really wasn't much else to it, father lived over seas for 5 years. Never called once, no letters, no christmas gifts, birthday gifts, etc... you get the picture. Any how he had been back to the states several times, back to the same town ! Never once did he look up the kids. He was served papers and was given a chance to respond, he did not make any effert to do any thing.
I spose it helps to have a good attorney. I know each case can vary... but in this case it really was not that tuff. From the time the process started till it was over was less than a year. (10 - 11 months.)
Mike

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Originally Posted by the1unv

father lived over seas for 5 years.
Never called once, no letters, no christmas gifts, birthday gifts, ect.......
he had been back to the states several times, back to the same town ! Never once did he look up the kids.
He was served papers and was given a chance to respond, he did not make any effert to do any thing.

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All these are contributing factors and took years to why they WERE able to relinquish his rights. She can not just simply sign relinquish rights papers and it be over.

There are still other factors like the age of the child. Like the financial independence and marital status of the mother. Like the finaincial status of the father.

I also have to wonder why the mother even bothered? Effectively the father had already relinquished his rights, but action if not by legal order. So what did the mother gain by spending the time and money to get his rights terminated?

Mother gained a lot. As the kids did as well. First off it is done legally. It now makes it easier to distance the fathers family who still lives close. For instance, after not seeing or speaking to the kids in 2 years "Grandma" drunk and high on meth shows up at 8:00pm to "check" on "her sons" kids and make sure they still love their daddy. She tells them things like "just because he doesnt call you it doesnt mean he dont care"... "He doesnt like to waste money on presents but he is still thinking about you" Things like that are so hard on the kids. The phycologist said the boys would never be able to move on in their lives if they were always subject to those kind of interruptions.
I also never intended make it sound like all you had to do was sign a piece of paper, if I did I am sorry. It does take work, however, with a good attorney you may not see that work. The boys were 11 and 13 at the time, I have been in their lives for 10 years now. The boys feel more relaxed now and the doc said they don't feel guilty for loving another man as their dad. They knew their real dad had left and was gone, but, with grandma and uncles throwing their two cents in every so often they were torn between how they felt and how they were being told they should feel. It was the boys who gained the most. They are wonderful kids and should be able to sleep in peace at night. They now do.
Once again Im sorry if I didn't explain things the way I should have in the beginning.
Mike

See, again there is clearly more to the story. As the statute says the best interests of the child are paramount. So your lawyer presents a psychologist's report to the judge that says, they need to close this part of their lives to move on. The lawyer shows the irresponsible nature of the father's family. The lawyer also points out that you have provided a father figure for 10 years (did you adopt them or plan to?). The lawyer points out that the mother is financially secure. All these factors influence the judges decision.

We're not saying its impossible to get a TPR, just that its very difficult to get a judge to grant one. That they are generally only granted in cases where there is someone waiting to adopt (?) or the parent represents a danger to the children (the psycholgist's report showed that). So you had a good lawyer who did all the groundwork and got the proof the judge needed to make that decision.

The point we are trying to make is that, it's a rare thing to have a TPR granted.

Yes I adopted. I guess it just seemed easy to me... was 1 for 1 so to speak. I can clearly see looking at the big picture that it would be more difficult than not. You have opened my eyes on this subject, thank you.
Mike

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Originally Posted by the1unv

Yes I adopted. Mike

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First may I applaud you for your commitment to someone else's children by adopting them. I'm sure both you and the kids are enriched by that action.

However, I have to say you missed the point here. I can tell you that your judge didn't grant the TPR because the father had been out of his kids lives. He didn't even grant it because the grandmother made a nuisance of herself. And the psychologist's report only figured a small part of his decision.

He granted the TPR because you were standing ready to adopt! If the mother had gone to court without you waiting to adopt, she might not have gotten the TPR. So, as I said, in response to your first post, there were other factors that went into the judge's decision. Also, the reason why he was no longer responsible for support is because of the adoption. Once an adoption takes place the bio parent's responsibility ends.

Naw... ScottGem I did get the point. Like I said I didn't see all the other things involved in the judges decision until they were pointed out to me. It makes sense once you think about it. Removing one fathers rights with out having another there to take care of the children... well lets say it would be like taking a tire off you car when you don't have a spare. It would only make things worse. AND YES my sons and I are very happy, I am luckey to have found such a wonderful woman who has also given me wonderful children. I wouldn't give them up for all the gold in fort knox.
Thanks Again
Mike