I was out at a show last night, and saw my ex-girlfriend with the guy she left me for almost ten years ago. This was "the one that got away." The one I still think about every single day. The one that makes me dream of time travel so I can go back and fix all the things I messed up (I never cheated or anything like that, but I could be very withdrawn, and I slowly turned her away from me, even though I truly believe she really did love me deeply, for the first several years anyway).

Anyway, she didn't see me. I retreated in shock, watched the show in a daze, then drove home at very fast speeds, weeping uncontrollably like I haven't since the break-up.

Now, it's a day later, and I can't get her image (ten years older now, but still unmistakably her) out of my mind. I'm crying constantly -- even right now as I type this -- and just feel so worthless and tired. I can't even believe this one girl has such a hold on me TEN GODDAMN YEARS LATER.

I just don't know what to do. I don't have hardly any close friends, and the friends I do have don't even know about her, because I met them after our relationship ended, and the memories are so painful that I never bring her up. So I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone. My only real outlet is just typing, like right now.

I want to be happy, but it seems more and more that I'm just never going to get over her. I don't know what to do. I can't stand being this sad, though. It's no way to live.

“One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.”

I'm not sure who originally said that but I think it applies to your situation well. Do not let your mistakes or disappointments of your past dictate your future. Stop living in the past because what is done is done and there is nothing you can do to change it short of time travel. Get your act together and focus your energy on what you are doing and not what you should have done. You will never be able to move forward if your constantly looking behind you.

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I want to be happy, but it seems more and more that I'm just never going to get over her. I don't know what to do. I can't stand being this sad, though. It's no way to live.

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This will pass if you let it. Just go back to what you were doing before you were surprised by seeing her. Old memories and feelings were dredged back to the surface and they will take awhile to sink back where they belong. Don't dwell on it, just get busy with your life again.

Thank you both.

Ok, I guess I am looking at this differently, in 10 years you still think about them every day, have you moved on with your life ? Do you date, live with someone what?

And you ran and "hide" instead of saying hello.

This sounds fairly way over the top for 10 years, if this was 10 days, or 10 weeks, but even after 10 months you should have healing in your life by know, after 10 years you should be happy she found a good life and have had a life of your own that replaced all of those feelings.

You need to consider getting counseling to help you find yourself and move on with this.

I have an ex like this, we broke up nearly 7 years ago (cos I cheated on her) and although I don't cry uncontrollably whenever I think about her, I do wonder what life would have been like if we were still together...

The only advice I can give is just think of all the good things in your life, and think that if you had stayed with her then these things might not have been...

Hope that helps

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Originally Posted by issues

the only advice i can give is just think of all the good things in your life, and think that if you had stayed with her then these things might not have been...

hope that helps

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This is sort of THE illustration of letting something in the past control your present and your future. You must put this behind you. If you don't want to trust your friends to help you, seek a counselor for guidance in handling the pain of heartbreak.
I agree with the quoted comments about the good things in your life; but consider the things you may not be doing, shying away from, because of unresolved conflict. Every day of your life is precious and has meaning, so don't let it get away from you.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Ok, I guess I am looking at this differently, in 10 years you still think about them every day, have you moved on with your life ? do you date, live with someone what ??

And you ran and "hide" instead of saying hello.

this sounds fairly way over the top for 10 years, if this was 10 days, or 10 weeks, but even after 10 months you should have healing in your life by know, after 10 years you should be happy she found a good life and have had a life of your own that replaced all of those feelings.

You need to consider getting couseling to help you find yourself and move on with this.

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Have I moved on with my life? I don't know, I've had no contact this entire time. I've never looked through old photos or anything (although I kept them). I've never tried to find out anything about her, even though I could probably type her name into Google right now and turn up all kinds of stuff. I've developed at least one new major interest that I can think of.

On the other hand, I still live in the same house, in the same town, and have most of the same interests we both shared back then, so she tends to pop up in my thoughts a lot in my day-to-day life.

I don't really date. I'm too shy. I go out now and then, but have never had the confidence to just go right up to a girl. I've stumbled into just two relationships since her, and no, they didn't come anywhere near "replacing those feelings." I don't think I even shed a single tear over either of them when they ended.

I probably do need counseling. I don't even know where to start looking for that though. I probably need to move to a new city as well.

I don't think moving elsewhere because of losing this old flame will help.

Your physician can refer you to the right person, for any additional help you may need.