I'm 22 and my 3 yr relationship ended on February 25 of this year after I got into a pointless fight with my ex at my best friends house and led her out the door and slammed it in her face. We were off and on the whole three years, but to me the relationship was mostly positive and I still love and miss her dearly. I tried to talk to her at her apt that same night after the incident, but she just called her dad and told me to leave. So I left and then called her about an hour later. Her dad answered and told me it was over to pick up my things at her parents house. Which I did later that night. A few days later I noticed I was missing a few papers that were important to my schooling and so I called our mutual friend, but she never called me back. So with no way to contact her to get my things back I called her at work and calmly asked for my papers back and she just yelled at me and told me that her dad would call me and to not call her at work. Her dad called me that night and left a message saying to to not call her at work because she could lose her job and also mine and that the relationship was over so be a "man". The thing is I didn't want to bother her I just wanted my things back. So I rushed her parents house and spoke to her dad for about a half hour, stating that I did not wish to cause any type of harassment, just that I was unable to talk to anyone about getting my things. I also told him that I still loved her. He said he would "let her know." So about three weeks pass after this event and I'm feeling really guilty about the whole pushing her situation, so after consulting with various people, including my Mom, sister, and other close friends, I decided to send her a card in the mail. I just wanted to send a short note stating that I was sorry for mistreating her and that I hope one day she forgives me and that I will always have a place in my heart for her. There was no mention of her to get back with me or even that I was implying that. Quite the opposite really. I had some people read it just to make sure that it wouldn't seem like it was harassment or anything like that. I sent the letter and then about a week later, her best friend calls me and tells me that she got into a text message argument with my ex. I asked why and she said that my ex said she was going to put a restraning order on me because she was "bothered" by the letter. Her best friend told her that was going way too overboard and that I was just sending to letter to get some closure on the relationship. They argued back and forth on text messages and my ex kept sending them even though her best friend told her to stop. Eventually her best friend told her to give her a call when she's mature. So I'm like floored by this because I don't see how this is harassment. It certanily doesn't fit into the actual descrition of harassment. It just makes me mad, because even though my ex and I broke up I still had respect and love her. I know I shouldn't have mistreated her that night or called her at work, but sending her a letter of apology is that going too far? Is that harassment worthy? It just hurts me so much more to think that she would put me through that. My ex is very angry at me apparently and is trying to get back at me some way. She does say a lot of things that she doesn't mean and has said some really horrible things out of anger to me in past break ups with her. Does this sound like I'm a bad person?

To be honest it does seem like she was over reacting but also seems as though you have an anger issue that you need to confront. Please don't take this advice harshly. While it may seem little to you, it may be bigger to her. My advice is to simply cut off ALL ties with this girl. Trying to contact her is only going to make things worse, let it go and let her go. She made this decision, let her have things her way.

But no it doesn't make you sound like a bad person

The thing is I don't have anger issues. She was violent with me throughout the whole relationship and this time I just happen to stick up for myself. I still felt bad about though. That's why I apologized about it.

Still, while it may not be OK for a girl to be violent with a guy, all it takes is one time for the guy to get angry even if that includes slamming the door in her face. I wouldn't call that sticking up for yourself, that would be arguing back or standing your ground, not slamming a door in her face. But I'm not trying to judge you as I wasn't there to witness the event so it's best to just forget about her and the drama. You don't need it man

On another note, I love her enough to not call her or text message after the break up, which is extremely difficult to do. I was in love with her and we told each other that the day before we broke up with is very poigant. I'm not angry at her at all, however I can still miss her and feel sorry about the situation. I only sent the letter in the hopes that my heart would heal quicker, not to get in contact with to start a dialouge. Now I'm better seen as a "stalker", because of that. I just don't think that is right and I also don't think it's right that my ex stop being friends with her best friend just because she doesn't agree with her like all the people that don't know me do with my ex.

Yea, I understand what you're saying. I still get told by people at my other job that my ex makes me seem like a stalker saying "I text her all the time" but she's the one texting me and I just end the texts. Whatever makes my ex feel better, she is more than OK to tell people. I just let it roll, people are going to think what they want regardless. I was tempted to go up to my ex and politely tell her to show me these texts, but decided it wasn't worth my time nor my patience of hearing her pathetic excuses.

I just hate the fact that someone who loved for three years now "hates" me. There is nobody else that I'm aware of who I'm on bad terms with besides her. I just want harmony and peace in my life and it's hard to do when I know that she saying all these bad things about me and people in her family who once respected me now think I'm scum basically. That's a really hard pill to swollow.

Meh, its her choice to "hate" you. People will come into your world who will for some reason or another decide to hate you. The best thing you can do for yourself is just not hold any bad feelings for her back. That way you don't carry it on your conscience. You know you're the bigger person and there can be comfort in that. And BTW I once had a girl who after dumping me had all her family start telling people I know that I was "stalking" her because SHE would come into where I worked while I was working all the time and HER mom always made it a point to hunt me down and say hi. I would ignore both of them to the best of my ability and would never approach her while SHE was at MY place of business and she called me the stalker... all my friends laughed in her familys face... literally... my point is women can be seemingly insane sometimes... especially the young ones... I stopped trying to figure it all out... I think I have a better chance of grasping theoretical quantum physics..

Wow I completely agree with you! I do feel like the bigger person, mainly because even her best friend thinks she went "psycho." My friends tell me to hate her and forget about her. Like I said I don't hate her at all, I just wish that we can both one day find forgiveness in each other and learn from the relationship. It seems at this point however, that I'm the only one that will not be regretting our time together. I do miss her dearly, but I'll be the one moving on faster even though she's the one who ended for good on her terms.

You're a good guy... I can sense it. Just give it some time. Go out and try to have fun. When she is ready, she will come and talk to you. If not, at least you sent a letter. Best thing you did! There's so much out there. You just have to freshen up and go out. Take care of yourself. You can go through this and be okay. God bless you!

Thank you emopunk! I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who responded to this question. Your words have actually inspired me and have actually aided me in my progress to heal within myself. I wish the best to everyone and please keep in touch!