Hi All,

This is my first time to this site so apologies if this is the wrong forum.

My question is: My ex-wives boyfriend may be moving in with her and my three kids (10,16). I have asked her boyfriend not to physically punish my children. His answer was that all he needs is my ex-wifes consent to do so legally.

I'm not sure but I don't believe this is correct. Here are some facts...

1) We live in Santa Clara, California
2) I have 50% physical custody (They are with me every other week)
3) The boyfriend is not a legal guardian or parent
4) My Ex-wife does NOT have full custody only 50% I don't believe either of us can give consent without the others approval.

I haven't been able to find any law that supports this guys "if she gives me consent" theory but likewise I can't find any that says he would need mine as well. If you know what the law says could you send me the code or if you know the name of a good family law lawyer that I could ask that would be great.

Any ideas?

Thanks in advance!

In California I do not believe he will legally be able to. If the mother does, it sadly gives the two "adults" in the house with different abilities to punish. And can make the mom seem like the bad guy.

So I would want to know the difference between a swat and a hard spanking, one I would have no issue with, the other I would

This needs to be addressed in the child custody agreement to properly cover it. But contact children's services for your county ( or actually county where the child lives with mother) and discuss this with them, as to what they will or will not do about it.

Ok as far as spanking goes Im not sure if he has a right to or not. But here is the thing. Spanking is allowed when its not done in anger and doesn't leave marks and generally no more then 3 swats. If he leaves any kind of marks then he's going to jail even if MOM said so and NEVER back off from that. As far as the law I couldn't find anything directly about it for California.
Here is a link that might help..

California Courts: Self-Help Center

Chuck, I

Know she believes in corporal punishment to a degree as I do. It's actually spelled out in California Health and welfare code 300. Basically, discipline, on the butt within reason and it says you have to be a parent or legal guardian.

The code doesn't talk about a parent giving someone else consent, divorced parents with all or half custody etc. I couldn't find anywhere on the web that gave an actual law stating either way.

I guess child services for the county would be my best recourse. I'm sure if I get the law on my side this guy will back down.

Thanks much

I will anger many, but if he does it proper, it really is best if he is living most of his time at their house, if not, he will start to learn to play him and her against each other, and then play you against them.

If both adults raising him agree and both use the same punishment equally and properly, things work a lot better.