For some reason yet unknown to me, I don't hate him, I could have walked away the minute he told me he was married. Dating a married man was never a thought or idea that ever came to me, yet it happened. I love this man, I don't foresee him leaving his wife and I don't think they're unhappy, just that there is no sex in their marriage. He's very attractive, very in with the times and he makes me happy.
I don't see myself breaking up the relationship as I am truly in love with him. We've done two trips together out of our state and it's been a dream come true.
I love him, he says he loves me and will not leave her. I don't know if down the road it'll be too painful for me, we've been together 7 months and see each other about 3 times a week.

He lied by not telling you he is married so what makes you think it would stop him from lying that there is no sex in their marriage? Short of you seeing there is no sex in their marriage or the wife telling you there is no sex in the marriage you can only take a proven liars word for there being no sex in the marriage.
Why do you WANT to be in a relationship that there is NO future in and it can only lead to the pain you do not want?
Walk away and find somebody that you can be happier with cause they don't have any strings attached.

Sweetheart you need to loose your feelings for this guy, all he is doing is using you for sex cause he can get everything else he needs at home, so he will one day forget about you and move on to another one, plus he lied to you about the whole marriage deal so that should be enough for you there!!

You can't control your feelings. I'll grant you that. You love whom you love, sad truth.

You CAN control your body. That's completely governed by your mind. Getting naked and doing the "bumps" with someone takes a LOT of mental effort. It's not your heart then, it's all YOU. So you're not a victim of your heart in this, OK?

You have decided that sex alone is fine. Ok, so what now? So you talk, and he tells you things, and you believe them... heaven knows why? Oh yeah, I know why, believing what he says makes it OK that you've given away your future family for the backseat jungledance with this guy.

What an AWESOME life that will be. No kids, no commitments, no Christmas's with the huge extended family... what a relief. And think of all the alone time you get without having to beg for it while he's off spending quality time on holidays with his real family.

Great, love it. This is how you choose to spend the next 40 years, can't wait to see the photo albums.

Sarcasm aside (Hard for me, I know), I guess I'm hoping your spirit somewhere down in there actually has some pride and some life expectations... and maybe will poke its head up sometime and try to get you back onto a path that builds character and a family of your own. No loving person can actually be OK with being the "other woman" indefinitely. They just can't.

Let your loving person back out, they can do a better job getting you away from this guy than we can.

Poor thing, he deliberately hooked you,before you knew the truth,cause that's what seaoned cheaters do, so if your okay being a sideshow for a married guy, who am I to tell you different. You would rather believe his lies,and keep traveling, and do the wild thang any way. That may be your idea of love, but not mine. The word stupid comes to mind.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sundayafternoon

For some reason yet unknown to me, I don't hate him, I could have walked away the minute he told me he was married. Dating a married man was never a thought or idea that ever came to me, yet it happened. I love this man, I don't foresee him leaving his wife and I don't think they're unhappy, just that there is no sex in their marriage. He's very attractive, very in with the times and he makes me happy.
I don't see myself breaking up the relationship as I am truly in love with him. We've done two trips together out of our state and it's been a dream come true.
I love him, he says he loves me and will not leave her. I don't know if down the road it'll be too painful for me, we've been together 7 months and see each other about 3 times a week.

---

I didn't see a question here... just statements about what's happening... if it's advice you are seeking, I think you already know the answer. He's told you he's married and will not leave his wife for you - so what is your question?

So... are you willing to spend your life alone?
If the answer is yes than stay with this loser.

Is it in your heart that you'd someday like to be married and maybe have children?
If the answer is yes - you aren't going to find what you are looking for in the situation you're in and it's time to move on (it was time when he told you he was married)

Now... MY question is - if he's cheating on his wife with you... how could you possibly think that even if he would leave his wife for you that he'd be faithful to you?

Pain is inevitable down this path you are walking.

I thank you for your input. I guess I don't even understand myself, I have to say again that I never thought to be in my shoes today, I am a happy go lucky type of person. I have looked at past relationships with men I've dated and the qualities my MM has I have not found before, as ironic as it sounds.
I am in a rollercoaster about this relationship many times, it is what it is and I know this, I even told my mother which is not something I'd share with her. I guess I am living the moment, my friends tell me we'll be here when you cry too.
I've broken up with him a few times, but it doesn't last more than 24 hours. Aside from all the negativity of our relationship, we're great together, we have fun in our times.
Don't know if this helps me if I mention this: I've paid for my trips when I've flown with him and I take care of my bills, there is no support financially from his end to me and I don't pretend it neither.
Do you guys get me?

Quote:

---

Do you guys get me?

---

I get you. You're a prime piece with money, and you go for his lies, and have great fun. Sure I get it. The real question is Do you get it? Obviously not. Much Luck.

He's having his cake and eating it too, as the saying goes! Do you honestly think that even if you DID win him over that he wouldn't turn around and cheat on you too? (or maybe he already is) Gimme a break! How dare you be a party to his breaking his marriage vows! I suppose he has children too! Do you think you could look into their innocent eyes and say, well your daddy and I were having so much fun and it made ME feel good!

You already KNOW that he's a liar and a cheater, and quite obviously has no morals. Sign me up! What a wonderful resume that is!

It's just my opinion, but nothing I said wasn't the absolute truth and you know it!

I guess if I try to explain myself further, I mess things up more.
I do take your input, I wish there was some empathy, I'm as mortified as those opposing the relationship.
It's been two days now since I'm keeping my distance from him, he's called and I have not answered, he texted me. I have spoken to him briefly and reply to one text.
I feel that if I break up things on my terms, then it'll be easier.
I feel bad though for acting this way and no letting him know what's up, although you'll say he does not feel bad that he sees me and we don't have a future together.
I will keep writing here as a vent.
Thanks all.

Have you thought about any ways to build yourself esteem? This guy is using you for his sex toy, and isn't paying anything!

It seems that you deserve a lot more as far as having someone who wants to be with you at all times, not just when they need to have their ego massaged or stick polished.

Do you feel less threatened by him, in that you don't have to worry about someone leaving you or dumping you in a relationship... because if there really isn't a relationship, then you don't have to worry that it will end... or make any longterm commitments?

Tough love is hard to take.

You are mortified that people oppose a relationship with a married man who lied to you?

Why? Because its you in it and not someone else in the mess? Everybody tries to to play the "you just dont get me or my relationship" angle... they might mention "soul mates"... they say nobody else understands because nobody else agrees. We just don't "get it"... I disagree.

I've loved a couple of women I couldn't be with. They weren't married. Just bad timing. A bad situation. I had to walk away. In one case I ran. It sucked. Was no fun. But its what I needed to do to get into a healthy relationship. And a great connection based on lies to a married man might not fit in that category of healthy.

You aren't going to explain your way into a better position here. You are choosing to be with a married man. You don't have to complicate it any more than that.

It isn't.

It sucks to be you. I believe you were manipulated. I believe you love the man. I think that you love a man that manipulated you sucks. But here we are.

Time to suck it up and decide. You get to be the woman having an affair with a married man if you stay. Nothing more. At some point, these things usually blow apart. If you want to wait around and see if he's willing to choose you after he has lied to his wife and desecrated his vows, fine.

But you don't get to say "poor put upon me"... you choose where you are. He manipulated you in one of the worst ways. You choose to stay. Maybe it's the comfort. Maybe you are scared to be alone. But you choose this. You don't get to choose to be a victim any longer. You aren't. But you know that.

And if he lied to you to get you, why wouldn't he lie to you to keep you? If the vows of marriage didn't keep him straight, what's going to work next time he is attracted to a woman who doesn't know any better?

Bad marriages happen. Sometimes people should get out. But this guy is being selfish and cowardly in so many ways. And you are now right there with him.

Getting over a big love hurts like hell. Let yourself be mad. Mad at him and mad at you for staying.

You get the respect you demand, and sometimes not even that.

I'm glad you posted. You are struggling with this, as you should be. And if you were content, you wouldn't have posted. That's a good start.

But we in the peanut gallery know when someone has their head up their arse, its hard to see clearly. Most don't use soft gloves. It isn't about hating you, its about hating your actions and what you are doing to yourself by staying in a relationship that isn't likely sustainable.

Something has to give. Not sure its him. So now its up to you.

Sucks to be you, I know. You didn't plan this, but here you are. What next?

Quote:

---

it isn't about hating you, its about hating your actions

---

That's a big difference and thanks for pointing that out.

Hello Sunday,
Listen I have been where you are and I do understand how one can get into this mess.
You and only you can make the decision that is right for you, but one day you will realize that you are always alone and living for the moments that he can spend with you.
It is hard to break up, as those of us who have a relationship with a married man or a loser of any kind are probably people with somewhat low self esteem due to past relationships and of course we hope we can change his way of thinking. We wait because the moment when he will leave his wife may just be around the corner. Admit it you have had those thoughts.
Again to make a long story short. No one can tell you what to do. While you are with him
You might miss the real person that is meant for you.
I wish you good luck and strength.