I don't like it when my girlfriend dances with other guys when she goes out, and I tell her that it makes me feel uncomfortable. She wants to compromise on this issue but I don't see how it's possible... I just don't like it. Am I wrong to tell her that it makes me feel uncomfortable and I don't want her doing it? And am I being possessive?

Well, one question...

When the two of you go out, do you dance with her?

I can't dance if my life depended on it. If growing up in a Spanish household dancing is mandatory. My wife knows how do dance due to that fact. Dancing is something that I think is intimate and along has I been with her she hasn't dance with any man but her father. If she ever gets the urge to dance, I'll get up and embarrass myself.

Are you possessive for not wanting someone you with dance with someone else? No.
But if she wants to dance you have to get on the dance floor and let her dance circles around you. Now, if she chooses to dance was someone else because you are a bad dance that is a different issue.

"I really, really like this girl and she loves to dance. I don't like to dance, so I don't dance. I really, really like her, but I don't want her to dance with other guys. I know she loves it and it means a lot to her, but I don't care, I'm uncomfortable with it and want to know how I can get the girl I really, really like to not do the things she likes because I want her to stop. Just because.

"But I really, really like her."

Are you catching my sarcasm here? It takes a lot of gall to do what you're doing here. It's perfectly fine for you to feel unconfortable that she dances with other guys. It's really not OK to stifle the joys of people you love just because you don't share them.

In fact, it's borders on mean. Feel uncomfortable... even tell her if you must, but don't you dare stifle her joy. Keep your mouth shut and learn to get over your discomfort, or learn to dance.

You don't do this to people you supposedly love. You add to their joy, you don't squelch it.

There is nothing to compromise here. Its your jealousy, and insecurity, that's the problem. Its not like she is giving out free lap dances, so why visit your own problem on her, and make her stop doing something she loves. Of course you could learn to dance yourself, and go out with her. Then you would be sharing in something she loves, but you would rather be unreasonable, and controlling with your jealousy, and insecurity. Thats the issues you need to address, not her going out dancing. I bet your attitude pushes her away, before she decides to get another more understanding partner.

I don't like it when my girlfriend dances with other guys when she goes out, and I tell her that it makes me feel uncomfortable. When we both go out I will always dance to every song with her as I like to dance too and she never dances with other guys when I go out with her. I try to go out with her every time the opportunity comes up because I want her to have fun and I like to go dancing with her. But there are times that I can't go out as I am working or something is going on. These times that she goes out with out me is when she wants to dance with other guys to have fun. I tell her I don't feel comfortable with it and that I want her to just dance with her lady friends when she is there with out me as I see dancing as kind of intimate. She wants to compromise on this issue but I don't see how it's possible... I just don't like it. Am I wrong to tell her that it makes me feel uncomfortable and I don't want her doing it? Am I being possessive or controlling? And is it possible to compromise on this issue?

The way girls dance these days... I wouldn't want my girl dancing with any guys... I don't think that's possessive, it's a reasonable thing to ask and she should respect your feelings. I don't think its too much to ask your girlfriend not to dance with other guys. If she respects or loves you at all she won't.

I normally don't answer these types of questions... I like the movie section... anyway... I don't think you are wrong in the way you feel... dancing can lead to touching... touching can lead to bigger things... bigger things can lead to feeling emotions for someone else. You know how it works. Especially if there is alcohol involved!

Well, by southerngalps logic, she shouldn't talk to guys either, because talking can lead to ___ can lead to ____, etc.

Bottom line is that what this comes down to is how much you can trust her. Some people don't consider kissing cheating, and some do. Everyone has their own boundaries and comfort levels. I definitely don't think you should tell her no dancing because it could lead to something else... that just displays a lack of trust for her. And if you can't trust someone, you really shouldn't be in a relationship with that person.

She probably dances because she enjoys dancing. You probably have hobbies you engage in because you enjoy them, that don't involve her. Most healthy couples continue to talk to members of the opposite sex, look at members of the opposite sex, and maybe even flirt with members of the opposite sex, even though they're attached...

That being said, there is always room for compromise. If she feels that dancing w/ men is something she doesn't have much problem giving up for your sake, she can do it. However, it's not a good idea to talk her into giving up something she really wants to do anyway, because that just breeds the type of resentment that undermines relationships...

I don't think its because he doesn't trust her, he just doesn't want his girl bumping and grinding all over some guy... that would make any boyfriend uncomfortable. I let my ex go to a dance with one of her guy friends, I trusted her, and this was 8 or 9 months before she broke it off with me... all I said was that I didn't want his hands all over her and that I don't want to hear from her friends that she was dancing promiscuously. Nothing happened... all good.

Personally I would back off and not make this a big deal. I'm positive that if you push her to stop dancing with other guys she will leave you fast. Trust is key here. Just trust her that she will not take things too far.

OK, here's my original response to your original question adjusted for your adjustment... since the point I was making isn't affected by your addition that you like to dance, too. So, here you go:

----snip----
"I really, really like this girl and she loves to dance. I like to dance, but I don't go out dancing as often as she does. I really, really like her, but I don't want her to dance with other guys. I know she loves dancing and it means a lot to her, but I'm uncomfortable with it and want to know how I can get the girl I really, really like to not do the things she likes when I'm not with her, because I want her to stop. Just because.

"But I really, really like her."

Note the sarcasm here? It's perfectly fine for you to feel unconfortable that she dances with other guys. It's really not OK to stifle the joys of people you love just because you're uncomfortable.

If you're not careful, your discomfort WILL turn to obssessive behavior and only YOU can keep that from happening. If you feel uncomfortable then tell her if you must, but don't you dare stifle her joy. Keep your mouth shut and learn to get over your discomfort, or get out with her more. Those are your loving options.

With people you supposedly love, you add to their joy, you don't squelch it. So even if you tell her, keep the guilt card put away. Your discomfort is not her problem.

Maybe you two aren't as compatible as you need, and you should be considering lightening up the relationship. That's fairer than telling her she has to ease your discomfort by only dancing with you.

As always, just my "we all need to be fair" opinion.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

that would make any boyfriend uncomfortable.

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No, no I can tell you it wouldn't. Like I said, everyone has there own comfort levels. But to an extent, to maintain a relationship sometimes you have to monitor and compromise your own, instead of expecting your own to rule the relationship.

The funny part is, she is willing to compromise, and he isn't. Taking bets on how long this lasts.

Sorry talaniman... didn't finish... when he's not there? I understand the whole "insecurity" thing... but why make it a point to dance with other guys? You can also dance by yourself, as I do a lot... or dance with your girlfriends.

I am sorry everyone, I just can't see even making a big deal of this.

Quote:

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She wants to compromise on this issue but I don't see how it's possible..

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What more could you want?? Let's be real, relationships are about compromise, not control.

"You can pick your friends but you can pick your friends nose." My fifth grade math teacher use to say. At the time everyone in class what like that stupid.. and just laugh we he said it. I never really understood this until became older. To me it meant you can choose who your friends, but you can't make choices for them.

Here is the issue you met someone, on her free time likes getting her dance on, she likes going to the clubs and dancing. There are times she dances with other people because you weren't able or didn't want to go to this dancefest. Now, you rather her not do this. There is not right or wrong position in this. She is not wrong for wanted to dance and you are not wrong for not wanted her to go. To save the relationship your have to reach a compromise.

Does this make you Possessive? Depends on how your approach her. If you think that your have the right to deny her because she is your girlfriend then the answer is yes. You don't own her and she can make whether choices she wants.

You choose a girlfriend/wife based on the decisions she makes. For example: When I was single , one of the things I didn't want was a woman that loved the club life. The women that did visit the club on a regular basis was weeded out of my circle. In no way would I date the club hopper and then try to conform her. The same holds true with someone who drinks, and smokes.

Don't pick her nose, pick a friend that doesn't have buggers... I hope that makes sense.

I don't really think it's this black and white. In my opinion, I would say it's cool if she dances classy with other guys. Tango, salsa, ballroom dancing, or just regular dancing. But if she's grinding on their thigh and getting all slutty, that's another story. And quite honestly, I don't think slow dancing is appropriate.