Nightmares make me fear sleep? Why is this happening to me?
Hello, I'm a 41 year old female, that was diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder, Rapid Cycling, 5 years ago. Since then I have been in and out of the "loony bin" (LOL) for medication adjustments. I have educated myself about my condition, and I know when what to look out for and when its time to seek help. Since I have super support from my family, I am very well looked after Since my diagnosis, I also saw a therapist weekly, until we moved last Aug.
My therapist always helped me work through bad dreams, which it usually turned out, were related to things going on in my life. However, for the past three months, I have been suffering nightmares so severe that I fear sleep. My whole sleep cycle is out of whack. I stay up as long as I can, usually 5-6 am, then crash for a few hours of very disturbed sleep.
At the moment I am still taking all my medications as prescribed and am under the care of a psychiatirist. He is telling me that all is well, after running blood work. As you may know, one of the symptoms of bi-polar is for a patient to not require much sleep. But this is very different. My medications, designed to help me sleep, do make me very tired. But I fight sleep for as long as I can, due to the nightmares.
All of the nightmares are related to major doom, global disaster, mass death. Many of them contain images of Egyptian tombs and I can often see hyrogliphics, which I do not understand. I feel tremendous fear and am always trying to save those that I love and those around us. The dreams have become more vivid and detailed as well. Each dream repeats itself in a cycle. (My husband discovered this, as I talk to him about them)
Since I do seem to have some psychic abilities, nothing to make a living off with, I now feel even more anxious. However, having been raised as a Jehovah's Witness, now shunned by my family, I wonder if their constant teachings of impending Armageddon, are coming through. Due to having spend my childhood with this fear. Could it be some subconscious childhood issues coming through? Or is this simply part of a bi-polar high? Or am I foreseeing what is about to happen?
Be all that as it may, I now truly fear sleep. (I do sleep with a CPAP machine, so it's not sleep apnea) My medications seem to be working quite well, and I have room to adjust the doses I take for sleep. But I truly fear deep sleep, due to the visions in my dream.