My younger brother was killed 2 days ago. He just turned 20. I feel like its my fault because I was so busy with my life that I didn't take the time to be his big brother. If so, he wouldn't of had to walk home at night and get gunned down. He could have called me and I would have came for him. He didn't even have my number or know where I lived at. I'm never going to get over the guilt I feel. Now he's all alone and I'm still living. My mind know I have to keep living because he would want that, but my heart doesn't want him to be alone anymore. If I was to kill myself, he would have someone with him and that's what I want. I need to be with him. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for him and now he's gone. I need to tell him I'm sorry and for him to forgive me inorder to move forward, but the only way for this to happen is to go where he's at. I don't know what to do. I need help

It is not your fault. People get caught up in their everyday lives and things happen but it is not your fault. People often blame themselves when it is not at all there fault and no matter what they did or didn't do would not have changed anything.
If you had gone to pick him up maybe it would have happened before you got there.
I for one believe that just as you have a time appointed to be born you have an appointed time for the other as well.
His spirit is with you and he knows your heart, he knows you are not to blame at all.
When you feel this way just tell him he does hear you. He is in another dimension and is aware.
He wouldn't want you to feel this way.

I'm soooo sorry about your brother sweetheart! :(

First of all, this is very fresh right now so you NEED to give yourself a break and some time to grieve through this horrible situation that you have been forced to deal with. I really feel for you! Do you have other family around that you can talk to? If not, you NEED to find someone you can!

Your brother is not "alone" honey, and he KNOWS and forgives you for not being around so much. Talk to him right now... he will hear you! He may not be there in the physical sense, but he is hearing you and watching out for YOU now. He doesn't want you to come and be with him right now, trust me k? He is routing for you and he knows that you are hurting and trust him to help you through it. He may even give you little signs to show you he's there... watch for them! Could be something as simple as a light flickering, a bird sitting on your window sill, or just something that you could have sworn was in one place that is all of a sudden moved to another! Those will be his signs of telling you it's okay and he doesn't blame you for anything. He loves you because you are his brother and always will be!

If you ever need to talk, you can always send me a private message and I'll listen as long as you need at anytime at all OK?

Take care of yourself and give yourself some time.
Big Hugs!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by raykia06

my younger brother was killed 2 days ago. He just turned 20. i feel like its my fault because i was so busy with my life that i didnt take the time to be his big brother. if so, he wouldnt of had to walk home at night and get gunned down. he could have called me and i would have came for him. he didnt even have my number or know where i lived at. im never going to get over the guilt i feel. now he's all alone and im still living. my mind know i have to keep living because he would want that, but my heart doesnt want him to be alone anymore. If i was to kill myself, he would have someone with him and thats what i want. i need to be with him. im so sorry i wasnt there for him and now hes gone. i need to tell him im sorry and for him to forgive me inorder to move forward, but the only way for this to happen is to go where he's at. i dont know what to do. i need help

---

Hi Raykia,

You've been in my thoughts all day, and just thought I would check up to see how you're doing?! I know it's got to be terribly rough on you! When you get a chance, let us know how things are going for you OK? I know there are a lot of people here that are willing to listen and give all the help and 'shoulders' we can!

In the meantime, Take care and God Bless!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by raykia06

my younger brother was killed 2 days ago. He just turned 20. i feel like its my fault because i was so busy with my life that i didnt take the time to be his big brother. if so, he wouldnt of had to walk home at night and get gunned down. he could have called me and i would have came for him. he didnt even have my number or know where i lived at. im never going to get over the guilt i feel. now he's all alone and im still living. my mind know i have to keep living because he would want that, but my heart doesnt want him to be alone anymore. If i was to kill myself, he would have someone with him and thats what i want. i need to be with him. im so sorry i wasnt there for him and now hes gone. i need to tell him im sorry and for him to forgive me inorder to move forward, but the only way for this to happen is to go where he's at. i dont know what to do. i need help

---

I am sorry for your loss.

It isn't your fault, the same way a person who dies while surrounded by loved ones cannot take the blame.
I agree with N0help4u, everything has its appointed time,birth,death,loss and gain.

Death is a reality but then it hits us that much harder when the death is a violent and sudden one.
But know that your brother is free from this cruel world and you need to find it in your heart to live,but that will take time and you need to let it run its course without taking your own life.Find friends and family who can grieve with you.

I hope you find a good cause you can spend your time with,maybe a support group for people who have lost loved ones to violence or a cause your brother would have thought was special.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by firmbeliever

I am sorry for your loss.

It isnt your fault, the same way a person who dies while surrounded by loved ones cannot take the blame.
I agree with N0help4u, everything has its appointed time,birth,death,loss and gain.

Death is a reality but then it hits us that much harder when the death is a violent and sudden one.
But know that your brother is free from this cruel world and you need to find it in your heart to live,but that will take time and you need to let it run its course without taking your own life.Find friends and family who can grieve with you.

I hope you find a good cause you can spend your time with,maybe a support group for people who have lost loved ones to violence or a cause your brother would have thought was special.

---

Yes, it would be such a GREAT thing if something that helps other people would happen to come out of such horrible circumstances! I'm sure 'brother' would be very proud of something like that!

This is a cruel world we live in and unfortunately none of us are exempt from the suffering and pain that goes along with it. Eccl 9:11 says that "unforseen occurance befalls us all" so it doesn't matter how rich or smart or strong we are, anything can happen, and we don't know when.

If you were in your brothers' shoes would you want him to suffer torture inside for something that could have been? As imperfect people we all tend to find the bad in a situation, but it is strengthening to know that soon God will reverse our condition back to perfection on a paradise earth.

According to our creator through Eccl 9:5, those that die, no longer feel pain or hate or love because it is as if a flame has been blown out. Where does the flame go? It no longer serves a purpose, just like a person who dies. Jesus likens them to being in a deep sleep, and as he promises at John 5:28,29 he will call all those in the graves and they will come out.

Another comforting scripture is Psalms 146:4 which states "When a man dies, his thoughts do perish." This is proof that your brother is not holding any sort of grudge or bad feelings toward you.

You said your brother was gunned down. God promises at Psalms 37:10 that in "just a little while longer the wicked one will be no more." He will seek justice on all mankind including your brother.

My good friend who is 75 just lost her daughter-in-law and granddaughter in a car accident and for a while she felt partly responsible as they were on their way to her house when the accident happened. She had a special bond with wee Emma (18 mths) and it truelly broke my heart to know she was so upset, but what keeps her going is knowing that she will see them again and that they're not suffering in any way and she also realises that there really was nothing she could have done to change this "unforseen occurance" from happening.

But you need to grieve as it can be a long process. Maybe openly talk to a family member or close friend who can physically give you their shoulder.

You'll be in my prayers.

Forget being guilty, its not your fault. Instead think of how you feel right now, that is the way you will make everyone else feel if you killed yourself. All of your friends, family, girlfriend, everyone that knows you would feel the same way you feel.

Instead of doing something like that, go out and do all the things that you think he would have wanted to do. Fulfill all of his wishes, and where ever he is he will see, and be happy that he could be with you at those moments and that you did all of that for him.

He loved you and would never want to see you hurting or beating yourself up. Live the life you would have wanted him to live.

If I were in similar circumstances with a similar reaction, I think professional grief counseling might be helpful to me.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by raykia06

my younger brother was killed 2 days ago. He just turned 20. i feel like its my fault because i was so busy with my life that i didnt take the time to be his big brother. if so, he wouldnt of had to walk home at night and get gunned down. he could have called me and i would have came for him. he didnt even have my number or know where i lived at. im never going to get over the guilt i feel. now he's all alone and im still living. my mind know i have to keep living because he would want that, but my heart doesnt want him to be alone anymore. If i was to kill myself, he would have someone with him and thats what i want. i need to be with him. im so sorry i wasnt there for him and now hes gone. i need to tell him im sorry and for him to forgive me inorder to move forward, but the only way for this to happen is to go where he's at. i dont know what to do. i need help

---

He is not alone. Of that much, you can be sure. There is a heavenly place where the young victims go - no matter which god you believe in. He will be in peace and love. You are the one left with the pain, the ache, the guilt. The best way to honor him is to cry until you can't anymore. Then you look around for who you can help. If I were killed I would want those who love me to help others - because it would mean the best of my spirit lived on.

Many hugs to you...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by raykia06

my younger brother was killed 2 days ago. He just turned 20. i feel like its my fault because i was so busy with my life that i didnt take the time to be his big brother. if so, he wouldnt of had to walk home at night and get gunned down. he could have called me and i would have came for him. he didnt even have my number or know where i lived at. im never going to get over the guilt i feel. now he's all alone and im still living. my mind know i have to keep living because he would want that, but my heart doesnt want him to be alone anymore. If i was to kill myself, he would have someone with him and thats what i want. i need to be with him. im so sorry i wasnt there for him and now hes gone. i need to tell him im sorry and for him to forgive me inorder to move forward, but the only way for this to happen is to go where he's at. i dont know what to do. i need help

---

My boyfriend commit suicide a little over a month ago and I had broke up with him day before. I carry so much guilt. I want the same thing, I want to be with him all the time, just to see him and be with him, but that would be selfish of me.

Your brother is not alone and you will be with him again one day. You should not blame yourself for his death because it is not your fault.

If you want to tell him you are sorry, all you have to do is talk to him and he can hear you. He is with you. Always.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Hi.. I know how you feel.. Really.. I do.. Because my big brother died... 4 years ago.. Wow.. its been 4 years already.. Anyway.. We weren't close for the longest time.. I mean, I hated him my whole childhood because he beat me up and just wanted me away from him. He never wanted to be around me.. And then when he needed help, I didn't want to be around him.. Because I was being stupid and an . But, I got over that.. And then we got close right before he went to jail.. And I thought we were good to go.. I was moving to Tampa and he was staying here when he got out of jail.. And no one else in my family really gave a crap about any of the stuff either one of us were going through at the time... So we were pretty much all we had. He had a wife and kids.. but they weren't able to help him with the things I could.. mentally.. You know? Anyway.. The last time I seen my brother alive, I dropped him off at the jail and he went inside to turn himself in.. And we cried like babies and told each other how much we loved each other and the entire time he was in jail we wrote each other and I still have all the letters.. Anyway, when he went in, the first time I talked to him on the phone, I told him that I would go to the jail to see him, with no intentions of going, because I didn't like to go to the jail.. I just said that to get him off my back about it.. I didn't realize how lonely he was in there.. and how much seeing a familiar face would have helped.. so I figured, he'll only be in there for four months, then I'll be able to hang out with him.. I din't need to go see him in jail. No big deal.. anyway.. he gets out.. I couldn't get in contact with him, every time I called, he had just left.. no matter where I called.. it was always the case.. so I said I would just come back home for the weekend... so I can see him.. I didn't have to wait till the weekend.. because 4 days after he got out of jail, he was dead.. and I often blame myself.. still.. 4 years later.. that I ddn't go see him, and that if I were home, I could have helped him. And that I shouldn't have lied to him, and I have that guilt. Even though I know he forgives me... I don't.. and ou don't need to die to be with your brother.. because he will come to you in your dreams, on the radio, you know when you hear something, and he pops in your head? And you're like 'oh that sounds like something he would like, or he would have said' or whatever makes him pop in your head,. he's doing that.. because he's thinking about you.. because he loves you.. no matter what.. and he's in heaven, and he's already forgotten all the bad.. and forgiveness is an automatic.. he's in a better place now.. and he doesn't have to deal with the everyday BS anymore.. and he doesn't have to hurt anymore.. And that's got to be what gets you through this.. I isn't even sure how old this post is.. or if you're even alive anymore... but if you are... just know you're not alone.. we all F up.. and... F'd up things happen.. But you have to keep your head up.. Killing yourself is just being selfish, because whether you believe it or not, there's someone out there that absolutely would die inside if you weren't around.. and you can't be so selfish to take that away from them..