I Have A Husband And Two Kids. I Don't Know If I Love Them Or Myself For That Matter. I Don't Wan't To Live Any More. I Know They Will Be Hurt. How Do I Tell Them It's Nothing That They Did, I've Been Feeling This Way For Years. The Meds Don't Seem To Help Any More. If You Could Help Me Find Answers Tonight That Would Be Great.

Nandert, you are suffering from depression. Depression can interfere with normal functioning, and frequently causes problems with work, social and family adjustment. It causes pain and suffering not only to those who have a disorder, but also to those who care about them. Serious depression can destroy family life as well as the life of the depressed person. You need to seek proper treatment, please go see a psychologist or counselor.

If you are feeling this way, you need to change your meds talk to your doctor. I can tell you that no matter how you try to tell them what you are thinking of will leave an ever lasting effect on your family. There is nothing you can do to soften the blow, call some one talk to some one, and sign yourself in some where. I lost a young boy off my bus run he hung himself, his family was devastated, this child 16 I had driven since kindergarten, I to this day can not bare to drive the area around his home, I see him every where even with him gone, he had became my friend.

http://bulletin.gmnews.com/News/2003..._page/032.html

http://examiner.gmnews.com/news/2005..._page/007.html


Please read the links above, my daughter too felt this way, she sought help and by her courage only, I can see her smell her touch her and love her, seek help, for they need you more than you know,

you do love them, it's just hard to see through the fog / angry with yourself for feeling terrible all the time / guilty because you feel your not a good enough wife or nurturing enough mother / feel sorry for your children because you're their mother/ hopeless because there is sooo much responsibility and so little energy to take care of it all - I could keep going and going... know what I mean??
I live everyday with a mental illness. Some days are great, some days are good, some days are bad and some days are worse.
But like all fog, this too will clear.
Meds can only help the chemicals of the responsive part of your brain.
Try waking up the happy part of your brain. You MUST stimulate this part of your brain manually to enable your meds to work properly. BELIEVE ME THIS WORKS!! This exercise is very hard to get started (especially when you have tears streaming down your face) but you MUST force yourself to do it... now, with a smile on your face, start laughing... thats right, give me a fake ha ha... do it out loud, ha ha ha ha ha ha, now put a he he with your ha ha... lets try it, ha ha ha he he. Keep doing this until you are really laughing.
You may think this is stupid right now, and that's OK... you may not even be able to make yourself do the exercise, but know this... The part of your brain that slows your metabolism, puts you to sleep, and tells you when your sad and mad is working in over-time right now and it's time to let it rest.
I wake up every morning and do the laughing exercise along with taking my meds everyday at the same time each day. It really helps. As with every illness, nothing is fool proof - you just have to keep in mind that you will feel good again.
What is your life like? Your children? Do you have a supportive husband?
-Kae