Hello,

I've been married for 20 years, daughters ages 20 and 18. Up until 3 years ago, I had my own business but moved so my husband could have more opportunities. I was perfectly fine with the move. It's weird how it happened, but I now work full time for my husband as his assistant. I was forced to give up my company and volunteer work, as I "needed to focus 100% on the family and his job had the better chances of success." My children always understood my volunteer work as it had mostly to do with them; PTA, etc. I have felt for 3 years as if I no longer have anything left of me. I'm afraid to leave a man that is no longer even a resemblance of the person I married, as I will be the one left without an income.

I've not been perfect, I've told lies about finances to keep him happy as it's easier to hide things than to give him the details, you see either way I lose. His temper is on the verge of evil, pounding his fist and throwing things for the smallest of offenses like a broken glass. I'm afraid of my own husband and I'm a coward.

I'm open to any and all advice. Do I need some perspective or a kick in the pants to move out and forward and take my chances?

I always advice marriage counseling if at all possible, first both people change over 20 years, so you are not the same person either, but the idea is to find common ground for a relationship.

So at this point why are you not out working or starting your own new business, if the kids are now grown ?

Thanks for the response. I haven't moved out or on, as my youngest graduates high school this spring, and starts college this summer. I've been trying to figure out what to do. It's hard to search for a new job, as the phone can't ring from a potential new employer, as he's around all the time. I can barely breath. I'm also wondering what kind of role model I am for my girls. What lessons have they learned from me? How to bite your tongue and hide things from someone who's supposed to be your closest confidant.

I'm feeling very guilty, for all that I have and haven't done. I'm not sure how to move forward. It will be a great debate in my mind for a few days or weeks.