Hi

I was seeing someone for a while, it was a tumultuous relationship in which I found out that he had a girlfriend for 10 yrs who he lives with! I ended up getting him to tell her about us, which he did, just not the truth. Because he kept telling me he didn't love her and would spilt up with her I kept seeing him, stupid I know! We weren't having sex just more like friends, but loved eacothers company. We had a meeting recently and I think t was unsaid that it was a closure meeting, and we go on so well, just like old times, smiling at each other and cracking jokes! For me though it wasn't over, it was all unsaid, he asked me to text him that night, and I did, we kept texting back and forth. Then a few days later, I texted himbut he didn't get back(the night we would usually meet up). I took from this that he wanted to try and move on... and that he thought I would do the same, I am a little impulsive and I couldn't believe he would just think I would be OK with that, and the fact he didn't reply to my text(which wasn't a first) but I did the evil deed and ended up emailing his girlfriend the next morning! (a brief email, not implicating him in any way with evidence or anything) but he called me 3 minutes later screaming down the phone, I eventually calmed him and said I didn't give evidence but he said I'd opened up a can of worms. He threatened to kill me etc etc. I have to say I feel quit terrible about it, I know he's not like that, a killer, but I called him after the weekend and he told me his heart was at him, and asked me 'why did you do it?". I had no answer, he said never to contact him again or he would kill me... thats my story, I feel quite terrible about it... he called me eveil, amongst other things... can anyone see the logic in what I did... I think he's fixed things with her now, but I just wanted to let him know it wasn't OK to do what he did...
Its all mixed up... any advice, comments welcome... I do regret what I did and wished I could've just walked away that last nice meeting with my hea held high but now I've givenus both a bad memory of each other, I feel more positive now, there no more heartache but I wish we ended better. I'm afraid to contact him as am afraid he will 'kill' me... I doubt he would, think he was just angry at the time, I know I must forget him...

Yes you must forget him.

What you did, emailing the girlfriend, was an evil deed. Regardless of the content, you did it, and it had just the impact you thought it would. It stirred up a hornet's nest. Good for you. But it was evil, so own that. You did that.

If you make yourself feel better telling yourself the email might've helped them fix their relationship, fine, say that to yourself. I doubt it's true, but if you need a panacea, that will do. But it was evil. You did that.

So, since you now know you're capable of doing harm to the people you supposedly "love" if they do you wrong, PLEASE make better choices of the men you pursue. Single men, no kids. They're all going to let you down, do things that hurt you, some intentional some not, so make sure there is no one else involved in that relationship to get the fallout from the bombs you might toss.

Consider yoga classes, too.

I know, that you know what you did was horrible and yes, evil. You could have left it alone but you chose not to. You could have left it alone when you knew he was in a relationship however, you didn't. Then when he doesn't text you back you decide to hurt him back.

I have to agree with JBeaucaire, that you need to make better selections on the men you elect to be emotionally involved with. Even without any dialogue -- it's easy to ascertain that he obviously cared about the person he's currently in a relationship with, because he wouldn't end it and he was still with her. Seems like he was trying to spare you hurt feelings by saying that he didn't love her and continuing a friendship with you.

You owe yourself more love and more respect than to be the "other" woman that's not getting any love or being made the priority in a man's life. Sometimes we need to take a pause and give ourselves a chance to heal after relationships end. Keep your head up and move on to find yourself someone that loves you and puts you first and foremost in his life. Time heals all and you will get through this but don't add more fuel to the fire.

Good luck to you!

It was wrong buy hey good for you now move on... he's a dirt bag to want to have a woman and you I feel sorry for her.. he will prob end up loseing her now anyway and if not major trust problems.. and on top of that dirty u... for doing that to there relationship by even pursueing anything how would you feel if you were her:( real nice and to yourself gain some respect wipe the dust off and be a better person find a single man, its best to just leave them alone now.. no way to mend this one sorry.

Thanks very much, I go a short lived kick out of it, but the guilt wasna't worth it. I just think I needed some barrier to stop me from ever contacting him again. I was always deeply angry he had someone else so it woud always surface in some fashion. Thanks anyway

I know, you're all right, I'm not exactly heartbroken cause its been on the way out for a while. I just wish he didn't have such a bad memory of me.. I don't believe he's a killer either no matter how angry I made him. Killer of my friends can't understand what I was thinking. I just hope he doesn't decide to get his own revenge like he threatened to tell my Uni course things, like I deal drugs which is untrue but they would have to invesitage. I'll move on soon. I do have an awful lash out of a temper though, its just I feel I give a lot and when someone lets me down I have to get them back, I throw hot coals and end up hurting myself, and givivng us both a bad memory, I hope it blows over for him too and he doesn't end up hating me forever... thanks all so much for the replies...

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I must forget him...

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And avoid him. You knew what you were getting into, and your behavior is unacceptable.