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-   -   Low sex drive - please help! (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=19385)

  • Feb 1, 2006, 09:43 AM
    jlm1275
    Low Sex Drive - PLEASE HELP!
    Me and my fiancé started having GREAT sex, very often! But now he does not want to have sex unless I "beg". He says, and I quote - "I just want to cuddle, and hold you. You just want to get laid."

    History -
    He is 38, I am 31.
    I am his first real Love, all his other women have been just sex buddies.
    I have never had sex buddies, but have been in love before. And I usually save myself for the "real" relationship.

    So I have finally found a man who 1. I am totally in love with, and 2. I am totally comfertable with!
    He says - why do you want it all the time.
    I say - Because when you do MAKE LOVE to me, you are SO good that I just keep coming back for more. I told him, if it was just about "getting off" I would use a vibrator - But I want his touch, and caress, etc...

    So we agree that it is not me. He says - I don't know what's wrong with me.
    I am thinking maybe - Low testosterone. Or that maybe his heart and penis don't communicate?

    PLEASE HELP!
  • Feb 1, 2006, 08:50 PM
    PrettyLady
    Jlm, it could be psychological causes such as stress, guilt, or poor body image. Or, there's a possibility that he might still be having sex with one of his sex buddies, you might want to look into that. He's only 38, it's unlikely that he has low testosterone since he's had an active sex life with other women before you. I think you should have a talk to with your fiancé and let him know how you feel. If things don't change, certainly the situation can be improved through counselling and sex therapy.
  • Feb 2, 2006, 07:06 AM
    fredg
    HI,
    I agree with Pretty's answer; about counseling.
    Try getting him to go with you for counseling, maybe even a professional marriage counselor. I know you aren't married yet, but they might be able to help.
    If he won't go, then you have a decision to make; that is, do you really want to marry someone who won't satisfy you?
    He might also consider going to a Doctor for a good check-up; asking the Doctor if anything physically is wrong.
    I do wish you the best of luck.
  • Feb 2, 2006, 07:39 AM
    talaniman
    Before you get to flustered try patience understanding and creativity,sounds like he may be a little overwelmed at the moment,give him a chance to catch up a little.Sex is in the mind,so make love to his mind as well as his body:cool:
  • Feb 11, 2006, 05:32 AM
    rarechild
    I am experiencing the same problem some times... last year I was attacked, leaving me partially disabled. After the incident I just don't feel like having sexual intercourse most times, and when I do, I can't ejaculate. I feel as this is a direct result of the incident. Because of what happed I wuld rather be held and loved. I don't feel the same anymore and ~prettynpetit1~ may be correct. I feel that if I stop thinking about what happened and the after effects, I feel like having sex. Guilt, stress and other psychological problems will result in you feeling like not having sex. Talk to your other half and assure him that you are with him 100%. Thankfully, over time, I feel like doing it more and I'm more happy! Try seeing a sex theropist if all else fails...

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