my boyfriend had sex with my worst enemy while we were broke up for literally 3 hours. He told me he was going to be with his guy friend that night and I got mad cause me and him were having problems and I really want to see him so we ended up breaking up. He came over later that night and we worked through it all.. 2 weeks pass and were at the bowling alley with some friends, I was looking at my friends camera and saw a pic of him at the beach at night and asked when this was taken and he couldn't give me a straight answer later that night we were talking and I was suspicious about the picture, I told him I knew he was lying cause that night he was suppose to be with his boys and he wasn't. As we were talking he left his car ( we were in his car talking) and made a call he then comes back into the car and tells me he has something he needs to confess,that's when he said it, "i ed katie". I was at loss of words and didn't know what to say.. now 2 weeks have past since I found out, we still talk and hang out but I can't and don't think I will ever find it in my heart to forgive him, he hasn't even given me and answer to how this happened, he told me it happened at wal-mart in the back of his car he was completely sober they started to kiss then just had sex.. I asked hims what initiated it and he said I don't know... what do I do? Do I forgive him and try to work things out, or do I move on?

Hmmmm dats really harsh,maybe he felt there was no chance for the two of ye again?

Well.. whyd you break up in the first place??

Leave the noise about the other girl alone... you were broken up. Period. You don't get into his bedroom when its an ex. It's a double standard.

So forget about her. Why did you break up? What's changed?

Honestly, this is the real issue. The other girl thing... that's just noise. Yes... it can pi$$ you off. OK. If you can't get over it, move on. But if you want to know about the relationship, it ended for some other reason than her... it ended before her.

And when people are depressed (just broken up) they do stupid things to make themselves feel better.

To paraphrase "high fidelity"... id never let my ex come between me and a f%ck"...

You were an ex. You don't get to dictate what you ex does with his unit. Period.

Now... you aren't obligated to take him back... but once you break up... its broken. What? Is the ex supposed to call you each time he gets a chance at getting laid? Are you supposed to call your ex and ask permission to kiss some guy? no.

So... get over the sex, or not. If not, end it. If you want a shot at making it work, let the sex go and think about why the relationship ended to begin with.

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Originally Posted by kp2171

well.. whyd you break up in the first place???

leave the noise about the other girl alone... you were broken up. period. you dont get into his bedroom when its an ex. its a double standard.

so forget about her. why did you break up? whats changed?

honestly, this is the real issue. the other girl thing... thats just noise. yes... it can pi$$ you off. ok. if you can't get over it, move on. but if you want to know about the relationship, it ended for some other reason than her... it ended before her.

and when people are depressed (just broken up) they do stupid things to make themselves feel better.

to paraphrase "high fidelity"... id never let my ex come between me and a f%ck"....

you were an ex. you dont get to dictate what you ex does with his unit. period.

now... you arent obligated to take him back... but once you break up... its broken. what? is the ex supposed to call you each time he gets a chance at getting laid? are you supposed to call your ex and ask permission to kiss some guy? no.

so... get over the sex, or not. if not, end it. if you want a shot at making it work, let the sex go and think about why the relationship ended to begin with.

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Well we broke up that night because he had lied to me about msging this other chick and I found out so we broke up a few days later then got back together, we weren't broke up for even like 3-5 hours at the most. Then got back together and then 2 weeks later he told me but the thing is, he kept saying no matter what were still boyfriend and girlfriend I don't care if you broke up with me, that's what he was saying in the time we had broken up.


So it is like he cheated. And we both take it like he did..

And then when I found out from him what happened 2 weeks later I broke up with him on the spot..

Now we still talk and hang out anf stuff but when we kissed images of the two of them flashed through my head and now I can't even kiss him..

How do I get over that?
Or trust him?


Or would it just be easier to move on?

I think that you should move on because if a guy does that there is really no turnning back.

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Originally Posted by loveishard

my boyfriend had sex with my worst enemy while we were broke up for literally 3 hours. he told me he was going to be with his guy friend that night and i got mad cause me and him were having problems and i really want to see him so we ended up breaking up. he came over later that night and we worked through it all.. 2 weeks pass and were at the bowling alley with some friends, i was lookin at my friends camera and saw a pic of him at the beach at night and asked when this was taken and he couldnt give me a straight answer later that night we were talking and i was suspicious about the picture, i told him i knew he was lieing cause that night he was supose to be with his boys and he wasnt. as we were talking he left his car ( we were in his car talking) and made a call he then comes back into the car and tells me he has something he needs to confess,thats when he said it, "i ed katie". i was at loss of words and didnt kno what to say..now 2 weeks have past since i found out, we still talk and hang out but i can't and dont think i will ever find it in my heart to forgive him, he hasnt even given me and answer to how this happened, he told me it happend at wal-mart in the back of his car he was completely sober they started to kiss then just had sex..i asked hims what initiated it and he said i dont know... what do i do? do i forgive him and try to work things out, or do i move on?

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Leave him alone every if u bronk up he shouldn't have had sex with someonle else yet 2 hours not ever the same day if u break up with someone u don't get with someone the next day move on

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Originally Posted by pinkrose7

leave him alone every if u bronk up he shouldn't have had sex with someonle else yet 2 hours not ever the same day if u break up with someone u dont get with someone the next day move on

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Yea I know, its just s hard cause I'm like in love with the kid, our relationship was almost perfect, so this insident kind of blind sided me and now I'm left confused on what to do.

My heart says you loe him try and work through it, but my head is saying don't, because I have been through this with another guy.

Was it really perfect if you break up, then not three hours later, he's screwing, as you put it, your worst enemy? Think about that. If he truly loved and cared about you, then he wouldn't have slept with her. It's as simple as that. It doesn't matter how angry you are at each other. It doesn't matter if you two broke up. For him to leave a relationship, then sleep with someone, anyone... just hours after it happened. That shows that emotionally, he's not in it with you. And it shows that he doesn't love you. He's proven it. Yeah, it sucks. Believe me, and it makes you experience a world of hurt and all you want to do is fix it.

But don't try to fix something that he broke. If he wants to be with you, then he needs to own up to what he's done. If it were me, I'd have cut him loose. That's my policy. I don't care how angry we are or how much we argue, or if we even break up. The price for infidelity is this: you've lost all your chances with me. It's not an ultimatum in my relationship that I'm in, because my boyfriend feels the same way on the topic.

Hope this helps.

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Originally Posted by loveishard

our relationship was almost perfect

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I'm not trying to bash you at all here... I take a "tell it straight up" angle that doesn't use soft gloves and sometimes I come across as attacking. I'm not trying to. I like dealing with the issues, and talking softly isn't always my best game. I mean well, if it means anything.

But breaking up with a guy over text messaging a female... there's a lot not "perfect" there.

He lied. He lied about texting another woman. You don't trust him talking to other women. So apparently you can't trust him, cause he is going to talk to other women, like it or not. And his texting another women led you to break up with him for a couple of hours.

Normally, the threat of a breakup shouldn't be a threat. Meaning you don't say "breakup" or "divorce" for leverage. You don't use it to get your way. You say it because there are real issues that aren't going to be solved with a kiss and an "im sorry"... what was solved in that time? Saying "im sorry" doesn't solve the issue of trust or mistrust. I don't know you or him well enough to know who was more out of line...

He lied. Strike against him. You don't trust him... could go either way... maybe you just can't trust due to past emotional baggage or insecurity... maybe he doesn't deserve to be trusted (not a perfect relationship)... maybe it's a little of both. My wife flirts with men from time to time, goes out on business dinner dates with men, has numbers in her phone that belong to men I don't know. I trust her completely. She's rock solid faithful. So why isn't your guy? What can't he text a girl? Was the content bad? Was is to a woman you don't like? Why was he in trouble about texting a girl? There's mistrust there... where does that come from? You or him? Or both?

So... point is... maybe it felt "perfect" when things were running well... its easy when its easy... but there are some clear issues outside of his "cheating" that needed to be solved.

He could have not slept with her and those issues would still be there... the lying, the mistrust, etc. and until that stuff is solved, there is no "back together" that is sustainable.

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Originally Posted by loveishard

yea i know, its just s hard cause im like in love with the kid, our relationship was almost perfect, so this insident kind of blind sided me and now im left confused on what to do.

my heart says u loe him try and work through it, but my head is saying dont, becuase i have been throught this with another guy.

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Yea, I know how it is when your in love not to be harsh or anything but don't u think if this boy loved you he would try to work it out with you instead he slept with this girl a couple of hours after you guys broke up. Don't u think something is wrong with that? It a guy cheats on you that means they want something else, you need a guy who wants you and only you and here are guys out there who are like that but you don't have to put yourself though that pain, I know its hurts but you got to move on if you stay and try to work it out in time he will do it again and that will hurt even more , just more on you should settle find something or someone better DON'T SETTLE

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Originally Posted by pinkrose7

yea, i know how it is when ur in love not to be harsh or anything but dont u think if this boy loved u he would try to work it out with u instead he slept with this girl a couple of hours after u guys broke up. dont u think something is wrong with that? it a guy cheats on u that means they want something else, u need a guy who wants u and only u and here r guys out there who r like that but u don't have to put yourself though that pain, i know its hurts but u got to move on if u stay and try to work it out in time he will do it again and that will hurt even more , just more on u should settle find something or someone better DON"T SETTLE

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Well like the thing is we broke up and got back together the same night and he didn't confess until 2 weeks later, and by the valentines day had passed in those 2 weeks and it was amazing I came home from school and my whole room was covered in rose pettles a huge bouqete of roses and chocolates and little cut out hearts everywhere it was amazing. And like its so hard to like image that he did all that knowing what he had done you know.. I mean give it I am 16 almost 17 and I've been in a similar situation except the guy went on vactaion with another girl and told me he was going with his borhter and I found out the truth and we broke up and they went out and are still dateing ( its been over a year) and now this its kind of like I have a sign on my back that say, hurt me, it sucks and tonight me and my ex the one who cheated were suppose to chill and then he ditches me.. so I'm completely at loss of words cause he totally took advantage of the fact that I'm still actually talking to him. My problem is, I don't know how to say good bye my sisters going through the same situation ironically enough but she just stopped talking to he ex like all together and I don't know why I can't do that.. its so hard.. and I know I deserve better but for some reason I can't find the strength to say good bye and actually mean it...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by loveishard

yea i know, its just s hard cause im like in love with the kid, our relationship was almost perfect, so this insident kind of blind sided me and now im left confused on what to do.

my heart says u loe him try and work through it, but my head is saying dont, becuase i have been throught this with another guy.

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Doesn't sound like it was perfect because you were having trust issues and you were doing the break up get back together dance, so I don't know why you would have been so shocked or blindsided by this.
People tend to see and believe what they want to. Pretend things are pefect even when the person is lying to you.
If you want to play yo yo with him, take the chance that he will have sex with someone else every time you guys have a spat, then stay with him. IMO isn't that much love for anybody where I'd be playing those kinds of games with someone.

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Originally Posted by loveishard

well like the thing is we broke up and got back together the same night and he didnt confess until 2 weeks later, and by the valentines day had passed in those 2 weeks and it was amazing i came home from school and my whole room was covered in rose pettles a huge bouqete of roses and chocolates and little cut out hearts everywhere it was amazing. and like its so hard to like image that he did all that knowing what he had done u know..i mean give it i am 16 almost 17 and ive been in a similar situation except the guy went on vactaion with another girl and told me he was going with his borhter and i found out the truth and we broke up and they went out and are still dateing ( its been over a year) and now this its kinda like i have a sign on my back that say, hurt me, it sucks and tonight me and my ex the one who cheated were supose to chill and then he ditches me.. so im completely at loss of words cause he totaly took advantage of the fact that im still actually talking to him. my problem is, i dont know how to say good bye my sisters going through the same situation ironicly enough but she just stopped talking to he ex like all together and i dont know why i can't do that..its so hard.. and i know i deserve better but for some reason i can't find the strength to say good bye and actually mean it....

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Well if you don't love and respect yourself enough to not let someone repeatedly use you, to say good-bye to someone who is not good for you, you will keep on getting hurt and used. Ask yourself who is more important to you. You or him. Don't be a relationship junky or a glutton for punishment.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Well if you don't love and respect yourself enough to not let someone repeatedly use you, to say good-bye to someone who is not good for you, you will keep on getting hurt and used. Ask yourself who is more important to you. You or him. Don't be a relationship junky or a glutton for punishment.

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You know I never really thought of it that way... thanks that actually really helps.

Homegirls points are spot on.

But... I still just don't get it.

How do you breakup with someone and then get back together a few hours later? I mean... that kind of stuff happened in 7th grade. I should know. I "dated" a girl for three periods. Shortest bf/gf situation in history?

Point is... you are upset about the "cheating"... and I really, really take exception to calling it cheating... he was an ex. "sleeping with an enemy" I get... but anyway...

You still haven't really talked about why you broke up. Yes... he lied about texting a girl.

Okay.

What about it?

Again... until this issue is solved, the relationship is likely doomed... so time to address this before it crushes this relationship or it transfers into the next relationship.