Hi Everyone

To cut a long story short, for the last two years I was in an abusive relationship. I lost my family, my friends, my job and was involved in a world that wasn't me. I have since ended the relationship almost three months ago but now in the aftermath what do I do? I thought when breaking up with him, everything would go back to normal but it hasn't. I go to work and that's okay but when I come home I can't do anything. I lay in bed at night thinking and thinking. I can't sleep. When I wake up in the morning I don't feel sad but Im never happy. I can't remember the last time I had fun or even laughed. What do I do or how do I move on with my life? I don't have anyone to talk to about this.

To make things worse, even though I've moved back home with the family the situations still the same. No one will let me forget what's happened. They thinks it my fault and my twin sister of all people cant/wont move past it. I no longer speak with her and because of the tension in the house, I can't take it anymore. The last month I've become so violent Im scared of myself. I phsyically attack people. I have destroyed cars and punched a hole in the wall. As a result of this I've now been told to pack my bags and move out again.

Its embarrassing to say all this but I need to, so someone out there can give me answers. I need help not only with my anger management problems but with how I pick up the pieces again. Where do I start?

Hi Everyone... Im back again

As a last note, on top of everything else going on in my life right now, my ex still contacts me.

My ex who's continuously on a high from drugs, a daily basis, emails my quite nasty, abusive letters. I can't deal with this. My cousellor did warn me of this. That once I made the move to dump him, in the months following he could become more abusive. Follow me and send me correspondence like such.

I was warned but it still... I don't know what to think. Im trying to get over the past, move on and its hard when on a daily basis, I'm made to think of the situation.

Have you been seen by a physician and/or a psychiatrist? Anger is usually a symptom of depression. Good nutrition is helpful in working through a slump too. B vitamins, in particular can really help you stay on an even keel. Find a way to block or stop the daily contact with your ex. You don't need his influence, but then you knew that.

Please share with us. There are some amazing people on this site who are both wise and helpful.

In regards to my ex, I have tried everything I can think of. I've changed my mobile number twice, had my car fixed but its not enough. He knows where I live and now he knows where I work. Yesterday he called me 5 times on the office number and I have no idea how he got that. I didn't even know he knew where I worked.

Things at home are still blah. Its my sister that triggers my bouts of anger. I can't be around her. If I want to stay sane, I just can't have anything to do with her. The rest of my family is okay. I have issues with mum as well but its my sister. I don't understand it. Everyday she presses me and presses me to the point where I explode.

On a daily basis she saids comments like "get on ur back for ur ex" "How long did you last at uni for, 3 weeks" "How much money do u have" "What do you talk about with the counsellor" "Its your fault with your ex. You let him do those things to you" "You cause all the trouble in this house".

I know this is stupid. There only small things. Nothing to get worked up about. Its sounds like a scene from primary school. Not at 20 yrs of age. But when these things are said to me on a daily basis, at the end of week I'm besides myself. No one knows anything about what Ive been through these last two years. No one. Ive started talking to the counsellor and a little bit to Mum but unless you've been a victim or unless their me no one knows what's it like. I hate her talking to me about things she doesn't understand. She tries to listen in. She thinks she knows what it was like. She has no idea.

At other times she's like I overheard you say rah rah rah to mum and I think this... when in actual fact it's the opposite to what she thinks she heard. What she thinks is going on is completely at the other end of the scale to what I've just told mum. I just wish people would leave me alone. Everyone knows. Mums whole side of the family know. 30 plus people. Its embarrassing and more to the point whilst I'm over it, I'm also not ready to talk to people about it.

I just want to forget that its happened. Im not in denial. I know that its happened. But I just want to move on. I don't want to think about it anymore than I do. When I only get a few hours sleep at night because of it I don't want to be reminded of it again first thing in the morning. That's why I love going to work. I prefer to be there then at home. There I can get lost, distracted with files and clients. Its so much better. People at work also don't bug me and annoy me. They don't ask questions. It's the way I like it.

It also annoys me when I see people like my sister treat other people in a disgusting manner. She who I won't name yells at her boyfriend on a daily basis. Tells him to get over his stuttering problem (Which she knew he had before she started dating him), yells at him for his behaviours such as the way he walks, his clothes, his shoes.

What annoys me most is the way she puts him down. * you shouldn't be at uni. You can't do it. Your not good enough. You should just stay working at pizza hut". The tone that she uses when speaking to him is awful. She sounds just like my ex. Exactly like him. He too use to say to me "Stay working at Big W" "You can't concentrate" "Your not smart" and what hurts me is that she's see the pain I've gone through with my ex. She knows that it hurts. Never in all my life did I ever think that my sister of all people would be a person who instigates it. After all she's seen and knows of my story, she goes around treating people like that.

She is immature. Its like she's still in high school. All she's concerned about is her friends and what she's going to be doing that day. They all just sit there and laugh. That fake laugh when a guy runs past. Concerned with shoes and what party their going to go to on the weekend. Its bull. There's bigger things in life than that. Like jeez I don't know starving kids in Africa.

She also is sleeping around behind his back. Something that my ex did as well. It is so hard for me to keep my mouth shut when one morning she has her ex in her bed but then later that night she has her current boyfriend in there. Its wrong.

And in case your wondering, my ex is drug depended. He consumes alcohol on a daily basis and is a drug dealer doing weed, ectasy and who knows what else. His main job though is breaking into peoples places, taking their goods and selling it to people to get money.

Whilst I was with him, we lived in so many places. We were always on the move. I worked maybe only couple days a week and that money went towards our food. It got to the stage where we had only $5. Enough to get a kids happy meal at McDonalds to share. We always fought. Once I found out about the drugs I wanted him to stop. To get a job and for us to be happy. We would go for maybe three days at the most before having screaming match. I wanted him around me always. But then when he announced that he had to go out for a couple of hours I would scream at him to stay with me. Then there was screaming, throwing tables, having the police called. That the lifestyle the underworld is. Until that stage I didn't even know what weed was. I wasn't street smart.

I loved him and it was so hard to walk away. Usually when people break up its mutual or its because they no longer have feelings for that other person. When I broke up with my ex I was still very much in love. We talked about marriage. Everything. He was my life. I was depended on him as I has lost everything in my previous life.

When I first found out about the drugs I just ignored it. Pretend it wasn't happening. But then I couldn't do it anymore. I had enough. There's only so much more one can take. I asked him to choose me and he didn't. That weekend I walked away.

In the first few weeks after that I didn't really think it was for real. I was just relieved to be back at home. A weight had gone. I only had to think of going to work the next day. But now that times caught up with me, Im a mess. My life is worse now than when I was with him.

So to me its like what was the point?

All I want, just one wish, is to be over this whole ordeal. Not only with my ex but with my family and anger problems. Its been three months now. Three months. I want to be over it. I want it so much. But I can't seem to let things go. Why??

Wish for it to be over, don't want. Wanting just leaves/keeps you wanting. Keep taking steps forward, it will get better.

You can't let things go and just be happy? You have to decide minute by minute who you wish to be. Your feelings and behavior are apparent in your choice of who you wish to be, at each moment.

You may be suffering from depression, and rightly so given what has happened, is still happening. See a physician. Take care of yourself.