Ask Me Help Desk - Is he like her more than like me?

Hi, again, the guy I've been seeing him for over 18 months, and in December I went to his house and saw pictures downloaded on his desk top was another woman... and they have known each other for 16 months... and I don't even aware of that... he always said that I am the only one he dated...

He is 57 now and have never been married but have 2 long term relationships (one is 9 years and the last one was 6 years and have a daughter (12 yrs old now) from that relationship. Since this daughter come every second week to visited him and I have no way to go out with him for weekends as even without his daughter's visiting he said he need time to decompress...

He spend most of time to stay online chatting when he's home... although he claim that he is so active... I think maybe in the past!

The most shocked mement was when I found out the pictures the woman with him and his daughter went camping last year summer for 3 days... he didn't even introduce me to his daughter yet...

The woman she still has a profile on pof... and I don't know what situation with them... maybe he told her that he didn't want to have a relationship... but the woman still keep in touch with him... yes, I am jealous... but I am also hurt... I can't confront as he would deny totally...

I know I am stubborn and silly... tell me how can I do to help myself? I do like him but also him as no future... he enjoy flirting women online...

Quote:

Originally Posted by careaboutyou

Hi, again, the guy I've been seeing him for over 18 months, and in December I went to his house and saw pictures downloaded on his desk top was another woman... and they have known each other for 16 months... and I don't even aware of that... he always said that I am the only one he dated...

He is 57 now and have never been married but have 2 long term relationships (one is 9 years and the last one was 6 years and have a daughter (12 yrs old now) from that relationship. Since this daughter come every second week to visited him and I have no way to go out with him for weekends as even without his daughter's visiting he said he need time to decompress...

He spend most of time to stay online chatting when he's home... although he claim that he is so active... I think maybe in the past!

The most shocked mement was when I found out the pictures the woman with him and his daughter went camping last year summer for 3 days... he didn't even introduce me to his daughter yet...

The woman she still has a profile on pof... and I don't know what situation with them... maybe he told her that he didn't want to have a relationship... but the woman still keep in touch with him... yes, I am jealous... but I am also hurt... I can't confront as he would deny totally...

I know I am stubborn and silly... tell me how can I do to help myself? I do like him but also him as no future... he enjoy flirting women online...

First, you didn't confront him about it as you stated, secondly you stated

Quote:

I do like him but also him as no future...

You don't see a future with him if I am not misquoting you, if this is a case why should you meet his daughter? And why should he let his daughter see you if you are not going to be there for the long run. It would be senseless.. About this other woman don't make assumptions about the relationship if you want to know ask, and if he can't be honest with you then do you really need to be in this relationship? You really can't compare yourself to his past lovers, or relationships. Relationships fail, and we have to learn from them. He may be trying something different.. Maybe trying to avoid the same mistake, perhaps he don't want to establish something serious.. either way if this is not what you want then you have a choice, choose to except what he is telling you or move on... it's your choice... Care about your own happiness first before you think of somoene else. If this is not what you want then don't settle.

Well if you think you have no future together WHY ARE YOU WITH HIM?
I no you like him but if its afuture you want your with the wrong man

And as for this other woman on his PC,I wouldn't like that either so your not on your on their,wouldn't like them going camping for 3days either

If this woman is on pof that must mean he is still on the site as amember you can't look at profiles unles you are amember

And id be asking why you haven't met his daughter if this other woman has [why is he trying to hide you from her?]

Hi, thanks for all of your answers...

I did want to have a relationship with him and I still am hoping...

But because I have just found out his secret by accidentally went to his computer room...

The woman seem can get her way out of him... I couldn't believe that I was talking to him the day before they were going to camping and after... I asked him "how many people were together...and he said only him and daughter...he is still trying not to tell me the truth...even there no imtimacy I have found so far..but if he liked to go out with her and only like stay in bed with me........? maybe I am only the one can tolerant his "sexual dysfunctional"...I don't care..I care about him...

All my friends around me suggested me 'move on'....give up...but I just enjoy chatting with him....I guess the women online did as well..............he can write very well....he is well educated...but he may not has same core value as I have...

again, I am silly but I have hard time to just walk away...I asked him to give me a closure..but he didn't ....he still want to have sex with me sometimes....but he is so cheap...he only come and pick me up during late of night...no romance dinner or movie at all....I am too easy for him....except beginning we had few times of dinner...and nothing else I can get from him....even go picnics....

I am trying to pretend know nothing...he still maintain great interests to talking to me online..

by the way...he put me on msn category as "other contacts" while the other women either on "friends" or on "business contacts".....he has his own name on "other contacts"....so I am confused...why only put me on "other contacts"? Negative or positive?

How old are you?

Your reading way too much into things. If you have an issue talk to him. That's all any of us is saying we can't see inside the guys head there could be 1000 reasons he is doing what he is doing..

Anyway this whole thing seems odd to me ;z

Regards

We have known each other on dating website and we continue communicating through msn chatting line... English is my second language... he said it's easier to communicate online than through phone call...

He didn't like to discuss serious things with me.. he would run up to hills... he said he didn't want to have comminment at this time of his life so don't be disappointed... but he still enjoy me accompany... thus I still keep hoping one day he would like me and have relationship with me only

What about one of those honest talks to clear the air, and get things out in the open. Personally, I think you may be settling for someone, who is not that available, and not really serious about any real relationship with you. He sounds to content with the way things are. Talk about it, and have your fun elsewhere.

He calls for you in the middle of the night [sounds to me like he's trying to hide you] I'm sorry but it does he won't let you meet his daughter either,I guess you've never met any of his friends either

I think your hoping for something that's not going to happen he said he doesn't want commitment at this time in his life I think he's just using you

Thanks for answering me...

Sadly to say that he has never introduced me to either his friends nor his daughter... he was using excused that my English is not good enough... and now I know that's an excuse..

He hardly use his weekend time to see me... only chatting with me until late of night (11 or 12 pm) and come to my house and pick me up to his place.. and the other day we both go to work... and that's what we have done so far...

I guess all the women on his list may all been misleading that he is honest guy... how could you tell a guy from appearance?

The woman went camping with him may not willing to have sex with him because her profile says " no overweight, sexual functional, and no younger kids and finacially secure and be able manage his own matter..you do not need a maid.."...

I can't believe that he can stay with her as he got all the problems on her no no list...

He is currenlty has a decent good pay job... but so what? He only started 4 years ago... from zero...

Well hun id move on find somebody new to have fun with,that's why pof is called plenty of fish because there is plenty of fish in the sea go and look for anew fish and stop wasting you life with somebody that doesn't show you the care,love and affection you deserve he obviously doesn't want arelationship with you he's told you this I don't understand why you are waiting for him to change his mind you mite be waiting for avery long till you come to your senses then it will be to late you will have wasted so much time on aperson that doesn't deserve it or want it

If he cared he would have let you meet his daughter and his friends and wouldn't be taking hollidays with other women

He is a player... I just don't get it... I am some what naïve in this concept -- why would he want to cheating all the women?

I hope can give him a lesson.. but I don't know how to... I still pretend know nothing.. but I refused to go to his place for 2 months... I don't accept "booty calls".. I said to him

Listen, hun doesn't matter if your english is not that great, or whatever excuse he is making, don't allow him to make you feel there is something wrong with you when it's totally his problem, I know you care about him, but there is someone out there who would appreciate you for you! As a whole no matter what you "flaws" he thinks you have, me personally I don't think it is you at all, and if you want real happiness you must find it in yourself... if he can't be honest with you then this relationship is nothing more than based on lies and sex, 18 months.. and you still are confused as to where you are going with this, and instead of him getting closer or moving forwards, he is keeping secrets, chatting with other women, and not making time to spend with you.. Look at all the facts, and understand that if someone really wants to be with you nothing, I mean nothing will keep them away... If you refuse sex and you see that he doesn't contact you, or talk to you because of this than you can see what his real intentions are...

Quote:

Originally Posted by careaboutyou

he is a player....I just don't get it....I am some what naive in this concept -- why would he want to cheating all the women?

I hope can give him a lesson..but I don't know how to....I still pretend know nothing..but I refused to go to his place for 2 months....I don't accept "booty calls"..I said to him