This past weekend, my fiance/girlfriend of one year just dumped me. I tried talking to her about it and she confessed that she doesn't have any feelings for me anymore. I feel shocked, disappointed, depressed etc. I asked her if she'll take me back or not; her response was she doesn't want to be with me as well as she wants to be single and not be in a relationship. I don't see what I did wrong, although we've hurt each other in disagreements and such. She proposed to me and I said I'm willing to do anything, but now she said she doesn't have a thing for me.

I don't know what to say. I feel down, depressed, used etc. I lost my virginity to this girl and I somehow now regret it even though I said I don't regret it. *sigh* It was my first relationship and I never knew life is be so much crap. She just wants to be friends, but I said I want to be best friends... I seriously have no clue what to do anymore. I'm blown away.

I am also enlisting in the Army because of financial issues along with personal problems...


Today, my ex called me and asked me why I called; I told her that she called me at 8am while I was sleeping. She said she didn't know and I told her not to worry about it. Then, we started talking about our dreams (because it was weird) and I said to her "maybe our subconscious is bonding us." Later on, I told her I'm enlisting seriously and after training, I might get drafted as soon as possible. She questioned "Why are you doing this?" I responded "You want me to forget you so I'll travel to another place and just forget you. If I don't come back, that means I've forgotten about you." She started to worry and asked "If you do go, please try not to get yourself killed." I told her to stop asking me not to get killed because I can't guarantee that I'll come back; she asked me more and I said "It's not my choice to go. I've been left with no options. I asked you to stay and support my choices, but you dumped me. Why does it even matter to you? Am I important? I thought we're just friends." She said " You're a close friend and I don't have a lot of close friends. But promise me that you'll try not to get killed." I rejected her promise and said "I'm making a choice because it'll benefit others. Look at you.. you made a choice that hurt me and don't even care. You tell me to forget you, so going to Iraq is the quickest solution."

Then I told her why and guess what? She says "ok. good night." pissing me off because I explained to her I'm not able to guarantee anything.

before she hung out, she said "good night" & "I still love you."

Seriously, what the does she mean? Why the does she have guts to still say "love you" when she hurt me?

Yes, this is still happening right now...

Breaking up with her could be an open door...

... for possibilities.

How often did you two argue? Was it over stupid stuff? And did you compromise or just leave her angry?

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Originally Posted by bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE

Breaking up with her could be an open door...

...for possibilities.

How often did you two argue? Was it over stupid stuff? And did you comprimise or just leave her angry?

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We argue over stuff like she's going out with her guy-friends. I trust her, but I don't trust her guy-friends. She gets angry because she says I don't trust her.

Other than that, we all have childish moments and I'm just sweet-talking to her..
Apparently, she doesn't like that so I became a bit stiff and now, she says I'm too childish.

It doesn't make sense .__.

I did compromise with her and she's like "whatever"

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Originally Posted by hjpan

We argue over stuff like she's going out with her guy-friends. I trust her, but I don't trust her guy-friends. She gets angry because she says I don't trust her.

Other than that, we all have childish moments and I'm just sweet-talking to her..
Apparently, she doesn't like that so I became a bit stiff and now, she says I'm too childish.

It doesn't make sense .__.

I did compromise with her and she's like "whatever"

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Well then maybe this girl isn't for you. Ever think of that?

I doubt she has no feelings. She might question whether she's ready to marry, which is a common thing, esp when young.

That doesn't make you feel any better. Lord know the three times I loved a woman and it fell apart it didn't help to think "well, im young and still learning"... but that was the truth.

So... you are going through what most people go through. To good news is it happens to most of us. Welcome to the club. The bad news is that it sucks arse. Until it doesn't.

I've loved women I couldn't be with for various reasons. That she broke up doesn't mean she doesn't care... just might mean that its time to move on.

No fun. Sucks arse. Been there. Done that. Several times.

Nobody likes to start over.

Its worth it.

Eventually, you get it right, at the right time, with the right person... its just that you think it over and over until it actually happens.

The problem is I don't know how she could change her mind within 2 months. We've started dating since my second semester of senior year and when I went to see her, it was amazing...

She flew to see me and it was alright because her mom was doing business stuff (she said one day, but took three days) and we were just left alone in the streets. I questioned that it wasn't fair that we had to go with her mom to because of her business trip; we could've stayed at my sisters' place and hung around.

It's so stressful...

I understand we're young for our age to talk about marriage, but I was committed. She told me she's committed too and just backed out... I feel so ed over because I bought her a nice, engagement ring....

She says she'll return it, but I really don't give a flying anymore.
I've asked her to send back my stuff that I gave her since she doesn't care anymore.


y ex called me and asked me why I called; I told her she called me 8am while I was sleeping. She said she didn't know and I told her not to worry about it. Then, we started talking about our dreams (because it was weird) and I said to her "maybe our subconscious is bonding us." Later on, I told her I'm enlisting seriously and after training, I might get drafted as soon as possible. She questioned "Why are you doing this?" I responded "You want me to forget you so I'll travel to another place and just forget you. If I don't come back, that means I've forgotten about you." She started to worry and asked "If you do go, please try not to get yourself killed." I told her to stop asking me not to get killed because I can't guarantee that I'll come back; she asked me more and I said "It's not my choice to go. I've been left with no options. I asked you to stay and support my choices, but you dumped me. Why does it even matter to you? Am I important? I thought we're just friends." She said " You're a close friend and I don't have a lot of close friends. But promise me that you'll try not to get killed." I rejected her promise and said "I'm making a choice because it'll benefit others. Look at you.. you made a choice that hurt me and don't even care. You tell me to forget you, so going to Iraq is the quickest solution."

Then I told her why and guess what? She says "ok. good night." pissing me off because I explained to her I'm not able to guarantee anything.

before she hung out, she said "good night" & "I still love you."

Seriously, what the does she mean? Why the does she have guts to still say "love you" when she hurt me?

I have no idea why she broke up with you BUT

A. Of course she is going to have feelings for you but she probably didn't feel compatible or something.
There are different degrees of like and love.

B. Going to Iraq- should not be taken lightly NOR should your reasons be over being 'dumped'

C. What you said and how you said it sounds like you were putting a guilt trip on her and
A relationship should not be held together by guilt feelings. Quit possibly you used similar tactics IN your relationship and possibly why she felt the desire to break up with you.
Even though you most likely didn't mean it or see it this way. Looking at it from her perspective wouldn't you have to say you can see how she may have felt that way?

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

I have no idea why she broke up with you BUT

A. Of course she is going to have feelings for you but she probably didn't feel compatible or something.
There are different degrees of like and love.

B. Going to Iraq- should not be taken lightly NOR should your reasons be over being 'dumped'

C. What you said and how you said it sounds like you were putting a guilt trip on her and
a relationship should not be held together by guilt feelings. Quit possibly you used similar tactics IN your relationship and possibly why she felt the desire to break up with you.
Even though you most likely didn't mean it or see it this way. Looking at it from her perspective wouldn't you have to say you can see how she may have felt that way?

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A. If she didn't feel compatible, why would she just still be with me? Why not dump me earlier? I know I've said hurtful things to her before since we've argued just like any other couples would do.

B. Going to Iraq is serious, but there's nothing free in the world except used items that are unwanted. I'm getting free college tuition, paychecks, and fees from the government.. I don't believe in taking advantage and munching down taxpayers' money. Let's say I'm not going to Iraq, the money I'm being given isn't what I want. I want to work for it, even if it includes me to go to war.

C. I'm not putting a guilt trip on her; it seems like it but I'm telling her what the recruiter and my friend in the reserves are telling me. Oh yes, both of them are enlisted and go to college; they have served in Middle East before. I want to be independent as well, so I tell her that I'm willing to go to Iraq because of reason B. She said she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now and she wants to be independent; I'm fine with her choices, but she doesn't understand that I was also enlisting to help get her tuition paid by the government. I told her that no matter where a person is, he or she will always be dependent on something.

Oh well...

Often girls will wait it out and hope things get better. Often times girls think they can change a guy. I have no idea why she called it quits so I don't know you might want to ask her.
Tell her you want to improve things but need to know what the problem(s) are so you know what to work on.

If you can say that you would not go to Iraq if she said she wanted to get back together then what you say is not the real issue of why you want to go.

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Originally Posted by hjpan

"You want me to forget you so I'll travel to another place and just forget you. If I don't come back, that means I've forgotten about you."

"It's not my choice to go. I've been left with no options. I asked you to stay and support my choices, but you dumped me."

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Why would you say those things THAT way if it wasn't a guilt trip?

How would you joining the army get HER tuition paid by the government?

wow that is what happened to me!! I joined the marine corps right after my ex of a year and a half dumped me while he was in the air force, then later he kept calling me baby and saying I love you and you'll always have a special place in my heart. I didn't understand it I loved him and want to be with him forever. So I said screw it, it hurt me for a year that I couldn't be with him. So much I cried over it I would text him asking why it had to be like this way, why can't we be together if you love me. And he called me a whore! And said to leave him alone. What the hell I'm far from a whore. But besides that I moved on, if he didn't love me he wasn't worth my time. I keep in my mind, I will find and deserve better. I found him too. You just have to tell yourself I deserve better than that. Screw her she is not worth getting down over!! She will realize she can't dump you look for something better and when she doesn't have it try to get you to be at her beck and call. It doesn't work like that. Nor will it ever. Hope this helps you!

*&^ brittany^&*

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

Often girls will wait it out and hope things get better. Often times girls think they can change a guy. I have no idea why she called it quits so I don't know you might want to ask her.
Tell her you want to improve things but need to know what the problem(s) are so you know what to work on.

If you can say that you would not go to Iraq if she said she wanted to get back together then what you say is not the real issue of why you want to go.



Why would you say those things THAT way if it wasn't a guilt trip?

How would you joining the army get HER tuition paid by the government?

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Ok~ I'm slowly not talking to her, but I have her number and confirmed friend online..

I told her I needed time to get support and such. She just calls it quits; I don't know why.

Maybe you don't understand this, but she said "Forget me. if you don't, I'll go hook up with random guys." I responded "the only way I'll forget you is if I go to Iraq & I don't come back. I will always remember you because my brain will have that memory on the day we first kissed and the first time we've had sex."

That's what I said to her.. I didn't want to type much..

As for the government tuition, she could use my paycheck and financial aid to go to college.

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Originally Posted by bservis

wow that is what happened to me!!! I joined the marine corps right after my ex of a year and a half dumped me while he was in the air force, then later he kept calling me baby and saying i love you and youll always have a special place in my heart. I didnt understand it i loved him and want to be with him forever. so i said screw it, it hurt me for a year that i couldnt be with him. so much i cried over it i would text him asking why it had to be like this way, why can't we be together if you love me. and he called me a whore! and said to leave him alone. what the hell im far from a whore. but besides that I moved on, if he didnt love me he wasnt worth my time. i keep in my mind, i will find and deserve better. I found him too. You just have to tell yourself i deserve better than that. Screw her she is not worth getting down over!!! she will realize she can't dump you look for something better and when she doesnt have it try to get you to be at her beck and call. it doesnt work like that. nor will it ever. hope this helps you!

*&^ brittany^&*

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That's awkward.. I talked to my ex and she said she's fine if I visit her some time..
It's weird... I just feel so used because I wouldn't just lost my virginity to a girl and get dumped or my first kiss...

I don't cry over it; I stop eating.

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Originally Posted by hjpan

"Forget me. if you don't, I'll go hook up with random guys."

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That is just plain immature.

I have known guys that when they get mad about something (my son tried this on me a couple times to) I would say I am cooking dinner and they would be mad at me for something stupid so they would say they weren't eating to hurt me. I would say, "FINE, its your stomach not mine!" and cook and eat without them. Then they would say, "Where is mine?" and I would remind them they said they were not going to eat.
Not sure of the moral of the story other than that is just plain immature thinking to have an if you don't do this then I will do this. It is retaliation but it you aren't even really involved IN the retaliation --if you can follow what I am saying.

It was their stomach not mine
It is her body not yours
So it makes no sense to me in a way

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

That is just plain immature.

I have known guys that when they get mad about something (my son tried this on me a couple times to) I would say I am cooking dinner and they would be mad at me for something stupid so they would say they weren't eating to hurt me. I would say, "FINE, its your stomach not mine!" and cook and eat without them. Then they would say, "Where is mine?" and I would remind them they said they were not going to eat.
Not sure of the moral of the story other than that is just plain immature thinking to have an if you don't do this then I will do this. It is retaliation but it you aren't even really involved IN the retaliation --if you can follow what I am saying.

It was their stomach not mine
It is her body not yours
so it makes no sense to me in a way

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I'm confused.. I know it's her body and stuff, but I don't understand why would she act like that? :confused:

That is what I mean
She is making rash statements to hurt you but using her body for the threat

Just like my friends and son would make rash statement that they were not going to eat
How's it directly hurting me?
It's their stomach
Their stupidity

Same with her rash statement


Just immaturity

Quote:

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

That is what I mean
She is making rash statements to hurt you but using her body for the threat

Just like my friends and son would make rash statement that they were not going to eat
how's it directly hurting me?
It's their stomach
their stupidity

same with her rash statement


Just immaturity

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Well, when she made that statement, would she actually do it ;__;?
I love her to death, but now I'm heart broken :(


Hmm... I guess we should be friends until she makes a move or something...

I think it was basically an idle threat
To freak you out.
I don't know what she expects you to do to just forget her.
She says ''don't get killed''
Same difference as you saying you still love her.
She is still showing emotion for you.

I think you both need to cut out the hurt talk and have a heart to heart about why she doesn't want to be with you any more but if she has reasons and they involve how you are she may not want to hurt your feelings.
I have no idea but it would be nice if you could find a way to get her to open up and be honest with you.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

I think it was basically an idle threat
to freak you out.
I don't know what she expects you to do to just forget her.
She says ''don't get killed''
same difference as you saying you still love her.
She is still showing emotion for you.

I think you both need to cut out the hurt talk and have a heart to heart about why she doesn't want to be with you any more but if she has reasons and they involve how you are she may not want to hurt your feelings.
I have no idea but it would be nice if you could find a way to get her to open up and be honest with you.

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I guess so... I don't understand how I'll forget her. It's ridiculous already...

If she still shows emotions for me, why won't she be straight up?
I've tried to have a serious conversation and she changes the subject.

When I was talking to her, she complained about how I talked to girls and compliment them; I told her that was before I met you, but she said "I felt hurt when I saw that." It's ridiculous because the girl I used to talk to is gone... :(

Just now, I was thinking of enlisting and getting the benefits I need right now since my world just crumbled.

I guess it's probably me and she doesn't want to open up...

Yeah she doesn't want to open up and be honest with you
She must also be insecure and unsure of her self.
So she may be afraid of even being in a relationship at all with anybody.