Ask Me Help Desk - Can I still trust him?

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years.he's always been good and honest to me.but I'm a very emotional and sensitive of girl tat I quarrelled with him all the time for nothing.he used to bring me to meet all his frens and I humiliatted him in front of all his friends.he loved me so much that he rejected the arranged marriege by his parents bcoz of me.he always wanted me to changed my attitude and I kept on dissappoint him.4 months earlier,he ask for a break up but I persuaded him to be with me.although we are together but he start to keep a distance from me.n last week I went to his place to c him without his knowledge I saw him sitting with a girl.then he told me he likes the girl becoz she is caring and always comfort him when we having quarrel but he still chose me becoz he still love me.should I still stay with him?

In a word, probably not.

BOTH OF YOU have many things to clear up for yourselves.

With him, it seems like he was being a bit too soft on you at the beginning and spoiling you. I'm going to be very blunt. A person should never tolerate pointless humiliation. He needs to learn how to set boundaries for himself instead of being walked on. He also needs to be more vocal about how serious a problem is and put the issue of his affair on the table. To sum it up, he really needs some self-confidence.

As for you, why didn't you change your attitude? I'm sure you noticed that it wasn't good for him. I don't blame him for finding another girl to comfort him when you were dishing insults at him. You can be as emotional and sensitive as you want, but it's crossing the line when your emotions can hurt people for the pettiest of reasons.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ampersandra

In a word, probably not.

BOTH OF YOU have many things to clear up for yourselves.

With him, it seems like he was being a bit too soft on you at the beginning and spoiling you. I'm going to be very blunt. A person should never tolerate pointless humiliation. He needs to learn how to set boundaries for himself instead of being walked on. He also needs to be more vocal about how serious a problem is and put the issue of his affair on the table. To sum it up, he really needs some self-confidence.

As for you, why didn't you change your attitude? I'm sure you noticed that it wasn't good for him. I don't blame him for finding another girl to comfort him when you were dishing insults at him. You can be as emotional and sensitive as you want, but it's crossing the line when your emotions can hurt people for the pettiest of reasons.

Thank u 4 your reply,I really appreciate it.I'm being emotional at that time becoz I care about him too much.he had told me to change 4 so many times and I never even bother.I don't know how serious about it till this happened.n I will really changed my attitude from now.the girl is leaving to another state next week and he say he only like her being caring and he love me more.so should I continue with this relationship?

As I've said before, probably not. You have to make the decision yourself, in the end.

Personally, I'd still be worried about his chances of cheating (i.e. would he run to another girl after some minor conflict?). Of course, he did this with good reason. If you want to continue the relationship, you can set a time limit of a few months or so and try to change your attitude within that time. At the same time, see if he can remain loyal to you and become more willing to tell you about relationship conflicts. If it works out, all the better. If it doesn't, then you can break up knowing that you've both tried.

Being emotional because you care about someone is not a good reason. As this incident has shown you, it's more likely to make the person you care about shy away from you.

You don't sound as if your caring, or treat him as though you are. From what you wrote your jealous too. I would ask why HE would love you?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You don't sound as if your caring, or treat him as though you are. From what you wrote your jealous too. I would ask why HE would love you?

I never realise tat he did so many things for me last time.I only wanted more as I know tat he loved me so much.n he had been struggling so much about his job recently and had very little time for me tat makes me even more sensitive.I went to check on him and he's really working.if I were to change now is there still a chance for him to treat me like before and not cheating me?

I think that would be up to him, but change for the better is up to you. I would have been long gone. I say change for yourself, whether he likes it or not.