I hope this is the right category... yesterday I came across some of my mom's emails which showed that she and another man hve been sleeping together since christmas eve. That was scary enough, but then some of the emails started talking about hwo she was going to get a divorce from my dad, and even mentioned trips they've secretly taken to the lawyer! My dad and her have been married for 20+ years and he just retired last month. All he wants to do now is travel with my mom and spend his time relaxing after working for all those years to support her and me and my brother... How do I tell him that the person he's supposed to grow old with and be like... his companion and best friend to the end is secretly plannign to divorce him? At his retirement party a month ago he gave a speech about how she was his best friend and the love of his life and it almost brought him to tears. I saved some of the more incriminating messages about lawyers and their plotting but my question is who should I tell? Should I tell my mom and hope she stops? Should I tell my dad so that he can start taking steps to protect himself with his own lawyer or should I just keep it to myself and hope she doesn't go through with it? I don't want them to get divorced, I don't want him to spend all his retirement savings on lawyers instead of travelling and seeing the world like he's been dreaming about since as long as I can remember. Sorry if this is not written very well, I just don't have anyone I can ask these questions --im scared if I talk to anyone I know that it'll get back to my mom or dad thorugh gossip... please help!

Honestly, I think you should stay out of it, but be there for your Dad so even if the world does fall apart, he'll know he has you. If you don't want to do nothing, you should talk to your mom about it, let her know its not right, and spill your guts.
Best of luck <3

First of all I am sorry to here this, this actually makes me sad. But it is these kind of things that frighten people from commitment. Especially around retirement age and one party has no clue. But I am sure there are signs your father speculates things are not right. I agree with the person above and that is let your mother know what you know and give her that option to let him know because now YOU know. Your mom will feel like the world is caving in knowing her kid knows. BE THERE FOR YOUR FATHER, HE WILL NEED YOU... GOOD LUCK:cool:

I guess I just look back and see a problem if "dad" is unaware and mom is planning this all out, dad could wake up one morning with no money in the bank, all of the safety deposit boxes clear out, and find all of his checks for the last week bouncing. No money to hire an attorney and just up a creek.

I don't believe children should have to take sides, but I am not sure that dad does not need some warning what is happening.

That's also what I'm worried about, her screwing him over financially like that. That's what makes me not want to tell her in case it pushes her plan into overdrive and she'll take off with the money or something cause she'll panic and once she knows I know, she'll have no turning back and her only option will be to go on with her plan. That's kind of why I'm afraid to tell anyone... at least telling my dad will buy him some time maybe he can talk to her about it and reason with her, or at least consult a lawyer to see his options.. and frankyl I don't want to even look at my mom let alone speak to her, I'm insulted that she would so callously rip apart our family and scheme and plot about how to divorce my dad. I'm sorry, I don't know... thank you for all your advice and letting me vent!

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Originally Posted by amanda11

I hope this is the right category...yesterday I came across some of my mom's emails which showed that she and another man hve been sleeping together since christmas eve. That was scary enough, but then some of the emails started talking about hwo she was going to get a divorce from my dad, and even mentioned trips they've secretly taken to the lawyer! My dad and her have been married for 20+ years and he just retired last month. All he wants to do now is travel with my mom and spend his time relaxing after working for all those years to support her and me and my brother...How do I tell him that the person he's supposed to grow old with and be like...his companion and best friend to the end is secretly plannign to divorce him?? At his retirement party a month ago he gave a speech about how she was his best friend and the love of his life and it almost brought him to tears. I saved some of the more incriminating messages about lawyers and their plotting but my question is who should I tell? Shoudl I tell my mom and hope she stops? Should I tell my dad so that he can start taking steps to protect himself with his own lawyer or shoudl I just keep it to myself and hope she doesnt go through with it? I don't want them to get divorced, i dont want him to spend all his retirement savings on lawyers instead of travelling and seeing the world like hes been dreaming about since as long as i can remember. Sorry if this is not written very well, i just dont have anyone i can ask these questions --im scared if i talk to anyone i know that it'll get back to my mom or dad thorugh gossip...please help!!

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I don't really know how to help you but I would tell my dad and help him all you can to stay strong so he dose not get that much hurt .but dam how could your moms do that I am wanteing love and not getting it and why is she I so stoupid.

Some people would say that there are no accidents. How is it that you came across these emails?

For your dad's sake, I hope your mom was baiting you to find out if you were reading her emails...

That might be a lot to hope for...

If you found the emails, could your dad have found them as well? You've certainly found yourself in the middle of things now that you know.

If you do talk to your mom, that might only speed things up, if you talk to your father... well that has plenty of problems as well.

You can choose sides, or try to get mom to give up the idea... or act like you know nothing, and see what becomes of it?? If you hadn't seen the emails, you wouldn't know anything to act on.

Normally I would usually say it is better to stay out of it and let them work it out but Fr_Chuck is right she could one day wipe out his savings account and take off with the other guy. I don't know if she is the type that would do something like that but then again you and your dad never thought she was the type of mom/wife that would be cheating on him.

Maybe you could tell your dad that you have been concerned about something that you didn't know how to handle and so you asked on the internet and everybody advised you that it would be best to tell so he doesn't get his money taken out from under him and
He has a fighting chance rather than a surprise attack.

I'm really sorry you are in the middle of this whole thing! I can't imagine how hard it must be to see all that. It's hard enough to see your parents as human beings who make mistakes, especially something like this! I think you should confront your mom. Let her know that you stumbled onto the e-mails. Tell her how you feel and how uncomfortable it is keeping it from your dad. I do believe that SHE needs to be the one to confront him with all this and NOT you... Other then that, I would stay out of it even though it is hard. Like the others said, be there for your dad when the s**t hits the fan.

Tell him before he gets screwed over. This is not right, she could have brought disease into your home. It is your business, and it is certainly his business. I would go out with your dad for coffee and discuss this with him. If you are worried about confronting her and are afraid of her going into overdrive with her plans and potentially ruining your fathers future, you are right not to tell her first.
What a terrible position to be in for you and your father, but the right thing to do is try to protect the person you love who may get hurt from wrong doing. This is not a neighbour, its your dad. I would sure as hell want my daughter to tell me. Good luck

Amanda, you didn't say how old you are, did you? Some have suggested you tell your Dad; some have said confront your Mom. What if you spoke with someone not in your family, like a minister or rabbi or priest. Make certain they will agree to honor your confidence, first of all. I see no reason to rush into anything; you can continue to watch them and figure out what is going on before you get into controversy. Please take your time with this.

I don't think she should tell her dad because it may cause him to resent her. People deal with stress in different ways... Ever hear of the saying "Don't shoot the messenger" Yes it is his daughter and yes he will always love her, but by being the one to break such bad news to him, he will always have to remember that she was the one who told him. This is the mom's burden. She made her bed and now she should lie in it. If she confronts her mom, it may force mom to tell dad.

But if she doesn't tell him and mom up and takes all the retirement money she will live with the guilty feeling of not having told.

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Originally Posted by oneguyinohio

mom baiting you to find out if you were reading her emails....

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Ohioguy
I agree with you 99.9% of the time but this is the 0.01 I don't
Why would another guy go along with baiting emails if he didn't have a belief she is going to leave the dad for him.
I doubt she could have just found a guy friend to do that for anything but wrong reasons of some sort. I doubt the reasons would be as simple as baiting.
If she is confronted she may deny and try to pass it off as that but I really think she is up to no good and more than what is on the surface. What is to stop her from taking all the retirement money and running off to some tropical paradise with this other guy?

NOhelp4u... I was only thinking that she could have set up a fake email with the other guy's name... if she thought the daughter was reading her emails...

I agree that is probably too much to hope for, but I was hoping for the "best" if you know what I mean...

Because I feel bad for the daughter and the father and was hoping that the mother would not really go through with such an awful thing.

I'm probably way off... and was just as naïve when it came to my own divorce and never saw it coming at all!

I also don't support the mother at all... but wish the best for the father and daughter.

If I were you I would let your mom know that you know about the situation . Then I would tell her to tell your Dad about so at least he can have his dignity. I'm not a fan in not doing anything then the problem will just have a worse out come to . TALK TO YOUR FOLKS!! Who knows mabe you can save there marriage. You never know.

Your dad has already been betrayed emotionally, but you may be able to keep him from being betrayed financially. A woman who will cheat on her husband of 20+ years will probably also steal from him. Show him the emails and tell him to consult a good divorce attorney IMMEDIATELY.

Show him the emails and let your dad take the proper steps. It's his money that will be taken from him by your mom. She betrayed him after having a good life all these years. It's not fair to keep this from him. He deserves more. He will need his money to raise you with. If mom cleans out the bank accounts what will he use then? Ever think of that?

As I said in your other post...

Times like this are about reality. He deserves to know reality. If she wants to hide it, its her guilt and shame.

He should know the real truth. You shouldn't have to bear it... and whatever happens... its due to the honest truth of where things are.

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