ok so i am not one to cheat ive been with my guy over a year and a half living together engaged,but i wont cheat its moraly wrong and i personaliy think disgusting. so the other day i was bored and a guy i had met online, and had hung out with once asked if i wanted to go drink with him his gf and his friend. ok sounded safe i hung with the guy b4 didnt raise any creep flags talked regualrly so i assumed it was all good. so i went and hung out it was fun yaddah yaddah... so on the drive home i was asking about his gf and we got to talking about the fact that apparently the girl he lived with, loved, and was engaged to was holding out on him. So he was telling me how he was being balck balled and he was frustruated and i tried to offer my advice sayin talk to ur girl, why is she holding out all that , i mentioned i dont do that to my guy. So i dont know how it came up but he was saying how he needed to jerk off and would i watch him???? apparently it would get him off and help him out, i should be a friend and watch him and how its no diffrent then watching porn er w.e. he wouldnt ask me to touch it all this sh*t. so i mean dont waste your time i know hes a creap i wont be hainging out again i got all that my question is, is it really cheating to watch someone jerk off or is it really like watching porn. guys go to strip joints is this the same thing almost?:confused:

Is that all to the story because I have a feeling there's more to it. Anyway it sounds like this guy is a creep and has some issues he needs to work out. Cheating is very vague and can be interpreted differently for each of us. Weather or not you consider it cheating think about if the tables were turned and your boyfriend told you he watched a girl friend of his masturbate. I know if I were in your boyfriends shoes I'd be pretty pissed if my girl went to some creeps house to watch him jerk off. Its nothing like going to strip clubs or watching porn either because there's no emotional involved with those two.

It does not sound as if this is for you.. so I would let him know that.
Some people have fantasies and fettishes, which are OK, but you don't have to go along with them. And, if he is a 'friend' via email, he should respect and understand your wishes, leave it at that and find a person who has similar tastes.

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Did you cheat? no.

Were you almost in a situation that would negatively impact your relationship? Yes.

Litmus test... if you do something that your partner would be really pi$$ed off about if he found out... its not healthy for the relationship. If its something you really, really want to do, OK... it might be right for you... but then you need to rethink the relationship.

I don't care if you call it cheating or not. That's not important. Being a drunk isn't cheating, but its not healthy for the relationship.

I don't think we need to be mindless drones that just follow in step with what our partners want. My partner doesn't want me in strip clubs... I don't go. But when she went to amsterdam she saw a lot in the windows... it was circumstancial.

So... is it cheating if a guy looks at porn? no. can it draw emotional and sexual energy from the relationship, and potentially cripple a relationship? Possibly. Depends on the couple. Some like porn. Some hate it. Poke around the threads here on porn.

I think this guy had this angle planned all along if you were willing.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kp2171

being a drunk isnt cheating, but its not healthy for the relationship.

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I'm confused lol sorry I kind of get what your saying but could you dumb it down I feel a little attacked and I doubt that was you intention


Also when you say you don't care if I call it cheating mabie I should say betray I would not want to betray my fiancée or hurt him

I don't think it was cheating, but would put money on the fact your boyfriend would not like the idea. Do role reversal, if you will. How would you feel if you boyfriend watched another girl masturbate? Always think about how you would feel if the situation was reversed.

I thought about it I'm not sure if I would be OK with it but when he goes to teasers and see's a women's breast's or her "fake" masturbating or when he watches porn, I mean I don't watch porn and I don't go to strip joints and I haven't seen any mens naked body parts since I've been with my man so I guess its kind of on the fence for me if this would be wrong or right I'm just intreged because it is a good question it could go either way.

The way I see it is, you know this person, at a strip club the person doesn't know the strippers. Same goes for porn, a "friend" is a totally different story because he may think this will become a more than one time thing. I hope you will let us know what your final decision is and the reaction of the guy

Not attacking you at all... not my intention.

I think the word "cheating" means, to most, engaging in a sexually active relationship with a person that isn't your partner, but can also tie into emotional cheating without physical contact... for ex... if I spend hours on a "friendship" with a woman I come to love but never touch, who isn't my wife, id call it cheating... its an emotional betrayal.

In short... you didn't cheat, but had you consented, I'm guessing your guy would not have approved... and even if its not cheating, its not "right"...

So it wouldn't be cheating, but it wouldn't be "right" for your relationship?

I understand your argument about porn. In my opinion, if he thinks its OK for him to look at porn, then you should be "allowed" to do the same or go to women's night at a chippendales show without noise. If he does a deed and its "ok"... why can't you??

Hope I didn't muddle it up more.

If I watched a woman strip naked, shower, and masturbate... while in the same rooms, but never touched her... and my partner found out... there would be hell to pay. Shed see it as a violation of her trust.

So... what would your guy say if you had done allowed this?

Plus... I think there is a difference between being in the same car with a person who is doing that, and seeing it on a screen.

Not saying either is right or wrong... there's just a proximity issue when you are two feet away, alone, in a car with the guy.

fer the romefalls asking for my final decision I made it before I statred my post. I severd contact deleted and blocked him from e-mail//msn I won't take his calls if he phones and when he asked I said no. there's no way I would have done it watched him I find it wrong. What intreged me to ask the question was his argument "its like watching a porn" I was curious if his argument was logical. I mean uh I'm trying to say what I men but my keybored isn't helping umm basical I wouldn't do it never would I get it would betray my lover I just wanted to know if he was "right" in his argument, if people in general if asked would agree that it was like porn or not. Almost to the point to validate my decision so I feel I made the right choice but yeah I never will or would have done it... lol I repeted myself like 8x srry :P

His argument works if the person buys into it...

I know you didn't think it was OK to do... but if you thought it was just like watching porn, fine... then you should be OK with your guy, alone, in a car, watching a woman vibe herself over the top... right?

The litmus test is just switch you with your boyfriend and the sex of the other person.

I assume we are all adults here.

Communication between couple is very important. And not just about music, literature, art, food, drink, etc. Why can't people just plain talk about or share a book about sexual fantasies and discover each other in that horizon? Maybe there would be less cheaters, strip-clubs and less ''houses of ill-repute'' and more satisfied and happy couples in the world.

Let's face it, fantasies and fettishes exist and the only way you'll find a partner to share them is when you communicate with each other.

I too am repeating myself here... communication is a key - use it to open those doors.

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Originally Posted by Chery

I assume we are all adults here.

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You assume wrong. The OP is 17 according to another post.


To the OP,
In my opinion cheating is doing anything with someone that you would normally only do with your partner or that your partner would want you to only do with them.

K well I think my question is answered even if it was a different situation it would be a betrayal of trust, thanks to you all I will be rating in a bit...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

you assume wrong. the OP is 17 according to another post.


To the OP,
In my opinion cheating is doing anything with someone that you would normally only do with your partner or that your partner would want you to only do with them.

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Was told to spread it again...

Scott, your opinion, IMO is absolutely right! Talking and sharing with your partner is the only right thing to do.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gifIt's good to discover things together - especially if they plan to marry.

O_Troubles agrees: thank you I will be using the litmus test more often

Thanks, but your guy should be using the same "litmus test" too... if he's going to strip clubs or watching porn, it should be fair game for you too... do what's right for you, but expect the same in return from your man.

Porn is fiction it's the idea of it watching on the t.v is very different than seeing it in real life. And yeah him saying watch me jerk off has to be the funnyist thing I have ever heard.


Can you imagen if your boy would have walked past you to and seen him going at it and you watching him. And you going don't worrie babe its just porn.

That would make me laugh :)

Nah but I wouldn't hang out with him again you sound like your young and if you put yourself into them situations I don't see a very bright futuer for you

Regards

I think it's a really big difference, between watching porn, or going to a strip club, and sitting in a guys house watching him masterbate, The latter is real live freaky stuff, the former is mostly fantasy stimulation. You may get away with the first two, but the live freaky guy, at his home stuff? I don't think so! That's to creepy freaky, for me.