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I feel like the inside flame that used to give me energy and courage is slowly going out .I think it's all happening because I actually lost my confidence since I was disappointed by my last girlfriend . I have a great memory but I consider this to be a bigger burden then I can carry because I always remember the sad parts of my life. Should I lock these feelings inside and never talk about them again with anyone?
No never ever ever! I saw a shrink once I asked if I was OK at the end of our last session and he said I was because I had the ability to bring out the bad times remember then reflacet them deal with them and hold on to what I need to. You need to do the same bring it out remember your ex remember the sad and good times then reflect think what went wrong what happened why you could do better what you liked in her you want in another partner all that. Take the bad parts of the relationship and think about then until your at peace with the situations that happened and you can move on and take the good parts the good memorys and hold on to then remember her as your friend, next time your in a relationhship think about what good things could come out of it. You need to balance the good and bad in what you remember and what you forget. Don't hold anything in you don't need to. Get it out relight your flame, roast some marshmellows and have fun with your life there are 6 billion people in the world you might still have a soul mate out there... like they say like moths to the flame eh?
Also if you have another relationship don't bring up your past until your close enough that she can help you with your past and not freak out and say I have my own burdens. When your close let her know about are past relationships and what hurt you and this way if she really loves you she won't hurt you in that way
No, don't lock your feelings away inside. That is the worst thing you can do to yourself. Emotions are meant to be let out, not held in. Holding them in can make you tense, depressed, and it never gives you the chance to work through it and eventually have closure. I think that talking to a counselor is the best thing to do when you are feeling really sad and losing confidence. The counselor is a safe person to talk to and can give you professional advice about how to work through the emotions and let them out so that you can move on. If seeing a counselor isn't possible, you might want to talk to a relative, good friend, or a religious leader (if that applies to you). But talking about it is what is so important so that you can let it all out. I hope you feel better soon!
"you bottle up all those feelings and let them come out at the most inappropriate time like the time daddy hit the referee with the whiskey bottle do you remember that when daddy hit the referee." Homer Simpson.
I wrote that for two reason 1 cause I love The Simpsons and 2. Cause if you bottle stuff up and lock it away you will be the one hitting the ref with a whiskey bottle. Got to talk about it man!! I use to lock stuff up until it would make me literally sick. I would start to throw up and just get completely stressed out. Now I talk about everything I am feeling. I have to say it feels great and now I don't have to worry about hitting a Ref with a Whiskey bottle cause it was about to get to that point with me!!
Getting those feeling out, where they can be dealt with the right way, can save a lot of misery later, as we can never bury our feelings, good or bad, completely. That's what counselors, and relationship experts are for, helping you deal with those feelings.
Actually that is the problem, I am very careful with my girlfriends and I am almost mister perfect like I make 2 to 5 mistakes a year in a relationship and even those are minor. All of my girlfriends said to me that this may be the problem, everything is working great but they get bored because there is nothing unexpected happening and that they feel bad about not being so carefully like I am . Actually the last was constantly saying that she didn't deserve me because I was much better then her. I analyse every aspect of my past , actually I do that every time something goes wrong, I analyse everything again and again and try to modify my behavior to correct the things that I consider to be wrong. I think that makes me so boring, anyway thanks for the cheer up and hope to hear from you again!Quote:
Originally Posted by O_Troubles
Every time I tried to show my emotions every single one of my girlfriends said it was a success on their part because I was so cold and so on but eventually they all "left me in the rain" just like that song by DJ Tiesto. I am starting to believe that other people cannot hear our thoughts because they shouldn't hear them from the start. I appreciate your advice and thank you for your help.Quote:
Originally Posted by peggyhill
I get your point but I was thinking to continue on a more spartan method of personality strengthening something like "remember what they did last time sucker and try to stay a little bit further next time" because too much feelings are not quite good in a single relationship from my experience. I do believe that things would have been better if I wasn't so open about the past. I like The Simpsons too but were I live sometimes is better to hit the referee because they are all corrupt. Thanks for your sincerity and hope to hear from you again soon.Quote:
Originally Posted by spitvenom
It's true but I don't really see how a discussion can make my bad feelings go away or became less painful. Now that you brought the subject of psychology I have to say these:I was dumped and it hurts, I am sure it wasn't the last time and it never gets easier but I'm just trying to learn from other's real live experience, not from some counselor that learned about this in school. I was top student of my class for 12 years and I can tell you this for sure: I learned a lot of things but got further and further away from reality, from my friends and that made me an outsider in my own "gang" of friends. Now I'm trying to learn from those people whom never made my mistake, whom never lost their friends. Schools are good but not enough. Thanks anyway, I truly appreciate your honesty.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
It's possible you didn't have the right girlfriend for you, even though you felt strongly about her and thought she was the ONE. The right girl would have appreciated all the efforts you made to express your feelings and emotions. She would have understood and appreciated YOU. She might have FELT like the right girl, but sometimes we're attracted to people because of different things in our past, such as our relationships with our parents and family. As children, we learn habits about love and need that may not be the best models for us to follow as grownups. Perhaps you could try to expand your circle of the kinds of girls you're attracted to: try someone really different, and see how it goes. I don't believe one should ever hide what is true about themselves, which are your feelings. If they aren't appreciated by the other person, that person isn't really a friend to you. If you are sad, I'm very sorry, but understand that breakups are like little deaths, and you do need to grieve for a while. If it seems to be getting in the way of everything you do and what you enjoy in life, and if it seems to be going on a lot longer than what seems reasonable to you, then you might be having depression, which is a clinical condition, one that is typical after experiencing huge loss, or change, and speaking to a counselor or a doctor about depression can give you relief from the weighty darkness you might feel is dragging you down. Good luck.
Your words are truly the ones that really touch my feelings. You're right, it felt like dying but only on the inside. I will try something different next time, thank you so much for your concern and for the help you give to me. I found another meaning to my suffering in your words, I can't thank you enough with only words.Quote:
Originally Posted by sungene
Welcome to the real world of trying to see what's real, and what isn't. We all have to cope with it, and deal with it. We have all made "your" mistakes and lost friends. You may think you are unique, and you could be right, but so is everyone else. We all have to learn as we go through life, so my advice is to just keep honestly evaluating yourself and make adjustments as you see fit. Experience tells us what we need to know and gives us new skills to deal with things in the future, so don't be stuck on what you don't have at this time, just keep moving forward with your life, and get a sense of humor as my "relationship expert" comment, was so ignored, as you may be a little to serious.Quote:
Now I'm trying to learn from those people whom never made my mistake, whom never lost their friends. Schools are good but not enough. Thanks anyway, I truly appreciate your honesty
Hey talaniman , I sure hope you're not angry and I believe you did not quite understood what I said:I didn't lost a friend or couple of them, I lost all of my childhood friends because I learned a little extra and ended up having nothing in common with them so we parted silently, we still say hello but not the same I guess you know. I may not be unique but I sure have this problem anyway. Humor is just another way to hide the sorrow.
I may not be unique but I sure have this problem anyway.
We all do as we move into the world, that was my point, that's not a problem, but a reality of life to deal with.
Humor is just another way to hide the sorrow.
Or engage people, and make you approachable. Moving on from old friends is sad, but moving on is what we as humans do. Deal with it, and know I'm not mad at all.
I saw your newer question but it said it was a closed question which I have no idea what or why or who makes a question closed.
You said you only make one or two mistakes a year while your girlfriends make many mistakes through the years. In your new question you ask if you should get back with your last girlfriend. I would say that would depend on what her 'mistakes' were.
IF she was taking you for granted, expecting you to treat her like a queen while she acted like a jerk then NO. You have to evaluate the situation.
My guess is that you want everything orderly and organized and your girlfriends want more spontaneous spur of the moment surprises. Learn to start telling a girlfriend don't make plans for Saturday afternoon and then take them somewhere special to surprise them or do something different or spontaneous. Think outside the box.
Basically you either need to find girl friends more with your values and standards or you need to lighten up and compromise.
Also you may be perfect in your eyes but I often find that most perfectionist consider their way as being mistake free while others have a slightly different perspective on the perfect way.
For example, I know people who consider their house cleaning habits reflecting what a perfectionist they are but they stuff junk under the bed and in the closets and have no idea where they put things. Then they think that others cleaning habits are terrible because their house has a bit of a cluttered look BUT they have everything organized and know where it all is.
Also I have noticed that your birth sign can say a lot about if you are going to get along with someone well or not. Like an Aries female does not, for the most part, get along too well with a Virgo guy because Virgo guys tend to be meticulous and overly structured while Aries girls are off somewhere else with everything in how they go about accomplishing things. They both have very different approaches to everything.
It's not me whom said that I'm perfect , it's them , my ex-es . That it the weird fact because while I study my behaviour quite profound they are all superficial. I do not plan things for a hundred years advance I just calculate all possibilities so I can keep cool in any situation to reduce tension between me and them. Thanks for your advice , but I don't believe in the Virgo and Aries stuff. Btw the other question was closed because I heard new things from her that made me realise how stupid it would be for me to forgive her. She leaves me before X-mas and kisses another guy at the new year party... no comment.Quote:
Originally Posted by N0help4u
Even if you do not perceive yourself to be perfect THEY DO so basically same situation.
Your personality is that you are quite profound, calculate things and outcomes,
While your old girlfriends may well have been superficial (I agree most likely were)
You also need to realize that not all girls are superficial just because they do not contemplate things quite so profoundly and calculate how they say and do things. You can go with the flow and still be far from superficial, but I tend to agree that many girls any more are superficial.
I never believed in the Zodiac stuff either, still really don't, but I have learned that it can be a good guideline for basic personality types and how they will interact.
I appreciate your advice , I truly thank you .Quote:
Originally Posted by N0help4u
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