Trust is the no#1 problem with us, as well communication. We've been married for nearly five years, and we have separated twice. We are currently living in separate houses, but visit for conjugal purposes and more often to argue. I've gone through some really good therapy counseling, addressing this and other problems. He agreed to also do his own individual counseling, then us together... this was the agreement. As yet he claims to have had 3 sessions, missed many and reschedules the sessions for us. I believe he is deathly afraid to have us sit with an outside mediator to resolve our issues. This agreement was not an ultimatum but it may seem that way. I am currently deciding whether to opt for divorce or just continue living separately. I do love him, but he is or appears to be an accomplished liar, and that is the quantum question, how do I love someone who I cannot trust?

One of my favorite sayings is "You can't have love if you don't have trust." And this is true. If you can't trust him with stuff he says or does, it makes it harder to love one another. It might be really hard to do, but maybe divorce is an option. There is a lyric in a song I know that says "Moving on is a simple thing, but what it leaves behind is hard", and this is also true. But what you really need to do is take the time to sit down and weigh out the good and bad between you two. Make sure you write it all down so you can see it when you are done and this also helps because, if anything else comes up that you didn't think of before, you can write it down. Do this and definitely get back to me. I would like to help you through all of this. Feel free to message at any time if you have any questions.

You seem to be trying and he is not trying as hard. Finish your own counseling, before you change anything, and stop the sex, for it takes his motivation for working at this away, in my view. He can't see what he has missed, if he is satisfied, and content. It also could stop those arguments if you back off the contact. Let the emotional dust settle for him, and give him a chance to judge the reality of his situation.

Sometimes... just sometimes it is hard to distinguish your own stuff from those you are involved with. I have my own issues regarding trust from past experiences, so I need to be able to fully trust. I can't say I've felt that since 8thgrade LOL. Giving up the sex is so hard to do, many times I have recognized that this is perhaps a motivator for doing what needs to be done, but not for him. Even when we lived in same house he would wait me out, and mean wait. Choosing not to have sex would only benefit me, as it would keep my mind strictly focuse on the necessary outcome which is that we sit on someone's couch, face to face with an outside mediator to resolve our issues, concerns, and differences. He is deathly afraid of this, as it would open cans of worms he has chosen to not look into. He's a magnificent person, whom I'll always love, however I need to establish the boundaries I've learned of through counseling. I'm a tough chick, just really whimpped out in this area.

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Originally Posted by darhe3425

Trust is the no#1 problem with us, as well communication. We've been married for nearly five years, and we have separated twice. We are currently living in separate houses, but visit for conjugal purposes and more often to argue. I've gone through some really good therapy counseling, addressing this and other problems. He agreed to also do his own individual counseling, then us together...this was the agreement. As yet he claims to have had 3 sessions, missed many and reschedules the sessions for us. I believe he is deathly afraid to have us sit with an outside mediator to resolve our issues. This agreement was not an ultimatum but it may seem that way. I am currently deciding whether to opt for divorce or just continue living separately. I do love him, but he is or appears to be an accomplished liar, and that is the quantum question, how do I love someone who I cannot trust?

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We love because that's The way GOD attended for us to be. You need to schedule him a appointment , don't let him know it and take his there. Marriage means doing things together, that dosen't mean you always agree. That's why you all are together. Everything you hate about you you hate about him, and everything you love about you you love about him. You said it you are tuff, so be that tuff lady for your husband, because you didn't get married to get a divorce. No Nothings Be Tuff... with love