I'm an 18 y/o female who's extremely discouraged about sex. I started having sex with my long term boyfriend 10 months ago, he was my first and I was his. It was completely my idea (for those who may say that I feel pressured) and now I'm losing interest. When we first started having sex, it hurt so bad. We soon realized I just wasn't getting wet enough. After that problem ended, I started feeling nothing at all. Sometimes I don't even know he's there. And it's not like he's extremely small, he's average sized. And we've tried tons of different positions but nothing is pleasurable. And for those who might suggest oral sex, it just hurts. The slightest touch to my clitoris hurts. I don't masturbate for that very reason. I need some sort of insight, some reason why I'm not getting anything out of sex. Honestly, it used to not bother me, I was more than happy to give myself to him but after 10 months, I can't take it anymore. We've cut down severely on the frequency of our sexual encounters, I was hoping it would help to give my body a rest, but it hasn't done anything. Please help.

Pain in your vaginal area, especially on your clitoris, isn't good.

Have you spoken to your OB/GYN about this? She may have insights that we don't, here, simply because she can see your body and any possible problems with it.

I have a sensitive clitoris too--the lightest touch is all that's really needed, because anything else is EXTREMELY uncomfortable.

The kind of pain you are describing, though, is NOT normal. Please see your doctor about it.

After you consult your obgyne, you might want to consider the following. You don't have any passion for this guy to the extent that you feel pain when dealing with him sexually, and you "can't take it anymore". Yet, you are still with him.. probably for social reasons only on your part.

I think you should stop having sex immediately... you're going to totally warp your sexuality if you continue this charade. Time for some serious soul searching. Are you sure you are sexually attracted to men?

First and foremost go see a doctor. What you are describing is NOT normal. The fact that you cannot pleasure yourself without it hurting means that it is something physical, not that something emotional would be ruled out. If you go to the doctor and they can't find anything wrong physically, you may need to see a therapist/psychologist. Has this guy ever physically or emotionally/psychologically hurt you in any way? If he has, you need to get out of that relationship ASAP. The longer you stay in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, the deeper the scars.

I just recently made an appointment with obgyn but it isn't for a few days.
Yes, I am sure I am attracted to men, no he's never been abusive.

Thanks for the insight. I guess I'll let you know...

I have a friend who has a similar problem. Unlike what Choux said, I don't think it's the type of psychological problem where your partner is part of the cause. The reason I say this is because my friend does love the man she's with.

However, running along the same thought, have you been sexually abused in the past? I'm not too sure if such a question would help you, but I'm also asking this to understand more about my friend's situation. From what I've read, it's possible for the female to be too tense (possibly from trauma but it could be just nervousness, etc). This tightens the vaginal muscles to the point where penetration is painful or even impossible.

Also, if it's not too personal, please do let me know how it turns out. The best of luck to you!

Feeling nothing, as if your bottom is made out of shoe leather can be a sign of a yeast infection. Having pain at your clitoris may or may not be related to yeast. In any case, don't forget to discuss the loss of sensation as well as the pain with your doc.

So I went to see my doctor.
They had nothing to tell me other than everything was completely normal and that I might just be extremely sensitive.
Not actually helpful but I guess I'm just relieved that nohting is wrong.
THey say I just need to find ways around the pain and hope that all will work out

They said you have to find ways around the pain? That is not helpful at all. Did they check for a yeast infection, did they do an internal exam? It doesn't sound like this doctor did a thorough enough exam. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong, but to tell you to find ways around the pain is very unprofessional in my opinion. I would find another doctor.

My question is how long has the pain been going on? I mean, was there at one point in time when you did not have any pain with your current boyfriend? If you are having pain now but you did not when then two of you first having sex, then there HAS to be a physical problem, unless you are right now going through some psychological issues, i.e. past sexual or physical abuse. Have you and your current boyfriend been fighting at all? If so, maybe you are a little bit tense because of some subconscious unresolved issues. Thinking that you resolved some issues on the outside does not necessarily mean that they are totally resolved. I don't want to get too personal but is he being too forceful now?

It hurt for the first few months but it's turned into me feeling nothing.
My clitoris is the only thing that hurts these days, and it's sensitive to any kind of touch.

My boyfriend and I have been on rocky terms these days but even when our relationship is perfect is doesn't seem to make a difference in our sex life.

No, he isn't forceful at all. He is very patient with me and my frustration about this whole situation.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ampersandra

I have a friend who has a similar problem. Unlike what Choux said, I don't think it's the type of psychological problem where your partner is part of the cause. The reason I say this is because my friend does love the man she's with.

However, running along the same thought, have you been sexually abused in the past? I'm not too sure if such a question would help you, but I'm also asking this to understand more about my friend's situation. From what I've read, it's possible for the female to be too tense (possibly from trauma but it could be just nervousness, etc). This tightens the vaginal muscles to the point where penetration is painful or even impossible.

Also, if it's not too personal, please do let me know how it turns out. The best of luck to you!

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Do do mind answering the question above in red? Please say no if you feel it is too personal. I know a person with similar problem and one of the causes was past sexual abuse.

No, I was never sexually abused.

If there is nothing physically wrong with you, it could be that he just does not turn you on. In which case you need to stop having sex with him. No point in putting yourself through that "just because"

Id really like you to spend time learning to masturbate without pain, then move on to contact with him-until this happens-I think you may get worse.

Use lube/use a hand shower-anything that doesn't touch so severely-until you get it right. Perhaps spending some sensual time-away from the clitoris until you wet thoroughly, then a bit more direct on the clitoris-until this is reasonably comfortable.

To me there is another issue, but I need you to confirm this, have you ever masturbated in the past to orgasm?-if so, then why not now?

Anyway, cheers.

No, I've never masturbated to achieve an orgasm because of the whole pain issue.

So you have never masturbated because of the pain, but then I thought that the pain was only going on for a few months. Again, how long have you had the pain? Have you ALWAYS had the pain and now you feel nothing? I am just trying to fully understand this because I am just a little confused.

Sorry if I was unclear, My clitoris is what hurts all the time. As for the other pain that only lasted a few months, that was when I was actually having sex.