So I had been dating this guy for about 8 months... we decided to take a little break, and we split amicably but remained in contact. We both told each other that we still loved each other and wanted to work things out eventually... we ended up deciding mutually after a month or so that we were going to try to work things out again...

Now some background info -- till this point, my boyfriend had not seen his child EVER, because when the BM was 4 months pregnant left him for the man she had been cheating on him with, and this guy's name ended up on the child's birth certificate, and she married this guy. She never let my BF see the child -- in fact she moved after getting married and he didn't even know where she was... he had no legal right to his child, and he really had no clue whether the child was his or not anyway since she had been cheating all along.

So apparently right before we got back together the BM's husband got put in jail and suddenly after 9 years she decides that she wants my BF to be a part of the child's life, and that she also wants to be with my BF... he was really confused and he told me that before we got back together he had slept with her a couple of times.

He has told her repeatedly that he just wants to be friends with her (I have seen emails and text messages that say this) and that he can't be going over her house to hang out with her, etc... but she has been calling him like 5 times a day, emailing him, and texting him over and over and over... tonight my BF and I were watching a movie and she called. I told him to answer it, and she starts in saying that I don't want him to have a relationship with his daughter and that I am trying to come between them. She says that I am a controlling , and doesn't understand why I don't want them to hang out together, etc... that her daughter will never be allowed around me and that if he keeps seeing me he won't be able to see his daughter.

She is using her daughter as a pawn. And what hurts me so much is that instead of defending me he just said "yeah i will talk to her about it"... AS IF I HAVE DONE SOMETHING WRONG. She is constantly texting him that she wants to have sex with him and stuff, and the thought of him going over there and her catching him at a weak moment kills me.

The last fight we got in, he ended up going to talk to her about it. This I think is extremely inappropriate. In my mind that just gives her the impression that (A) my relationship with him is weak, and (B) that she has a chance with him.

I don't know what to do... I love him so much but because of all this drama I fear that I cannot trust him. She will stop at nothing to get him, and I am afraid that if she catches him at a weak moment, that he might do something... I am also afraid that he might start to believe all of the horrible things that she is saying about me...

What do I do? I really don't want to just walk away, I love him so much... :confused:

Sex is like a negotiating tool to get a man and for him to fall into the DUMB MANS TRAP is the illiterate move he made. Let him make the wrong choice on his own, you just move on or sit back and watch him fall on his face. He will get hurt messing with her, can't he see that she is using him. He still has feelings for her after 9yrs.

Quote:

---

(A) my relationship with him is weak, and (B) that she has a chance with him.

---

All of the above as he is a weak, confused man, and that makes your relationship weak as well. Are there no real men around? He ain't it.

I have my own posting up about a similar situation. Trust me I went and am going through a real similar situation. My fiancé got drunk one night (we were split up) slept with her and now she is pregnant! We have over three years together, unfortunately I found out in February that I am pregnant. His BM is crazy and started the way yours is (acting any way). I am trying to figure out things in my life but your still in a semi fresh relationship and if she already has that much impact on him after 9 years, it's only going to get worse. Take it from somebody who knows, RUN!

If he believes the horrible things she is saying about you then you don't need him. Secondly, you have a choice to live drama-free. Remember that. He needs to man up, and it seems to me from reading your post that he is not putting his foot down to the BM. Why do you feel inclined to beg him to stop contact, if he respected the relationship he would. Perhaps he fears being placed on child support therefore he is trying to keep the peace with her. If he really wants to take care of his daughter. He would march himself down to court, and establish visitation and child support on his own. But he didn't yet so I don't think he really wants to be A MAN if you ask me. That's my opinion. Establish paternity, get visitation rights pay his child support, and then he don't have to deal with the baby mama drama... I mean for his own piece of mind, if he doesn't have a problem with taking care of the child then why hasn't he done this?? Anyway remember it's your choice, you can either choose to stay in this relationship and deal with the drama, or love yourself more to know what you DESERVE, and leave...

I understand exactly what you are going through. My husband was compromising our relationship until he saw what she was doing and stood up to her. He told her he wanted to be in his daughters life and be a dad to her. She is the one with the isues and does not want the baby to be around me. She says ugly things about our marriage and me. She needs to simply grow up and move on and to stop being childish. Your man needs to decide Who he wants to be in his life you or his baby's mama. If he loves you he will make the right choice. He does not need to go to her house to see his child he has the ability to take her with his and visit were he wants. It is his choice to go over to her house because he may not be over her. In some strange way he is still playing house with her. You need to tell him how it makes you feel when he does those things if he loves you he will understand and stop.